A BEAUTIFUL MIND . . . OF A GLADIATOR

1.5 Stars
Year Released: 2003
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 17 minutes

What happens when you combine two of Russell Crowe’s most well known movies and pepper it with his well established propensity for acting like a total jackass? You’d get this movie. The problem is you’d also get any number of similar skits or spoofs with Crowe as the butt of the joke.


Posted on March 30, 2004 by

MARATHON

0.5 Stars
Year Released: 2002
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 75 minutes

OPENING IN NEW YORK, APRIL 2ND! A young woman tries to solve as many crossword puzzles as she can in 24 hours. It’s a personal test and she’s out to better her record from the previous year of 77 puzzles solved. But, why exactly is she doing this? What’s the purpose of it all?


Posted on March 29, 2004 by

LA MUERTE DEL SENOR

LA MUERTE DEL SENOR
2 Stars
Year Released: 2002
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 8 minutes

A child is born and all the angels sing. His name is Jesus, but he is a mistake to his parents, so they give him up. Even God seems to have turned his back on the child…


Posted on March 29, 2004 by

RICE GIRL

RICE GIRL
1 Stars
Year Released: 2002
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 92 minutes

Through the bombardment of absurd slapstick jokes that most often go absolutely nowhere, the main story of “Rice Girl” is the misadventures of a Chinese immigrant would be actor, Windy Yee…


Posted on March 28, 2004 by

EYEBALL EDDIE (DVD)

4 Stars
Year Released: 2000
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 29 minutes

Of all the movies in the big box that Film Threat sent me to review, “Eyeball Eddie” was probably the last one I wanted to watch. The thought of anything to do with eyes and damage to them is enough to make me squirm in my seat. Apparently, I’m not alone in this phobia…


Posted on March 28, 2004 by

DARK SPIRAL

DARK SPIRAL
1.5 Stars
Year Released: 1999
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 80 minutes

Sort of a comedic version of “The Usual Suspects”, “Dark Spiral” tells the story of a retired hit man, Johnny, and his lover, Joey…


Posted on March 25, 2004 by

EVERYBODY AND THEIR MOTHER WANTS TO WRITE AND DIRECT

EVERYBODY AND THEIR MOTHER WANTS TO WRITE AND DIRECT
3 Stars
Year Released: 2003
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 15 minutes

The assistant expounds that every successful filmmaker has a partner and together they are more interesting, at least in the eyes of an agent, than either of them alone…


Posted on March 24, 2004 by

THE BOX MAN

2 Stars
Year Released: 2003
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 5 minutes

Simply put, “The Box Man” is the most visually impressive stop motion film I have ever come across…


Posted on March 7, 2004 by

QUASAR HERNANDEZ

QUASAR HERNANDEZ
1.5 Stars
Year Released: 2003
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 10 minutes

What the hell this is all supposed to amount to is a complete mystery. My best guess is that it’s some sort of dark inside joke that bombed or an experiment in scene destruction…


Posted on March 4, 2004 by

SOLD

SOLD
3 Stars
Year Released: 2003
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 9 minutes

The only shortcoming of this movie is its edging a little too far into the realm of slapstick for laughs…


Posted on March 2, 2004 by

THE THREE OF US

2.5 Stars
Year Released: 2003
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 3 minutes

Played to the musician Ben Harper’s mellifluous instrumental, “Number Three”, “The Three of Us” is a visually impressive experiment in stop and go motion…


Posted on February 24, 2004 by

THE VIRILE MAN

2 Stars
Year Released: 2003
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 8 minutes

This Slamdance award winner tells the story of Gary, a man questioning his sexuality…


Posted on February 24, 2004 by

RUMMY

RUMMY
1 Stars
Year Released: 2002
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 15 minutes

A key aspect of French New Wave films was their elongated scenes empathizing the tension and awkwardness of the characters. In contrast, “Rummy” comes across like a botched Dogma 95 attempt…


Posted on April 2, 2002 by

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