LOVE AND SAVAGERY

Year Released: 2009 MPAA Rating: Unrated Running Time: 96 minutes

Michael isn’t the kind of guy to be told what (or who) he can or can’t do, but townspeople discourage him from persuing Cathleen by beating the crap out of him.

THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS

Year Released: 2009 MPAA Rating: R Running Time: 93 minutes

Those waiting for the film to have a point, to say something, to have a core meaning or a message, might be disappointed.

MADE IN HUNGARIA

Year Released: 2009 MPAA Rating: Unrated Running Time: 109 minutes

This spirited take on the old teen rebel tale is indeed filled with rockin’ music, beautiful women, good laughs, and lively production numbers.

THE YELLOW HANDKERCHIEF

Year Released: 2008 MPAA Rating: Unrated Running Time: 102 minutes

A layered film with a lot of good elements in it, but ultimately sunk by an onslaught of unbearable cliches.

BLACK MOLD EXPOSURE

Year Released: 2009 MPAA Rating: Unrated Running Time: 101 minutes

Once again, greed trumps humanity, dollars trump suffering, the guy with the worst lawyer is wrong, and the little guy loses.

ROMA SUB ROSA

Year Released: 2006 MPAA Rating: Unrated Running Time: 28 minutes

This minimalist historical drama is well-paced and tightly scripted, but the performances range from merely acceptable to miserable.

NOTHING PERSONAL (RIEN DE PERSONAL)

Year Released: 2009 MPAA Rating: Unrated Running Time: 90 minutes

CHICAGO INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL FEATURE! The comedic aspects of “Nothing Personal” take their time to blossom. Events that are tragic and shocking the first time we see them are hilarious the third time around.

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: THE PLAN (DVD)

Year Released: 2009 MPAA Rating: Unrated Running Time: 100 minutes

It is with heavy heart that I report that “The Plan” can be described in a mere five letters: “a mess.”

COOKING HISTORY

Year Released: 2009 MPAA Rating: Unrated Running Time: 88 minutes

CHICAGO INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL FEATURE! Stories of Bosnians and Serbs who staunchly refused certain meals or ingredients due to nationalistic associations with these foods are eclipsed by the memory of a pig squeal only equalled in cinema history by Ned Beatty.

THE COMMUNE

Year Released: 2009 MPAA Rating: Unrated Running Time: 91 minutes

In “The Commune,” anyone who isn’t a mainstream Christian, and/or anyone who likes nature, healthy food, or being nice to people is actually an incestuous killer who must be a member of a cult of freaks.

HIPSTERS (STILYAGI)

Year Released: 2008 MPAA Rating: Unrated Running Time: 115 minutes

CHICAGO INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL FEATURE! Hailing from Russia, this loud, sexy, colorful musical is most definitely a tale of the hipster of the atomic age, not the mopey fops we see today.

ECCENTRICITIES OF A BLONDE-HAIRED GIRL (SINGULARIDADES DE UMA RAPARIGA LOURA)

Year Released: 2009 MPAA Rating: Unrated Running Time: 65 minutes

CHICAGO INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL FEATURE! The performers all mope dourly through their scenes, perhaps as bored with their lifeless characters as the audience must be.

GIRL ON A TRAIN (LA FILLE DU RER)

Year Released: 2009 MPAA Rating: Unrated Running Time: 105 minutes

CHICAGO INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL FEATURE! The connection between Jeanne’s phony attack and the trains that she rides throughout the film is tenuous at best. The shots of Jeanne on a train exist only to justify the title.

PARTNERS (COMPLICES)

Year Released: 2009 MPAA Rating: Unrated Running Time: 93 minutes

CHICAGO INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL FEATURE! How youthful recklessness sculpts our lives as adults, or how love must be seized and reveled in, seem to be themes that might have crossed the director’s mind. But they never quite make it to the screen.