SOBER

4 Stars
Year Released: 2007
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 20 minutes

WORLD PREMIERING AT THE GASPARILLA FILM FESTIVAL TONIGHT!!!…Regardless of how much innocence he claims, the methods of torture get more and more brutal. Thankfully, most of it isn’t shown, just implied, making the events all the more harsh to imagine…


Posted on February 27, 2009 by

10 MORE FILMS TO HELP YOU JUDGE A POTENTIAL SUITOR

10 MORE FILMS TO HELP YOU JUDGE A POTENTIAL SUITOR

FILM THREATS SEVEN DAYS OF VD!!! Were the first 10 not enough for you? Here are 10 more films to help you find that perfect someone…



Posted on February 13, 2009 by

TEN FILMS TO HELP YOU JUDGE A POTENTIAL SUITOR

FILM THREATS SEVEN DAYS OF VD!!! The dating scene can be real bummer. Especially when you think you finally found that perfect someone and all seems to be going great. Great, that is, until you find out they have the worst taste in movies ever.



Posted on February 10, 2009 by

PUSH

2.5 Stars
Year Released: 2009
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 115 minutes

It’s the kind of film you wish had no sound – perhaps the studio should have eliminated the dialogue and replaced it cue cards every few minutes like the silent films of old.


Posted on February 7, 2009 by

BRIDGE OF NAMES

2 Stars
Year Released: 2009
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 11 minutes

The two characters strike a conversation about how their lives aren’t exactly where they want them to be. They are plagued with misery… just like those who watch.


Posted on February 4, 2009 by

PAUL BLART: MALL COP

PAUL BLART: MALL COP
1.5 Stars
Year Released: 2009
MPAA Rating: PG
Running Time: 87 minutes

Who out there is to gain any kind of entertainment value from watching “Paul Blart: Mall Cop”? Those millions of Americans who still find the ole’ fat-guy-running-into-clear-glass-window-and-then-falling-down routine hilarious.


Posted on January 18, 2009 by

THE UNBORN

THE UNBORN
1 Stars
Year Released: 2009
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 87 minutes

If only Goyer strived to make a comedy, perhaps all wouldn’t have been wasted.


Posted on January 13, 2009 by

BEDTIME STORIES

BEDTIME STORIES
1 Stars
Year Released: 2008
MPAA Rating: PG
Running Time: 95 minutes

I’ve seen better special effects in Troma releases – films with a smaller budget than the amount spent on this film’s catering.


Posted on January 6, 2009 by

TRANSPORTER 3

2 Stars
Year Released: 2008
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 100 minutes

It’s hard to recommend to someone that they should shell out good coin to see this film in an actual theater…


Posted on November 28, 2008 by

DEFINITELY, MAYBE

2.5 Stars
Year Released: 2008
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 112 minutes

It’s like “High Fidelity” (the wretched film, not the sweet novel) only without all that annoying talking-to-the-camera…


Posted on February 15, 2008 by

IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DUNGEON SIEGE TALE

0 Stars
Year Released: 2007
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 124 minutes

Fans looking to ridicule and laugh at the newest Boll adventure will be disappointed after the first 20 minutes. It was funny when it started, then it got boring. Too boring to even laugh at anymore…


Posted on January 14, 2008 by

I AM LEGEND

3 Stars
Year Released: 2007
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 101 minutes

The creature effects are as basic as any Sci-Fi Channel movie, yet shots of the vacant city are some of the best of the year…


Posted on December 16, 2007 by

LILAH VANDENBURGH IS A “BITCH”

2007 AFI FILM FESTIVAL SHORT FILM! One lonely day, an envelope arrived with a slim black DVD case inside. Some sort of white-out like fluid covered the front side and spelled out, “BITCH! Written and Directed by Lilah Vandenburgh.” The rest is brilliant short film history…



Posted on November 8, 2007 by

SAW IV

1 Stars
Year Released: 2007
MPAA Rating: R
Running Time: 95 minutes

“Saw IV” has more flashbacks than a homeless Vietnam vet on acid. Not just with Bell’s character but all throughout. There are even flashbacks to scenes that happened just a few minutes prior…


Posted on October 29, 2007 by

PARK

4 Stars
Year Released: 2006
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 86 minutes

IN LIMITED RELEASE! It’s a hilarious, crowd-pleasing film about everything from honesty to sex to freedom that’s definitely smart without being too overbearing. The title, referring both to the location and what each character is actually doing, couldn’t have been more apt…


Posted on October 28, 2007 by

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