ANOTHER TRAUMATIC TALE OF MY YOUTH – “HONEY I SHRUNK THE KIDS”

ANOTHER TRAUMATIC TALE OF MY YOUTH – “HONEY I SHRUNK THE KIDS”

It was 1989. I was living with my mom at the time and everyone at my school was going ape shit over this movie about some kids who get shrunk and have to travel across their backyard on the back of an ant. Being the age I was (around 8 years old or so), I […]



Posted on May 17, 2007 by

THE FOUNTAIN (DVD)

“The Fountain” is a patient film that rewards its viewers with a beautiful meditation on death and love. Unfortunately first-time viewers who missed this in theaters are going to miss out on some of its visual splendor…



Posted on May 17, 2007 by

TOP 5 INNOCENT BYSTANDER DEATH SCENES

TOP 5 INNOCENT BYSTANDER DEATH SCENES

You never know when a gun battle is going to explode right in front of you, while you’re hanging out at the mall, or even while you’re on the job. Some of the best death scenes ever come from innocent bystanders, both on and off the job, and those just happen to be my favorite. […]



Posted on May 14, 2007 by

DELTA FARCE

DELTA FARCE
0 Stars
Year Released: 2007
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 90 minutes

The desired goal for the filmmaking team of “Delta Farce” was to create a movie full of madcap fun and hilarity. Instead, they created a motion picture so awfully annoying, I couldn’t even find a reason to recommend it to my dead dog Corky…


Posted on May 14, 2007 by

GEORGIA RULE

2 Stars
Year Released: 2007
MPAA Rating: R
Running Time: 113 minutes

It’s clear that Fonda is no longer in the game for challenging roles and “Georgia Rule” is another example of her carefree attitude towards acting, a craft she was once considered great in…


Posted on May 13, 2007 by

THE MPAA CONTINUES TO CATER TO LAZY PARENTING…

THE MPAA CONTINUES TO CATER TO LAZY PARENTING…

For years I have been fighting against any sort of message to the MPAA (The Motion Picture Association of America) that smoking should play a key role in a film’s rating decision. That is simply ridiculous. Are you going to rate life too? Anywhere a kid goes these days, they are sure to bump into […]



Posted on May 11, 2007 by

I HOPE YOUR KID LOVED THAT RAPE SCENE!

I HOPE YOUR KID LOVED THAT RAPE SCENE!

Every single time I go to a Rated-R film, I know what to expect. There will be at least one moronic parent in the audience who brought their kid. And I am not talking about a kid who’s like 10-years-old. Instead, I am talking about a kid that is young enough to have to be […]



Posted on May 10, 2007 by

“SPIDER-MAN” COMPLETE WITH SONG AND DANCE NUMBERS…?

“SPIDER-MAN” COMPLETE WITH SONG AND DANCE NUMBERS…?

I went to a midnight screening last night, not to be that guy who flames message boards with his opinions, but because I love going to the movies. Especially at midnight, when all the fanboys come out with their related attire. I go to midnight screenings all the time throughout the summers. I have a […]



Posted on May 4, 2007 by

YANK MY “CRANK”… AGAIN?!?

YANK MY “CRANK”… AGAIN?!?

The following contains spoilage about the 2006 motion picture Crank. If you haven’t seen it yet, put it in your Netflix queue and get it over with. It’s only 87 minutes long. There were two films that came out in the year 2006 that punched me in the face with concrete boxing gloves. One, happened […]



Posted on May 4, 2007 by

10 MORE FILMS TO HELP YOU JUDGE A POTENTIAL SUITOR

10 MORE FILMS TO HELP YOU JUDGE A POTENTIAL SUITOR

Were the first 10 not enough for you? Here are 10 more films to help you find that perfect someone to spend the rest of your life with. Or in my case, the good portion of a week. 20. Magnolia (Paul Thomas Anderson, 1999) – What better way to start a happy relationship of love […]



Posted on May 3, 2007 by

WE DON’T NEED ANOTHER “MAVERICK”…

WE DON’T NEED ANOTHER “MAVERICK”…

Come to think of it, we didn’t need the first one either. The fine folks at Dark Horizons posted a news tidbit, by way of Hollywood.com, about the potential interest in reviving a franchise no one really cares about. The return of Maverick? Does anyone even remember that movie? I am somewhat of a Richard […]



Posted on May 1, 2007 by

DARREN ARONOFSKY BATTLES “EVAN ALMIGHTY” BUT NOT REALLY…

DARREN ARONOFSKY BATTLES “EVAN ALMIGHTY” BUT NOT REALLY…

Noah and his ark are certainly making an impression in modern film. In fact, it seems there is so much Noah business going on that I am surprised Michael Bay isn’t getting on this train, with his 360 degree camera angles and slow motion Ben Affleck. Affleck would make a great Noah. Probably. Maybe. Not. […]



Posted on April 30, 2007 by

VACANCY

3 Stars
Year Released: 2007
MPAA Rating: R
Running Time: 85 minutes

The film isn’t any longer than it needs to be (it’s only 80 minutes after all) but Smith lets the ending get the better of him and ends up being the film’s biggest flaw…


Posted on April 29, 2007 by

10 FILMS TO HELP YOU JUDGE A POTENTIAL SUITOR

10 FILMS TO HELP YOU JUDGE A POTENTIAL SUITOR

The dating scene can be real bummer. Especially when you think you finally found that perfect someone and all seems to be going great. Great, that is, until you find out they have the worst taste in movies ever. What if the first time you make it to their house is like 3 months into […]



Posted on April 26, 2007 by

SIMON COWELL LIVES TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY

SIMON COWELL LIVES TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY

And so does American Idol. “Is he writing a blog about Simon Cowell?” Yes, yes I am. I know some of you fine Threat readers are fans of American Idol. And though I haven’t quite figured out why you (or the millions of other people) actually like and defend the show, I thought I’d address […]



Posted on April 20, 2007 by

« Older Entries    Newer Entries »    Jump To: (4 of 19)