Since this new blog endeavor seems to be leaning towards calling out fellow writers and journalists, I thought I’d take issue 3 of “Internet Stuff That’s Frigging Ubiquitous” in another direction. This time, I’m lookin’ at you readers. Specifically those who are falling all over themselves to shake a fist in the face of George Lucas and what they perceive as his shift to the darkside over the last decade. Summer 2008 has basically become “The Summer George Lucas Raped My Childhood” according to thousands, if not millions of movie geeks online who are bitching and whining like Luke Skywalker when he screamed “you’re not my father!!!” so many years ago.
Why, just today in the Film Threat forum a regular reader again made the claim that, and I’m paraphrasing here, George Lucas defiled him in unspeakable ways. In no way is this column directed at you fair FT reader (I actually started it over the weekend) but since you brought it up, here’s the deal. If George Lucas is “raping” you and your childhood, you’re asking for it by bending over seductively, reaching for your wallet in a dark theater while sucking popcorn butter slowly off your fingers. Here’s how it is, and I’ll start back when “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” dropped in May.
Indiana Jones and all the Indy films are awesome. ALL of them, including the new one. They were never meant to be James Bond in a leather jacket and a fedora and they were never some allegorical cinematic masterpiece. They’re just popcorn movies and Indy is an everyman who just happens to be an explorer, adventurer and archaeologist. In fact, he doesn’t seem all that keen on the explorer/adventurer aspect to be honest and he’s actually kind of a dork who gets his ass kicked frequently and that’s why we love him: he’s relatable. If you look back at “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” there’s tons of cheese in that movie and some really corny visuals and dialogue as well. All the movies have goofy, fun moments and that’s because they’re supposed to be fun and silly and ridiculous and if anything “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” plays into this “Saturday morning serial” idea the best out of all of them. But here’s where the disconnect with modern day viewers occurs. (**Note: stupid swinging with monkeys scene not included in defense of movie**)
Where were you the first time you saw “Raiders of the Lost Ark?” Since we’re including all things Lucas (and I’m fully aware he didn’t direct the Indiana Jones movies, but he’s getting all the flak on the new one) where were you the first time you saw your first “Star Wars” movie. Everyone remembers that sort of thing and many times, you were in a safe, happy place and you were probably quite young. After all, as one intelligent commenter noted in the comments section Pete’s review of “The Clone Wars,” these are all kids movies and always have been. Since I’m in my 30’s, I remember my dad taking me to see “Star Wars” in the theater and it was the first time I really remember bonding with him. For you younger folks, I bet your dads (or moms or cool Uncles) took you to the new versions of “Star Wars” or made a big deal about showing you the VHS tapes or the DVDs in order to start a new tradition because seeing “Star wars” or “Raiders” had meant so much to them. It’s become a tradition parents can’t wait to share with their kids and hopefully it will go on and on. Seeing “Star Wars” and “Raiders” for the first time is and always will be an event for most people who are really into movies.
Why do you think they’re rehashing all these movies now? It’s to get a new generation involved. It’s not for YOU, adult movie geek. It’s for the younger generation who are movie goers and not only that, but they’re the #1 movie goers in terms of revenue. Well, let me take that back a little. It’s for you, the movie/Star Wars/Indiana Jones geek to take your kids or nieces or nephews to see and remember and build a memory with. And do you know why?
Because right now, if you’re old enough to be typing away about how George Lucas should be castrated and stuffed inside a TonTon, your life is happening for real. Real life isn’t all medal ceremonies for heroes and parties with Ewoks. There’s work and relationships and taxes and hangovers, none of which was around the first time you saw a George Lucas movie. Also, if you sincerely wish bodily harm on George Lucas for his latest output you apparently have deep seated anger issues and need help. Point being, you’re no longer a little kid wowed by special effects, snuggled close to a parent that paid for your admission, bought you soda and junk food and is keeping you safe from the big bad world. And whether or not you want to admit it, there would be nothing better than emerging from a new Lucas movie and feeling like you were 10 years old again with no worries in life and to have that feeling last for a few days. In fact, if this society of film fans wasn’t so obsessed with the meta-details of every frigging thing in every frigging movie, you might be able to escape for 2+ hours and get some relief from your misery rather than salivating to see how Lucas pooped all over your vision of how these movies “should” be done.
That being said, do you know why I didn’t and will not be seeing “Clone Wars?” Because…it looks awful. I made that judgment all on my own when I saw the trailers and didn’t care for the animation or the array of characters involved. That’s another thing that bothers the hell out of me with all this Lucas bashing bandwagon jumping that’s been going on. I simply cannot believe every geek who feels abused by Lucas came to the idea that he somehow “raped” them all on their own. Geek groupthink should always be avoided at all costs. Step away from the keyboard and your crafty ‘net handle and get a grip.
The other reason I’m avoiding the film in theaters is because “The Clone Wars” is merely serving as a launch to the new TV show of the same name and the film is going to be on TV. And while everyone rants and raves and chases Frankenlucas to the castle with torches, you know you’ll be watching it. Sure, you say you’re done forever and what he’s done is unforgivable but you’ll be watching. Either with your kids, cousins, nieces and nephews or hidden safely away in your bedroom where the prying eyes of your fellow internet brethren who’ve also sworn off all things Lucas won’t see, you’ll be watching. You’ll snuggle close to your Chewbacca doll on flannel “Star Wars” sheets with your head resting on Indiana Jones pillowcases hoping, praying that the “The Clone Wars” or the live action “Star Wars” series and anything Lucas does makes you feel safe and secure and happy once again. And if you’d just relax and let these things entertain you, they just might take you back there…to a galaxy far, far away…to your youth where everything was a hell of a lot easier.
Posted by Georgia Menides in Writer's Corner at 12:01 AM
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Something I love about Steve’s episodes is seeing how someone outside of our production viewed what was going on behind our scenes; especially when, such as our time in that dance club, his perspective of the experience is so opposite of my memories that I wonder if we were even working on the same movie.
Watching this montage, filming in the club seemed like a joyful time of laughter and goofy dancing. I guess that is Steve’s memory. My memory of those two days were not quite so rosy. I remember an avalanche of stress with one scheduling obstacle after another on two days of shooting that could simply not be rescheduled.
We had cast an actress from Massachusetts in a small but important role and had flown her into town for just two days, to film all her scenes, including her scenes in the dance club. This was a role, and entire through line, that ended up getting cut. But we had no way of knowing that at the time. What we knew was that come hell or high-water we had to shoot our club scenes on Monday 8/14 and Tuesday 8/15 end of story. We could not afford to change her flight or extend her stay in Florida. We were locked in to those days at the Flash-U, the very gay dance club who had generously agreed to les us shoot for free.
By now Sarah Jones had arrived in Florida as our new leading lady. Her arrival was immediately followed by scheduling snag # 1. No sooner did Sarah land in Florida, that her manger informed us she was needed back in Los Angeles immediately, to film one final scene for her upcoming HBO show, Big Love, which, of course, was shooting exactly when we were shooting our club scenes.
So I rewrote, Jon re-blocked, and Andrea rescheduled so that Sarah’s club scenes could all be shot on Monday allowing her to fly back to Los Angeles Monday night. On Tuesday we would shoot every non Sarah scene, while she filmed Big Love, and we would get her got back that Wednesday.
Andrea was working out these logistics with Sarah’s manager her phone rang…and here came scheduling crisis # 2. Another actress who playing the role of Lisa, a character who (thank god) we had not shot with yet, had left Andrea a hysterical voice message. This actress’s mother had just had a major stroke, was in the hospital and apparently could die.
Outside of the obvious distress and concern for this sweet young girl, suddenly forced to deal with something no teenager should ever have to face, we now needed re cast this role…quickly. This was Saturday. All of Sarah’s scenes were linked with Lisa’s. We needed a new Lisa cast and ready to short Monday morning at 6 am. On Saturday night I stared rifling through headshots of every actress who we had liked but not cast, and called a few local modeling agencies explaining the situation. These restrictions were challenging. We needed someone who could audition on Sunday, and then rearrange her entire life in one day to be able to join our cast and start shooting the very next day.
Fortunately acting is an insanely competitive craft. Movies with even modest budgets and a few Hollywood actors did not come to Naples Florida very often. So in the end, we found a good 10 actresses ready and willing to throw their hat in the ring for the role of Lisa.
Sunday was Andrea’s birthday. Before the Lisa crisis hit, Jon ’s plan was to use the occasion to get all the actors together for a fun day ay the beach. He wanted to get these kids to start bonding by leading them some “getting to know you” games he had mastered during his years of teaching improv. Between the myriad of problems we had been dealing with, this crucial bonding day had been pushed off and off and there was nothing more important to Jon than to get these actors to a point where they seemed like real friends. Added to the mix was the fact that one of our Hollywood actors, Doug Spain, had been filming another movie that ran over schedule and had just landed to Florida two days prior. His first scene was also in the club, and it involved some serious tongue with local actress Nikki Komendat. She had never had to kiss a boy on screen before, was nervous as hell. We were hoping these two could have some time together to stir up at least a minimal amount of chemistry before they had to swallow tongues on screen.
With all this unexpected drama, I had not had time to start calling anyone on my “potential extra” sheet, and we needed a club full of dancing teenagers in two days.
So we divvied and conquered. The actors came over to the beach house, under strict command to party, play volleyball, swim, and start bonding immediately. Meanwhile, I strolled down the street a few blocks (there was no cell phone reception inside our house) running down my call list for extras, as Andrea ushered a slew of potential new Lisa’s into the house to audition. By about ten that night, we had decided on Gricel Castinera, a beautiful young Cuban actress who conveniently lived with her parents in Naples, and was talking online college classes so she had the flexibility we needed. By 11 pm, she was cast, e-mailed a script, and told to show up at the Flash-Up at 6 am the next morning.
Meanwhile our actors were on the beach, swimming, frolicking…and getting attacked by sea lice.
When it came to the dangerous sea creatures of Florida, I had spent the last two months freaking out about sharks, barracudas, and sting rays. I had no idea what a sea louse even was. That was about to change.
Two of our actors, both needed for the dance scenes, came in from the water on Sunday night with weird red bumps all over their arms and legs. They itched, they hurt, they were panicking, and no one knew what the hell had caused these bumps. Why only these two actors suddenly looked like they had come down with chicken pox while everyone else was fine was not something we understood. What we understood was that we needed to rush both of them to the emergency room immediately.
So as I continued to call extras as Andrea brought our invalids to the Emergency room, where were leaned about sea lice. We learned that small assassins thrive in the Gulf of Mexico and love the taste of human flesh. Alough they were harmless bites that would go away in a few days with pills and creams, they still were unsightly, uncomfotrable, and made both of these actors very upset. We learned from the ER doctors that you could defend human skin from these monsters by drenching your skin in “skin so soft,” a tip I would have loved to have been clued into before our big “hey everyone why don’t you all bond in the water” day. The other strange thing about sea lice is that for reasons unknown to even the highest skilled dermatologist, these monsters feasted on some skin but not all skin. Some people were susceptible to these bites and some weren’t. As the shoot went on, we discovered that Andrea, our Art Director, Doug Spain, and our cinematographer Brian Crane were in the “susceptible” camp (later on in the shoot Brian developed an allergic reaction to these bites and broke out into severe hives). But the immediate problem was that it was Sunday, and we had two actors who we needed on their game first thing Monday morning now, dopes up on meds, and really pissed off.
At the very least, in the middle of all this nonsense, some good news arrived. The teacher of a big dance studio in Naples had hears about our need for extras and had called me. She was hoping to get as many of her dance students as possible into the club scene. My extra problem was immediately solved! Suddenly we had plenty of cute extras who could dance to boot.
What we were missing were a staff capable of dealing with all these extras. I was out of commission for half the shoot, shuttling the actors to the dermatologist and picking up new prescriptions for them. Andrea was there and coordinating everything like a pro. But she also had to take care of Sarah’s transportation to Los Angeles and back as well as the press who that day, literally, pounced on us. Doug and Evil were hauling equipment into and out of shots, and the extras were often left to fend for themselves.
Paul, our fourth producer had come down with a bad cold the night before the club shoot. He was also dead tired. The entire concept of living on 3-4 hour s of sleep at night and a constant diet of stress was new to him. He needed a night to sleep in. He also needed some cold medicine. Unfortunately, by the time his work was done, the initial idea of swigging some Nyquil at 9pm and heading to sleep turned into swigging some Nyquil at 3 am and waking up at 6 am, feeling out of it, as anyone who takes Nyquil is, for the next 8 hours. So for half the day our fourth producer was in no shape to even talk, much less work on Still Green.
On top of all this, we were dealing with some unexpected teen drama behind the scenes of our teen drama. Without getting into too many details, suffice to say that two girls hooked up with the same boy and the aftermath of this culminated, of all times, at the Flash-Up. Temper tantrums flared. Gossip abounded. People took sides. Andrea and I had to play a little game of Dr. Phil to get this situation resolved.
So this is what I remember of filming the club scenes. For me, the most rewarding thing was the end result; a fun chemistry laden well produced club scene that turned into one of my favorite parts of the film. But beyond this, it was nice to know that amidst all the drama, at least judging from Steve’s footage, people were having the fun positive experience on our set that we had set out to give them. Thank god!
Edit: If the above video doesn’t work, here’s the link.
“The latest advert, first shown in Britain on July 13, never aired on American television, but prompted a flood of complaints from the US claiming it was offensive to homosexuals.”
Jesus… I’m so sick of this. If it’s not the Grim Reaper taking away the funny people like George Carlin or Bernie Mac, it’s these entitled Bolsheviks trying to destroy anything human about the human race under the guise of human fucking rights.
Also, who the fuck complained? I seriously doubt any of them were gay, I really do. This sounds like a bunch of white hetero metrosexual middle class hippy communist do-gooders being offended over something that doesn’t concern them, yet again.
Let’s get something straight k? Most gay people have a sense of humor and bigger balls than just about anyone else on the planet. They’ve got to deal with real bigotry and violence on a daily basis, so this twaddle isn’t going to offend them. They’re too busy trying to keep the Phelps family away from their friend’s funerals to bother with this nonsense. Mr. T throwing chocolate bars at a speedwalker is the least of their worries.
Got that hippie? They need your support and your acceptance, not your misguided sense of outrage over silly bullshit.
Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to go indulge in my hobby, which is driving a tank around town barechested while smoking a cigar.
My friend, and longtime Film Threat contributer, Dennis Przywara was on-hand at the 2008 San Diego Comic-Con, and decided to record bits and pieces of the Masquerade Ball, including moments of confusion as they flashed over my face (and when I not aware of his filming me). Here’s the video of my confusion:
Followed by what Dennis was able to put together with said confusion, some Lionel Ritchie and geeks behaving… geeky:
When I get a moment, I’ll edit together the bits I’ve got of the post-Ball rave that happened… or perhaps just post them. Regardless, all the video paints a very disturbing picture…
Posted by Georgia Menides in Writer's Corner at 12:01 AM
PDT
First there is a script. Then the script is turned into something entirely different during production. Then the real movie, combining the best of both, is assembled in the editing room. I believe any film can be saved, made extraordinary, or completely ruined in post, and that until a final final final final cut is complete, all judgment about how well the film has turned out must be suspended.
In April of 2006 we finished our first cut of Still Green. Between the missing scenes, missing voice overs, and other problems we didn’t even realize we had until our first test screening, it was not a good movie. The film was testing well with highly intelligent introspective girls in their late 30’s…and that was it. Even teenagers were not interested yet. This version was too slow and the characters were one dimensional. Although we comforted ourselves saying that shooting the missing scenes and adding the voice overs would make the difference, something inside all four of us was hissing in our ears, whispering that the problems with Still Green ran deeper, and could not be rectified by fixing these problems alone.
In May of 2006, we finished our next cut. This cut had no voice overs but included all the missing scenes and it fared a little better….but not much better. Those introspective 30s year old females were still in our corner. College kids seemed to hate it across the board, although I believe a lot of that comes less from the film itself and more from the fact that college kids are entering a new phase of their lives where they want to be “above” the teen drama of their high school years so this was not a huge concern to us. The huge concern was that teenagers were lukewarm about our teen film. Our teen test screeners were telling us that the characters in Still Green were shallow and not representative of what teenagers were really like.
This was devastating feedback. The whole point of Still Green was to show teenagers as they really are; smart, deep, impulsive and hormone driven sure, but also aware and able to handle deeper concepts of death and spirituality. The characters were supposed to be layered and complex, no stereotypical high school archetypes allowed.
The confusing thing was this. The characters in the script were deep and multi layered. If anything, the script had been well praised for the realsitc characters. In the film, the acting was fantastic. The performances were getting rave reviews, even by people who hated the movie. So if the writing and the acting was realistic, what the hell was going on here?
In July of 2006, we finished our next cut. By this time, we had voice overs and a whole batch of scenes. We reassembled, rearranged, and changed the ending; all to make these characters as real and deep as they were supposed to be.
We screened this cut, and it was like everything in the universe finally began to click. Suddenly the resounding feedback, from test screenings was that Still Green indeed showed teenagers as they really were. Teenagers were loving it. Some were calling it their favorite movie. Even those disgruntled college kids had to admit that the film was an accurate portrayal of teen life. We were exhilarated. After putting the movie in a blender, pressing frappe, and letting it mix for four months, we finally had a cut of the movie we were proud of…almost.
There was still one huge problem and we could not figure out how to solve it. The movie was too slow. Yes Still Green is a slower paced film in the first place. In fact, if you are the kind of person who needs blood and explosions you will most likely hate Still Green. This is a character driven drama where, to quote a friend of mine “nothing is happening, but everything is happening.”
But the movie was too slow, even for us. It didn’t seem too slow for our teenagers. And there was a small cluster of other people who liked the movie, loved it even. These were mainly sensitive artists, introspective females, and the kind of people who love Hurly Burly or Factotum or other “day in the life “style films. These were our fans.
But those people were not the majority. The overwhelming response to Still Green was that it was almost there, but not quite…because it was just too slow. People zoned out. People were bored.
So we trimmed and trimmed, but it was still too slow. We brought the movie to Buttons Sound for a stellar audio mix that amped up the energy ten fold…still too slow. We brought it to a post house where our cinematographer, Brian Cane, personally color corrected the whole film. Even staunch Still Green haters have always conceded that the film is gorgeous to look at, and now every shot simply radiated…but it still too slow.
It wasn’t until June of 2007 that Andrea had a brainstorm which finally brought Still Green to the film it is now. She suggested we try unfolding the plot in reverse, starting from the death, and flashing back and forth, allowing us to control not only the pace, but the development of each character and plot points to keep things moving along. This process took another three months but in the end, the difference was night and day.
Suddenly we had a deep movie. Suddenly we had a gripping movie. Suddenly we had an “art house” movie. Now we were getting accepted, selling out, and even winning awards at festivals. Now even the college kids were responding. Still Green is still not for everyone. This is not and never will be an action or high concept film. But now reviewers were using words like “deep” “haunting” and “”hypnotic.”when Still Green screened at festivals. And soon we had attracted the interest of two awesome producers reps, something we had been trying and failing to accomplish for the past year.
So all’s well that ends well in our efforts to achieve the deep-but-still-teen film we had set our to make. It took a few years, but I can now say, without any hesitation, that Still Green is everything we hoped it would become and then some.
I am sure we are not the only filmmakers who have had to reshoot, flip, reverse, and invert our footage to make it work. But I have read the scripts for other films, and then gone on to see the movie, and I have to say that a good number of them hang a hell of a lot closer to the script than we did.
So what happened? How had a story that sizzled on the page need this much tweaking to finally hold an audience on screen? Although it worked so well for Still Green, I hope to avoid deviating this far from my scripts in the future.
Here’s what I’ve come up with so far…
Sometimes it was my fault as a writer when a scene fell flat. My screenplay was a too poetic and it hurt the film. Perhaps this is something more experienced writers already knew and I had to find out the hard way. There is no point in putting any beautiful language into your script outside of the dialogue itself. The action should probably be as dry, bare boned, and to the point as humanly possible. Well written extras can actually hurt your film. I can describe a room where a bunch of kids are just sitting there talking in a way that is seeped in gorgeous tension. But you can’t see any of that. At the end of the day, all you see is a bunch of kids sitting there talking … boring.
There is no way to predict the unforeseen. But there are plenty of things that, had we really done our homework, could have been avoided.
One would have been to prepare for those unpredictable calamities and have a back up plan already in place. We had no way of knowing that our underwater cinematographer would mentally unravel, becoming so unbalanced that we were, literally, afraid to get into the ocean with this guy, and in the end had to cut all our underwater shots. Was something lost when those underwater scenes had to be moved to take place on the beach, or worse, sitting in the living room? Of course.
We could not have predicted the turtle time issue, which may sound silly in Steve’s series, but caused a serious problem. There is a different energy between day and night. Was something lost by having to change so many scenes from night to day? I imagine so.
We had no way of knowing that when an actor says “I am comfortable with nudity” it may mean “I am kissing your ass right now to get this role. But In fact I am most definitely NOT comfortable with nudity, and every scene where my clothes are supposed to come off is going to have to change.” But when you are writing a drama with 10 characters, every scene is a deliberate build for more than one character at once, and if a scene has to go because someone won’t take their clothes off, an entire character arch can be thrown.
We had no way of predicting Katrina or the millions of other not so welcome surprises that forced us to strip some of the atmosphere, natural ambience, and sex out of our shots.
But there are things we could have prepped for. We were New Englanders shooting in another universe, as far as we know. We should have done some research. We could have studied the ripple effects of Hurricane seasons on the ocean, weather patters, and on the price of water insurance, especially when a high percentage of the original script took place in the ocean. I could have prepared ahead of time and written back up scenes that could still resonate without reliance on these unstable elements. I could have written scene A-1 before we even got to Florida, rather than trying to move scene A from the ocean to the kitchen and expecting it to work.
Florida is a strange tropical paradise that looks beautiful and captivating on screen. But it is a hot nasty bitch of a place to shoot a movie and we went in almost blind.
But this is why you make your first movie. Like getting drunk for the first time, you have to puke and bump into things and piss off your friends, and get all this out of the way so you can truly become a seasoned veteran of your craft.
So the internets are abuzz this week with a new venture sure to satisfy fans of horror, comedy and general weirdness. “XBox Live” has announced a slate of horror-comedy (horror-com?) films that will be released on the video game system this fall featuring some of the best and brightest horror filmmakers around. Directors for the series, which is titled “Masters of Horror Take on Comedy,” include James Gunn (“Slither”), Marcus Nispel (“Texas Chainsaw Massacre”), James Wan (“Saw”), David Slade (“30 Days of Night”) and Lucky McKee (“The Woods.”)
Gunn was recently at Comic-Con getting the word out on his funny and creepy looking “Humanzee” which stars his brother Sean Gunn as well as Valentine Miele, Mackenzie Firgens, Mikaela Hoover and this writers favorite “star” Jenna Haze. The basic premise is a man adopts a human/chimp hybrid son and twisted, bloody hilarity ensues. Here’s a trailer for the film since words will only undersell the whole thing:
All of the films are around 30 minutes in length and will be released as a series for free download to those who have the Xbox 360 Gaming console.
With so many options out there to download content, I gotta say this one seems to be one of the most clever. While I don’t have an Xbox 360, it seems pretty brilliant to hire some of the brightest minds in horror to create content specifically made for the Xbox 360 and the peeps who utilize the systems various online capabilities. Now, I’m really kind of miffed I don’t have the console and if they continue to develop good looking content, that might change in a hurry.
While other sites out there seem to be aggregating content through older movies, TV shows and other re-run media, this strikes me as a smart way to play to your fan base as well as garner interest in the Xbox 360. I’m sure I’m generalizing, but I imagine people who are into gaming hardcore enough to own an Xbox 360 and utilize the online bells and whistles are also somewhat geeky fanboy types who dig horror. And comedy. And hot chicks. Time will tell if “Masters of Horror Take on Comedy” is any better than the name they’ve chosen for the series, but niche programming through a video game system? Well played Microsoft, well played.
I’ve been thinking about all this talk about “The Dark Knight” not being on pace to beat “Titanic” for the all-time box office crown and… considering we’ll be passed the $400 million mark this week, with only $201 million left to go, it doesn’t seem impossible. “Titanic” stunk up theaters for months. “The Dark Knight” has been around for three weeks.
As movie geeks, it is our sacred DUTY to make sure that “Titanic” is de-throned. In other words, I don’t care how many times you’ve seen “The Dark Knight,” you need to go see it again. Fuck, don’t see it again, just buy tickets. Convince your friends to do the same. We’re talking about an investment in the history of cinema. Isn’t that worth a little extra from you this month?
Falling asleep 38 minutes into “Lars and the Real Girl” three nights ago was a sign that my film-watching patience and skill has dwindled now to virtually non-existent that I have become a father. It’s as simple as this: When you are exhausted from chasing around a toddler all day, the last thing you want to do is watch an art house film and analyze Ryan Gosling’s moustache icicles during a snow storm.
I used to love art house films. Love them. I hated MEN IN BLACK. I hated INDEPENDENCE DAY. I loved things like ED’S NEXT MOVE. I despised any film without Woody Allen’s wit or Chris Farley’s jiggly chins. I had no time for popcorn fluff pieces that flashed across the screen during my single matinee movie going days.
NOW? I want action. Superheroes, Iron Man, Dark Knight… whatever. Something to keep me excited and awake and alive. Something to remind me that once, before marriage and the birth of my child, I was a swinging bad-ass with 9 Playmate’s, two extremely famous actresses and Fergie’s phone numbers in my Ericcson cellular phone. Now? Look at me. I went to see James Taylor at the Greek Theater last night for crying out loud.
Five years ago, I was trading a 22-year-old blonde girl mushrooms for a blow job at a Crystal Method show, and last night, there I was, checking my iphone to see if my 15 dollar-an-hour nanny was texting me while I sat praying she wouldn’t interrupt “Sweet Baby James.”
The nanny, by the way, is the main reason the independent film market is slowly dwindling. Lots of shot, unsold films are out there, collecting dust and withering away on shelves. (I know, as an actor, Im in about 13 of them…)
Here’s my point. Nannys cost $15.00 an hour these days. Movies (especially at places like the Arclight in Los Angeles) can run $14.00 a pop. Add $2.00 for parking, $18.00 or so for concessions and $20.00 for the inevitable post film red wine, and you’re looking at a 4 hour evening that runs you close to $120.00. To see a fucking MOVIE!
It happened to me with I’M NOT THERE - the Bob Dylan flick. Saw the film with my wife, got Carmen, our best nanny, had some sodas and popcorn and went to St. Nick’s Tavern for a post film cocktail. After bitching about how nobody really understands Bob Dylan the way I do (A typical musician thought following this film) I found myself at an ATM gathering 120 dollars to pay Carmen for basically coming over, throwing on the ELMO IN GROUCHLAND DVD and putting my son to sleep. It aint bad work if you can get it.
Now, is $120 worth it to see a film? Maybe, if the film is full of ACTION and GORE and COMEDY and VIOLENCE and SUSPENSE and WONDER. Like IRON MAN. A perfect $120 movie. I’ll say the same for BORAT and THE DARK KNIGHT. IM NOT THERE? Not worth it. Neither are 98% of the films out there today. It’s as if you pay the filmmakers to put you to sleep.
So, when I think about how much I used to love going to the independent films at the Laemmle here in L.A. I remember that it just isn’t worth dropping the cash to see. And, like any patient, broke dad, I wait until my Netflix cue is empty and fill it up with independent brilliance like LARS AND THE REAL GIRL to remind myself that I once took deep interest in artsy, well- written films without any CGI or special effects, super heroes, hot women, cool cars and fast planes.
Posted by Georgia Menides in Writer's Corner at 12:01 AM
PDT
There is no new making of webisode on Film Threat this week because Steve is having technical difficulties. He is in the process of sorting these difficulties out and an exciting and particularly dramatic Episode 8 is coming up next Wednesday. But for now, he is stuck in computer hell. The long story short is that his fdfdgdfds was updated and that was not compatible with the new version of this 656rewknsafsa and now his G5 is not playing any video.
This is about as far as my understanding of computers and all related technology goes. Perhaps it is because I’m a tree hugging hippie who meditates on the beach, reads tarot cards, and literally, hugs trees to feel better when I’m depressed, but there is a part of my brain that is completely resistant to the absorption of any and all things technical.
Without the help of Doug, I may not even have a working DVD player, much less a computer, much less ever been on the internet, much less have an edited feature film that has been converted into digi beta, hdcam, and DVD. I can not burn CDs or DVDs. I can not upload, down load, or install software. Yes, I can edit, if by edit you mean figure out what scenes and shots should go where and how a story should unfold. But when it comes to actually pressing a button on our Powermac, even if it is just the “on” button on the monitor, I am terrified. In fact, I flat out won’t do it. I’ll talk you ear off about pace, character build, and viewer perspective, but all talk of mbit, 10adi, and other format related topics come at me like a foreign language.
To say that this has been a sore point in my working relationship with Doug would be like saying that breaking a leg might bother someone on the track team for the upcoming Olympics. Not that I don’t do my part when it comes to producing Still Green. But when it comes to any and all technical responsibility, Doug is on his own. This is something I plan on rectifying somehow before we shoot our next feature. Let me rephrase that. This is something Doug has insisted I rectify before we even think about development for our next feature. But suffice to say this is not my strength, to say the least.
So when it was suggested that I use this most recent computer crisis as an opportunity to bog about the many many many technical issues that Still Green has faced, I felt like someone just asked me to blog about neural sceience or chaos theory or anything that I’m am simply not qualified to talk about. I was never the one up for days trying to figure out what the fuck was wrong with out computer before an upcoming deadline of some kind, or burning screeners for festivals, or preparing AIFF files for our sound designer, or splitting the video tracks for the color correctionist or, for that matter, sitting in a studio with the color correctionsist every day for two months trying to figure out why our footage wouldn’t upconvert. Doug should be blogging about these technical difficulties. He is the one who dealt with all of them.
I could tell all kinds of horror stories, and believe me, we are loaded with them. But they would all sound like this. “Right before the deadline of (insert whatever festival, agent, distribution rep, post production house, publicists etc needed a copy of the movie at that moment) the dsfjsdkfdsml wouldn’t adsklfndlk causing our skdjasdkla to sdkljldskdmsakl and so Doug had to sdlrkdslkfnds for weeks to fix the problem.
But here is what I do know.
1. I know that there is a monster inside every Mac computer that eats files. This has happened to us on many occasions and to every other editor I know who uses Final Cut Pro. The fact that a certain shot or sequence was safely saved on your hard drive in May does not at all mean that this file will still be on your hard drive the following January when you realize you want that shot or sequence back into your picture. I can not say that I know a lot about this monster, but I know that he or she prefers a diet of crucial shots or scenes to your film, ideally shots or scenes that your rep has specifically asked you to put back into the movie. It also has a special palate for shots your director has decided he cannot live without.
2. Your Powermac is psychologically unbalanced. It has absolutely no coping skills for the daily stress that goes into filmmaking much less for the uber stressful times. It should be on Prozac. It should be into deep cognitive therapy. Because very time there is a deadline your Powermac will have an emotional breakdown where it simply does not function. Our Powermac is emotionally equipped to handle daily life’s ups and downs such as small editing changes, or burning screeners…except when there is a non negotiable deadline. Then she crumbles, falls into a manic depressive state, and simply refuses to function. We have to take her to the doctor with her health care provider, apple care, covering the cost and sometimes, she stays sick and in bed for weeks. I do not know what the solution to this is. Every time she comes back from the doctor, she is given a clean bill of health. But come the next deadline it is almost a guarantee that she will have another emotional breakdown. I believe Steve’s computer is breaking down for similar reason…he has a deadline.
3. Because “my computer is having technical difficulties” has become the new “the dog ate my homework” excuse that everyone uses to justify their lack of completion of anything these days, no one cares about your computer woes. In fact, if anything, it raises major red flags of suspicious. You can almost hear people thinking, “Did your computer really break or were you just out partying all night rather than diligently burning these screeners and is that why I don’t have them?” There is nothing to be done about this either. We all have legitimate computer problems and let’s be honest; we have all blamed a computer difficulty when it was not the case at some point in our lives as well.
But the light at the end of this tunnel is that although computers do have a mind of their own and can fuck your production beyond belief if you are not carefully and even if you are careful, there is usually a solution. It is not usually a fun solution or a quick one but there is one. We have had major computer problems that caused drama in every aspect of this movie post including capturing, editing, test screenings, audio design, color correction, screener creation, film festival screenings and promotion, and now in our sales efforts. But Still Green is still here, alive, and kicking.
A week or so back, I started what I hope will be a regular column called “Internet S.T.F.U.” which stands for Internet Stuff That’s Frigging Ubiquitous.” As I said then, I spend too much time in my office at my “real” job reading other sites and blogs and the more I do so, the more I see really annoying trends and topics in the world of film that gain momentum. Yet for this installment, I’d actually like to use my S.T.F.U. platform to ask Drew McWeeny (aka “Moriarity”) of Ain’t it Cool News to please, shut the fuck up and stop being a useless studio stooge.
At the beginning of July, Drew further entrenched himself in the pocket of the major studios (this time, Universal) by coming out to the studio for an “editing room visit” on the third Mummy movie “The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.” Since it’s truly a moot point by now to bitch about how ridiculous it is to have a site or magazine dedicated to reviewing films visiting sets and editing bays, I’ll drop it. But I will say I simply do not get the point of having a writer come visit your editing bay for a sneak peek of an embargoed film. (Note: Many new release Hollywood films have review “embargoes” placed on them by the studios. While many writers and press get to see films at press screenings, or even ahead of press screenings, they’re asked to not post an official review until the date of release).
Having a writer visit your set or editing bay and then agree to an embargo is ridiculous. Of course they’re going to go back and write about what they saw straight away while it’s newsworthy and that’s what McWeeny did. Plus, since they just got flown out to a set or studio, put up in a hotel and allowed access to a blockbuster…what do you think their response will be? Well, look no further than Drew McWeeny/Moriarty’s review of his visit to the editing bay for “Mummy 3.”
Since nausea and a genuine aversion to ass kissing and self promotion keeps me away from Ain’t it Cool News, I only go there when something somewhere else catches my eye. Today, it was David Poland’s complete bashing of Mummy 3 on Movie City News’s “The Hot Blog.” While I’m leaning towards agreeing with Poland that the movie is atrocious, I always try to avoid early reviews of movies I want to see. I do not want to see “Mummy 3” so I read his blog review in which he says of the film, “I haven’t seen The Love Guru or Space Chimps, so I can’t be sure, but The Mummy:TotDE seems like it has a real shot at Worst Film Of The Summer awards. It was much worse than Meet Dave or Journey To The Center Of The Earth or The Happening. Really special.” Ouch! Now I really don’t want to see it.
Poland allows commenters on his blog and who should be the first (FIRST!) commenter, but Mr. Editing Bay Visitor himself, Drew McWeeny. His comment ends with him calling Mummy 3 “wretched.” This inspired me to seek out McWeeny’s piece on his editing bay visit and what I read turned my stomach, especially since he has gone to another site to express his dislike of a movie he just spent three pages promoting on his site.
In the AICN piece, McWeeny praises Mummy 3 without actually praising it, but instead aligning it against the low hanging fruit that is the fanboy bashed “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.” Without pulling quotes from his ass-sucking write-up, I counted eight references to the latest Indy film. Eight! In a piece about the Mummy 3! The most irritating and pointless complaint/comparison is where McWeeny makes note of the fact that Vic Armstrong, who was Harrison Ford’s stunt double and who also did the stunt coordinating in the earlier Indiana Jones films, serves as the second unit director on Mummy 3. It seems Armstrong wasn’t asked to work on the new Indy film which hurt his feelings and so Mummy 3 director Rob Cohen hired him. Neat. Anyone want to guess how much time the AICN crew got to spend on the set or in the editing bay for Indy 4?
The sad part is, McWeeny’s trick worked! He successfully reminded the slathering AICN fanboys how much they loathed Indy 4 as well over half of the comments on his story echo the sentiment that, as one commenter posited, “Indy 4 raped my summer.” Other commenters took the bait hook line and sinker and decided Mummy 3 could be good because Moriarty has laid his piece out as “if you hated Indy 4, you might like Mummy 3.”
So in summary…
Drew McWeeny got to visit the editing bay on Mummy 3 and see much of the first act of the film. He wrote about what he saw way ahead of anyone and way ahead of the embargo date.
Drew McWeeny then sat down with the film’s director Rob Cohen (who, I neglected to mention, is a total hack) and they talked about how much Cohen loves China and some other frothy topics, all before his official review (or his site’s official review) was to come out.
Drew McWeeny in his review of Mummy 3 builds the film up as “the anti-Indy 4” in a not-so-secret-attempt to fire up fanboys who hated Indy in order to drive them towards Mummy 3.
Drew McWeeny went to The Hot Blog where he discussed his disdain for Mummy 3,a movie he praised in his report on his editing room visit.
It’s truly unbelievable that Ain’t it Cool is still around, and not just due to their sketchy tactics. More because it’s genuinely shocking that their readers let them get away with this crap and read it as news or criticism. But then again, Ain’t it Cool is like fanboy porn. These dudes at AICN are like the fat ass pizza guys who show up at the hot chicks door and get invited in to get blown and laid when said hot chick has no money for her delivery. That’s something that porn viewers know will never happen to them just like fanboys know they’ll never get to do all the geeky things their hero writers will get to do.
Regardless of the psychological underpinnings of AICN, I’d like us all to do our homework here. Let’s consider it like a science experiment, shall we? Knowing what we now know about McWeeny’s involvement with “The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor” and it’s director, his apparent pal Rob Cohen, let’s see what kind of write-ups he or his site give the film. We can all meet back here Saturday to discuss. See you then!
