I rented Inland Empire yesterday, never seen it before. I’m a big Lynch fan since the Twin Peaks days. Not as big of a fan of his surreal stuff like Eraserhead, but I can appreciate it. He’s a genius, no if/ands/buts.
However, as usual, one thing led to another and I had NO time at all during the day to watch movies. So I ended up starting the damn thing at around 11:30 last night. Well Jeremy doesn’t do too good with staying up late so basically I was falling asleep after less than 30 minutes.
That’s when I got the most brilliant idea. The type of shit David Lynch would love. Hell, the type of shit that only people in David Lynch movies think of.
Bear with me, cuz this is one of my weird ideas. You see, last night instead of turning Inland Empire off and going to sleep, I let the film play and fell asleep on it. Now, I don’t know about you, but it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to have something playing in the same room without me paying some sort of subconscious attention to it. That’s why I can never sleep with a radio or a TV playing. Halfway through the night and I’m having dreams about the Burger King jingle. BUT! What better film to watch in my dreams than Inland Empire??? So I let it play and dammit if I didn’t dream about the freakin’ thing. Can’t remember a single thing, but I dreamed about the film. That much I know.
So here’s what I’ll do:
I won’t watch it. Not awake at least. I’ve seen about 20-30 minutes, but that’s it. The furthest I’ve gone is Laura Dern’s weird script reading.
Instead, I’ll start it up, fall asleep and let my subconscious watch it. I’ll do this every day for a month. Then at the end of the month I’ll watch the film properly and do a review of it and of my thoughts and ideas. Did I actually dream some scenes? Where the dreams better than Lynch’s film? Did I dream scenes that weren’t in the film. Did I understand the story better because of my dreams. Stuff like that.
What do you think? I already ordered it on Amazon. If it turns out to be nothing and I don’t think or dream anything of interest, I’ll just do a short recap on my blog, but if does bear fruit I might be writing one of the best reviews I’ve ever done. I’m kinda excited to see what’s gonna happen.
EDIT: I have to give credit to Graham Rae for getting me to write about this. I was gonna try it on my own, as a weird experiment for my own sense of self-satisfaction, but he suggested that this would make a kickass article. So… here it is. I gotta say, I dig that crazy Scotsman. He’s a good bloke. - J.K.
My name is Michael Ferraro and I am the author of the story entitled “I know who killed Chris Farley.” I was just doing my daily internet surfing routine when I came across your comment. Needless to say, I felt the urge to respond to you, because clearly your internet surfing routine didn’t allow you to see the whole story. But let me first post the comment you wrote that I am referring to. You wrote:
“This Ferraro guy is the saddest excuse ive heard of for a person in a long time! I myself am a huge fan of comedy and one of the best of all time CHRIS FARLEY. Chris was great i never got to meet him in person but the thing about him was that no matter how bad your day was or what situation you were OR STILL ARE TODAY all you have to do is watch one of his skits or films and you immediatly feel better! Chris used humor to do GOOD in this world! Something most people like the HATEFUL IDIOT Ferraro cannot begin to understand! So in a world that needs comedy and laughs to make people better as a whole we have been fortunate enough to have people like Chris Farley! You FERRARO ARE HATEFUL AND FULL OF ANGER AND IF YOU WOULD BEGIN TO TAKE A LESSON OUT OF CHRIS’S BOOK AND DO GOOD IN THIS WORLD INSTEAD OF SPREAD HATE YOU WOULD BE A BETTER PERSON TOO! AND I NEVER MET CHRIS BUT I KNOW FOR A FACT IF HE WERE HERE TODAY HE COULD MAKE EVEN A HATEFUL ANGRY PERSON LIKE FERRARO SMILE! Rest in Peace Chirs Farley and God Bless your Family.”
I went ahead and fixed all your spelling mistakes too, because that’s the kind of guy I am. Now, so you read my original story about how unfunny I thought Chris Farley was on screen. What you obviously didn’t find was a follow-up piece to that story about how I may have been wrong about Farley. A friend of mine, who thought my story was also harsh, showed me a skit from SNL called “The Chris Farley Show” where Chris didn’t rely on his weight to earn laughter. I was seriously impressed by this. Clearly you didn’t read this story. You can read it here by clicking these blue words.
You may also not be aware that Chris Farley’s brother, Tom Farley, got in touch with me as well. You can read all about that here and the conclusion right here. I hope after you read these pieces, you no longer think of me as the “hateful idiot” of Film Threat. Truth is, we have a lot of those here. That’s what makes us special.
Since we spent our summer shooting our new movie, we haven’t had much of an opportunity to actually watch many movies, much to the chagrin of my Netflix list. The only thing that keeps depression at bay is that this summer has, for the most part, sucked for movies. I say that like it’s some sort of revelation, but haven’t most of the last few summer movie seasons both sucked and blown at the same time (sorry… one of the last things I saw on the big screen was The Simpsons Movie). We saw a total of two blockbusters this sweltering season: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I enjoyed them both (particularly Harry, as it adapted the only book from the series that I actively despised…though the final installment came in a close second in sheer “blah”-itude… but I digress).
I missed The Transformers. My life went on with nary a blip.
I missed Live Free or Die Hard. Rush Hour 3. The Bourne Ultimatum and all the other sequels that came out around the aforementioned sequels we did see.
The last thing we made the time to see in a theater, and a sadly crappy theater at that, was Stardust. A huge fan of the book and an enormous Gaiman fan in general, I was very pleased with the adaptation, even though I barely recognized the story amidst Matthew Vaughn’s retooling. Still, as Gaiman himself pointed out, they were making a movie, and movies are very different from books. And I’m thankful that he pointed that out to me. So, since Mr. G. was happy with the movie, I don’t have much right to grouse, do I? That being said, I endorse this. Go and see it before Balls of Fury blows it out of the theaters entirely.
And speaking of Balls of Fury, should I really be giggling this much at the omnipresent trailers for what is sure to be an abjectly stupid movie? I can’t help it. It just looks funny. I’m ashamed of myself.
With this coming Labor Day weekend, we find ourselves facing an oddly-open weekend. And I want to see something. The temperature is going to hit the 90s again and I’ll be damned if I don’t wind up somewhere air conditioned. And as long as I’m in air conditioning, I might as well be watching something large and flashy and entertaining. And since my definition of “entertaining” is so damned broad, I’ll be hard-pressed to be disappointed no matter what I see, right?
So long as it isn’t Rush Hour 3, of course.
Anyway… the prime contenders are Ratattouie and Superbad. As much as The Nanny Diaries is trying to entice me with shots of Scarlett Johansen’s ass, I saw enough of it in Lost in Translation, so they’ll just have to do better than that. Halloween might be better seen at a drive-in, and, as I mentioned: hot this weekend. So that’s out. Balls of Fury will be offered through Netflix likely by the end of September, the way things are going with the DVD market, so no rush there. It doesn’t exactly scream “big screen!” either. I can’t tell the difference between Death Sentence and The Brave One—one has Jodie Foster and I’m not willing to take the chance that I’ll get the wrong one.
The biggest problem I’m facing is that Shoot ‘em Up doesn’t come out until next weekend. I’ve wanted to see this since the animatics showed up online last year. Hell, if they’d only filmed the animatics, it’d still be high on my list. Having just watched the original 3:10 to Yuma, I’m interested in seeing how Hollywood bollocks-up the remake. Even if it bears no resemblance, it still looks interesting and I’m a sucker for westerns anyway.
And after that, I don’t know what’s even coming out. You’d think I would, but my workload and the heat have got my eyes spinning in opposite directions and I just can’t seem to stay on top of release dates. I’m getting older, too, and they say knowing about release dates is the first thing to go. Someone says that, I’m sure of it.
To be perfectly honest, after having professionally reviewed and written about movies great and small for almost ten years now, I’m just happy that I still enjoy watching movies in the first place.
I have in my hands, the DVD for the absolute GREATEST cinematic disaster of all time. “Exorcist II: The Heretic”. A movie that isn’t just bad, or badly made, but laughable and completely incomprehensible to an extent that has to be seen to be believed. I saw it as a wee lad when it played as a CFCF-12 Late Night Movie and even back then I thought this was legendary in it’s awfulness.
As I finally get a chance to watch it again as I write (This is the type of movie that’s enjoyed most if you don’t pay too close attention to it.) I can see that I was wayyyyyy off base. This is fucking BRILLIANT!
Don’t get me wrong. It’s shit, total complete and utter shit of extraordinary proportions. But you can’t make a movie like this on purpose. It’s lightning in a bottle.
Think of all the circumstances that HAVE to occur in order for a cinematic turd that’s this entertaining to be made. 1) It has to be a sequel to an immensely popular, profitable and critically well received film because otherwise it wouldn’t be so shocking and dissapointing to people that it sucks. 2) It has to be made by someone who’s not just completely blind to the shortcomings of his film, but it has to be told in such an inept, illogical fashion that it completely baffles and alienates anyone that goes to see the damn thing. 3) It has to look great on paper. Directed by John Boorman (Deliverance), starring Richard Burton (Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?) and Louise Fletcher (One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest) and it was scored by Ennio Morricone who needs no introduction. Not to mention a returning Max Von Sydow and an early role for James Earl Jones. Finally and most importantly, 4) The film also has to escape the attention of the producers and studio heads who have the power to pull the plug on the thing, order major reshoots and replace key creative people until it’s too late.
The odds of all of the above occuring is like a planetary alignment. It’s one in a million.
Beyond all of that though, lies more essential problem in my opinion. It’s that the film hits you with a deadly double whammy of being both inpenetrable and goofy. Movies should always take themselves seriously, even a comedy like “The Naked Gun” believes in it’s own essential reality. If Leslie Nielsen had always been snickering and rolling his eyes when he played Frank Drebin, because of how silly he thought this whole Police Squad bullshit was, he wouldn’t have been funny at all. Exorcist 2 is a bit like that. Nobody really buys that anything happening around them this is anything more than movie sets or special effects and it shows. The acting is just acting. The writing is just “stuff” that happens. It never jumps out or has the feel of reality. Then, to cap it off, Exorcist 2 doesn’t try very hard to offer you clues as to what the bloody fuck is going on. None of the science is explained (or makes any sense) and the film often contradicts the original exorcist. So you’re always at a loss and never quite “get” what you’re supposed to be seeing. Not to mention that all the spooky medieval Catholicism from the first film is gone, replaced by some hippy trippy new agey bullshit mystical religious nonsense that probably dissapeared when the next new agey fad came along.
There is also another, simpler and more obvious problem. Exorcist 2 isn’t the slightest bit scary. For a follow up to the “scariest film ever made” you would have thought that Boorman would have included something, ANYTHING to make your skin crawl. James Earl Jones dressed as a giant bee doesn’t count.
But everything I’ve said makes this film seem dull and dreary, and it’s really not. Goddamn this is good fun to watch. Get a couple of buddies and few six packs and this would make one hell of a movie night. What makes this movie especially funny is the pleasure that you get just out of simple scenes like Dana Plato appearing as an autistic girl. There’s no reason for it to be funny, but a movie as godawful as this can turn anyone into the guys from Mystery Science Theatre 3000; and you find yourself making wiseass remarks throughout the whole thing. It’s a participatory experience and that makes it extra neat.
Director/writer Ruggero Deodato (who also had a great cameo in “Hostel 2”) may have said he made a simple movie about people eating other people, but the end result was something far beyond that. “Cannibal Holocaust” is not just a film about people eating people, it’s actually a very pointed and angry rant against a voyeuristic culture and the media. People can debate about whether that message was intentional or not (I don’t see how it can be anything other than intentional), but the movie makes a point … and its audience is part of it.
The film came out in 1980, well before the Internet and reality TV were household words. It focuses on a professor who ventures into the jungle to find a lost documentary film crew. Instead of finding them, however, he stumbles across their film and brings it back to “civilization,” where studio executives want to run it on television. The footage is horrific, to say the least. The documentary film crew filmed animals being killed for food and pleasure, women being raped, and other atrocities. The kicker, however, is that the men and women film crew were actually responsible for or instigated much of the carnage that was captured on film. They rounded women and children into a hut and burned them alive, they raped, they killed animals out of spite, and staged fake reaction shots to the entire thing. In the end, their demise was captured on film as the cannibal tribe they encountered finally devoured them. It’s obvious who the real monsters are in this film.
Often cited as the impetus behind “The Blair Witch Project,” “Cannibal Holocaust” caused plenty of outrage in its time. The animal killing scenes are real, and the violence is pretty graphic and, some would say, believable. (Ironically enough there is a section of the film that features real human deaths. It’s in a film shown within the film, and while it has been debated, general consensus is that “The Last Road to Hell” is actual death footage. This is rarely comes up in casual critiques or discussions of the film. People tend to be more upset over the fake rapes and violence and real animal slaughter than they do about the humans who are actually killed.) The director was arrested upon the release of the film, and he also had to prove the actors were still alive. The fact that the film is actually very well done and effective only added leverage to the controversy.
“Cannibal Holocaust” is a film that challenges viewers on many levels. It’s a film that constantly goes one step beyond what viewers are expecting, too. And, more importantly, it’s a film that gets more relevant with age. It is almost uncanny how close to reality it has gotten, as people will do almost anything, like the documentary film crew, to get “famous.” (I recall an NBC hidden camera show called “Spy TV” that aired during the summer months a few years ago. One of the pranks pulled on people involved an audition for a reality television show. Contestants were put through a series of interviews and tests, and it came down to two of them left fighting for the one open position. Their final test? Eating human flesh [really just pork]. Whoever ate it would get on the show and have a chance to be famous. One of them did it. I can only imagine what that person thought after he learned he was exposed as a would-be cannibal on television. What did his friends and family think?)
The years haven’t diluted “Cannibal Holocaust” as they have done with some films. In fact, like wine, the film gets better with age. When I first saw it, in a very cut form, I was not a fan. When I purchased the Grindhouse Releasing edition, my appreciation of the movie was taken to a whole new level. Very few people can sit through it, and it seems that even fewer still can understand the movie for what it is. It may not have inspired filmmakers the way other films on this list have, but it has made a place for itself in horror film history, and it is one movie where the rumors of the film aren’t nearly as captivating as the film, itself. It succeeds on all levels, and pushes all the boundaries, and it does it a damn good job of it, too.
If you think “Saw” and its sequels are the be-all end-all of horror films, you need to muster up the courage to see “Cannibal Holocaust” and then think about what it says about you and your surrounding culture. Consider yourself warned, though. This is one movie that won’t leave your thoughts for many days/weeks/months/years later … if at all.
Posted by Felix Vasquez Jr. in Writer's Corner at 12:50 PM
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I have this feeling that Matt Groening wasn’t far off with his joke. In “Futurama” frye is having a wet dream, which then turns into an advertisement for briefs. He’s told later on that companies can input ads for their products into their dreams, and it’s considered the norm. I have a feeling someday I’ll be having a dream about zombies, and at the end it will say “Rage of the Dead: Coming Soon.” What with viral marketing all the craze, it’s not a far off concept, you have to admit.
I personally enjoy it (ex: Subliminal Viral Marketing Now?). Viral Marketing gives me some sense that studios don’t always view us as consumers. It’s attempting to appeal to us in some form, and I’m enjoying the new shit that comes out to advertise a possibly shitty movie, because it’s just a lot of fun.
Here’s a few of my favorites. Or what I could remember.
Godsend institute website
Yet another great idea for a really bad movie, “Godsend” involved a couple who lose their son in an accident and genetically create a new copy of him, to which we learn that he’s all sorts of evil and psychotic, because carbon copies are always faulty. Damn Robert DeNiro. Either way, the Lions Gate launched a shockingly sleek website advertising their service all over the internet for bringing back the dead called “The Godsend Institute.” Inevitably, the masses revealed how a sucker is born every second, as Lions Gate almost immediately had to shut the site down due to the rapid number of actual requests they received to revive their loved ones, which ended up clogging their systems. Much to the disappointment of thousands, they revealed it was just a ploy to advertise their movie. Humanity scares me. The site has since been taken down.
The Harvey Dent Campaign page
This is one of my recent favorites. What looks like a simple campaign page for the one and only Harvey Dent, eventually dissolves into a dark image into the background. The page then prompts you for your name and code number, and once inserted, the picture of Dent is altered to look like a clown, and it’s disintegrated to reveal the Joker. One of the first peeks at the new Joker design, fans of the franchise were ecstatic for this glimpse, as was I, and it set the bar for even more viral websites. The site is still up.
Robert Kelly campaign page
Striving for a Mutant free tomorrow, “X-Men” saw the website for Robert Kelly come to the net as a propaganda page for folks who wanted a mutant free future. Through this website we had a very gorgeous information page, videos of Kelly with his family, a quiz on suspected mutants, information on the X-Men, and even surveillance photos taken of the X-Men individuals. We also had a television special which was a short film and glimpse at the making of the movie all in one. The site has long been taken down.
ATHF Terrorism fiasco
In possibly one of the funniest incidents since… ever, the folks behind “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” attempted to implement LED’s of the Mooninites as a form of Guerilla marketing to plant and hype the “ATHF” movie, and raised a terrorism alert in the process. Taking entirely new heights of hysteria, Boston authorities closed down the bridges in which the LED’s were installed, and began a citywide search for what was merely LED’s with batteries meant to advertise a fairly abysmal series. Bomb squads were called in, Turner broadcasting and Adult Swim went through a great deal of lawsuits, and the incident revealed that many times extreme advertisements can lead to rather surprising consequences. The upcoming viral ploy for Bomber man has since been halted.
Cloverfield
I really don’t think I have to inform you what this is all about. Currently, we’re investigating Cloverfield up until it’s release, and you can view our article of the Cloverfield hysteria here. As foywonder from Dread Central stated, if this turns out to be a sub-par film, it will have been a wonderful sociological experiment.
Rage of the Gods
I don’t know what the fuck this site is about, but it’s goddamn spooky. Many have suspected that it has SOMETHING to do with Cloverfield, while others think it may be connected to another movie entirely. Others think it’s a game. Regardless, this site is altogether confusing. While it may sport a few code numbers it’s featured the picture of what looks like a black rat drawn on a cave, which has then blurred gradually, and swirled, and now it looks like an Eye looking back at you with a nose. Suffice it to say, it’s pretty fucking spooky. I’m still confused what it’s leaning toward, but I’d gather it’s a viral website.
Buy N Large
To prepare for the upcoming Pixar movie “Wall-E,” fans discovered a mock shopping website called “Buy N Large” which is a fully realized online store made to resemble “Wal-Mart,” and even offers you a chance to buy your own Wall-E, which is guaranteed to clean up all your messes, as is the plot of the upcoming film. This is yet another fantastic ploy from studios, but by all means, decide for yourself.
With all the shit out there today, there’s always a good chance I’m missing one viral website in particular, so don’t stay shut. Have any favorites?
Posted by Felix Vasquez Jr. in Writer's Corner at 3:16 AM
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Alright, so Alien vs. Predator sucked. A lot, actually. It was bland, cheesy, made zero sense, and the plot holes were numerous. Not to mention it made Sanaa Lathan look the fool, and wasted Lance Henriksen, okay, it’s true.
But when all is said and done, I loved the trailer to:
Sure, I’m cautious, I mean Anderson is still connected and I’m not sure what the “Requiem” is supposed to symbolize in regards to the movie, but the trailer screamed “We fucked you over, now here’s some compensation.”
The R rating, the non-stop action, the sleeker look to the Predators, the Aliens that look like aliens, and of course the numerous shots of blood present. Head shots, ripped limps, acid blood burning skin, I giggled like a typical fan boy.
Project Cloverfield broke out with this news first, but further developments to “The Cloverfield Investigation” continue coming.
And we have actual evidence this time! Not theories.
Yesterday 1-18-08.com had officially been brought down, and clicking on 1-18-08.com brought you to Paramount’s official site.
1-18-08.com was officially back up the next day.
But with a new addition.
Apparently, if you turn your volume up, and linger at 1-18-08.com for six minutes, you’ll hear the roar of the monster.
And not just a mild roar, this thing, whatever it is, just bellows out like it’s in pain or proclaiming its true presence, and it sounds like a mighty big beast that’s capable of some amazing damage to New York.
Now, I was sure this was just rumors, and lingering there, nothing happened.
I turned up my speaker very loudly, and waited there restless. But once that monstrous roar jumped out of my speaker, I hit the roof sending my heart beating faster than Michael Moore doing a triathlon and then I could barely contain myself.
This thing bursts with a roar, and it’s another big cock tease from Abrams who continues to make 1-18-08 one of the few movie promotional sites I’ve ever been interested in. Cryptic pictures, a black background with no information, and now a humongous roar.
Posted by Felix Vasquez Jr. in Writer's Corner at 11:07 AM
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I thought I’d read it all during Excess Hollywood when Doug often talked of folks who complained that their movies were faulty because it came in widescreen and they couldn’t see the whole picture.
But a few days ago, I learned that not only the DVD sellers have it bad, but the DVD bootleggers, too.
I would personally never promote, or influence into you buying a bootleg, or downloading a movie you didn’t pay for, but often times when the bootleggers approach me on the street, they’re swarmed with folks looking for a deal.
They’re willing to pay five bucks for a DVD-R in a white envelope with a movie slip, just to watch a bootleg that 60 percent likely, will look terrible. I know, because my friends and family buys them often.
Again, I would never promote or influence this behavior, but I can’t stop people from buying bootlegs off the street.
But I digress.
A few days ago, while sitting in a hospital waiting room for my nephew, a woman comes in to sell bootlegs.
This older woman who looked to be a little in her forties, bought a bootleg days before, it seems, and approached this woman bearing DVD bootlegs about “The Simpsons.”
It seems her bootleg featured Bart Simpson running in the nude, and exposing a good portion of his lower torso, including his penis, and this annoyed her. It’s not enough the movie is rated PG-13, or that it has course language, but the woman was especially annoyed at this nude scene.
It seems, she says, she was watching it with her kids, and this nude scene appeared. Angered, the customer asked the bootlegger if it was possible if she could cut the scene from the bootleg itself for her children.
This request brought on a rush of thoughts and annoyances that I really couldn’t muster up at the time, and still can’t.
The fact this woman was demanding specialties from a bootlegger, demanded a scene cut from an illegal copy of a theatrical release, and the fact that PG-13 didn’t strike a chord that perhaps there’d be something not suitable for kids was shocking.
But even more shocking was that this is a woman who was basically stealing, and wanted to be given an exception from a lady who was really just selling them and had no desire in actual production.
Alas, the woman did nothing but shrug confused and didn’t bother to tell her that she was just selling the goddamn discs, but this customer was idiotic enough to pay another five bucks for the Simpsons movie bootleg, hoping that the scene of Bart wouldn’t be featured.
Because lord knows this isn’t a parent who does her research. She’s buying a PG-13 film, and she’ll never understand that, because it’s animated. When you’re demanding specialties from a bootlegger, you can’t be a very good parent to begin with.
Nice to see some credence given to me about the constant “dumb consumer” stories from Excess Hollywood… I don’t know if I should be pleased or frightened.
