I discovered this here, as they’ve now discovered a large corporation website called Tagruato which drills in the deep sea:

“We regard ourselves as explorers, and believe there is much more our planet has to offer than has already been discovered. We view every challenge as an opportunity for innovation. With our groundbreaking deep-sea drilling technology, Tagruato has positioned itself to become a world leader in energy resources, medical research, advanced technology production, and consumable product.”

And further proof to the suspicion that this is a website amidst the ring of sites that JJ Abrams hinted to out there right now:

I’ve yet to properly examine these websites except Slusho.jp, but Abrams and co. continue heavily allude that this monster or monsters, will be from the deep sea, and not just some sea animal like a whale or a fish, but something truly more heinous and unusual.

YMR is a genetic research firm specializing in deep sea bioprospecting.

YMR is a genetic research firm specializing in deep sea bioprospecting. YMR implements Tagruato’s advanced exploration technology to study extremophiles found only in the deepest parts of our oceans. The understanding of such organisms that thrive in conditions of extreme pressure, temperature, and toxicity has boundless pharmaceutical and industrial promise.

We explore cold seeps and seamounts, where species diversity is known to be as high a 1,000 per square meter. Hidden among these deep sea ecosystems is the potential for medical advancements that will contribute to the future well-being of mankind. YMR doctors are currently developing marine biotechnology drugs that may one day be used as anti-cancer, antioxidant, antibiotic, and anti-malaria.

Treatment applications for Alzheimer’s disease, cystic fibrosis, and herpes are also under consideration. Our hope and our belief is that the work being done at YMR will prove to be the key to a cure for the diseases that have plagued mankind for centuries.

Subsidiaries:

SLUSHO!

Created by Tagruato C.E.O. Ganu Yoshida, Slusho! brand happy drink is a icy cool beverage that is rapidly becoming one of the company’s most profitable expenditures. Slusho! contains a “special ingredient” that customers can’t get enough of. Bearing the slogan, “You can’t drink just six!”, Slusho! has grown to the second most popular frozen drink in all Asian markets.

Hip adult drinkers have begun concocting deliciously intoxicating alcoholic mix drinks starring Slusho! The beverage’s popularity has spawned overwhelming sales of brand apparel, a hit theme song, and coming soon: an animated television show starring the Slusho! Flavor Droids! The next step is to introduce Slusho! to the rest of the world.

A search is on for top marketing professionals who will be tasked with duplicating the drink’s Asian popularity in the Western market. Our aspiration is to one day place Slusho! dispensers in every convenience store and mini mart. Slusho zoom!

BOLD FUTURA

Bold Futura is the contractor sector of our company principally engaged in the conception, design, manufacture and integration of advanced technology products. Our engineering technology is the most superior of its kind. A machine made with Bold Futura parts works where others fall to pieces. A vehicle made with Bold Futura equipment will travel where others cannot reach.

Our unique ability to function in areas of severe temperature or pressure can have desirable implications for our clients. In the past, Bold Futura has partnered with military organizations, space exploration institutions, and arms manufacturers. Confidentiality is the first pillar of Bold Futura.

We keep the identities, orders, and intentions of our patrons strictly to ourselves. If you are interested in partnering with us, email us at the address below. Let’s build a bold future — together!

ParafFUN! WAX DISTRIBUTORS

One of the many byproducts of our Petroleum reservoir is paraffin wax, an alkane with dozens of handy uses in your day to day life! Edible, malleable, colorable, and a fine electrical insulator. ParafFun! Wax Distributors meets all your wax needs.

Making shiny candles? ParafFun!

Sealing a jar? ParafFun!
Coating your hard cheeses? ParafFun!
Gripping your surfboard? ParafFun!
Creating paintballs? ParafFun!
Preparing specimens for histology? ParafFun!
Coating your waxed paper? ParafFun!
Propelling your hybrid rocket motors? ParafFun!
Improved bowel movement? ParafFun!
Lighting your camping lantern? ParafFun!
Testing samples in infrared spectroscopy? ParafFun!
Moderating neutrons? ParafFun!
Making a box of crayons? ParafFun!

ParafFun! Rewax, it’s ParafFun!
=======================

Abrams has constantly hinted it’s a monster we’ve never seen before, and these constant peaks into deep sea drilling, Slusho coming from deep in the water, sea animals appearing on Slusho.jp, and the latest picture on 1-18-08 explaining a recipe for a cold dish that also includes sea bottom crabs, it’s quite an interesting development. If Abrams is intending this beast/s to be a deep sea monstrosity, it’s hopefully something that we’ve never seen in a film before.

The continued allusion is that this monster will have been something small that grew from these experiments as a man made beast that was once dormant:

A Day in the Life of a YMR Doctor:

“At work, samples excavated from the ocean floor are brought back to the lab and spread out on a Petri dish containing some ‘media’: Nutrients for growth that are combined with agar to form a solid surface! Bacteria that were present in the samples will then grow on the dish, forming a ‘colony’: Generally a small circle of billions of cells that all started from a single cell/spore in the sample!”

The developments continue on “The Cloverfield Investigation,” as anticipation continues to build for what will hopefully be a fantastic monster film.

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After months of boo hooing from folks anxious for any sort of update, we’re finally given one.

1-18-08 has finally been updated with yet another picture.

Once again it’s about as cryptic as everything so far, as it features a Japanese Chef holding up a platter of what looks like squid.

If you flip the picture there is a large message written on it in Japanese.

If there are any Japanese speaking readers who know what the message says, don’t hesitate to let us know what it means.

Thankfully at these Unfiction forums, they’ve been hard at work at translating it.
Check it out Now.

Let us know about upcoming developments… or… go to this entry on our blogs which just keeps growing, and growing… and growing.

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A few months ago Eli Roth’s latest gag fest “Hostel 2” was release to piss poor reviews and even pissier, poorer box office returns. David Poland, who runs Movie City News, (a site I’m quite fond of) became entangled in a discussion of how much effect pirating of films has on box office gross. He managed to put himself squarely in the middle of the discussion by buying a pirated copy of “Hostel 2,” watching it, (well, half or a quarter of it before becoming grossed out) and subsequently thrashing the film before alerting Lions Gate that he had easily acquired a pirated copy of their yet-to-be-released film.

Poland’s revelation split people squarely down the middle. There were those who wanted him driven out of town for supporting pirated films while others thought it was a keen move to point out how easily new releases can be acquired and that it was clearly Lions Gate (or “The Studios”) not doing their jobs in terms of keeping their product in the proper hands. When the film came out and bombed, Roth went on record as saying people like David Poland were responsible for the film’s demise because he not only watched the film illegally, but he also bagged on it before it was even out.

Without getting into issues of how lame Roth’s claims are (make a good movie, people will pay to see it dude) one can hardly call “Hostel 2” a bomb. I don’t have the time or the inclination to look up specific numbers, but I’m fairly certain it broke even theatrically and will rake in the cash when it hits DVD in a few days. Sure, it wasn’t a monster money maker but Boo-freeking-Hoo…you didn’t make millions. Which brings me to my point.

It seems like the war against film piracy is being waged only when a film that everyone has heard about and is excited about gets pirated. I thought of this last night and immediately logged into some Bit Torrent sites to see what was being downloaded. As one might expect, big ole summer blockbusters were easily there for the pickings; movies that have grosses that can be spoke of in fractions of billions. But then I looked for some smaller fare such as “Darjeeling Limited,” “Once” and “In the Valley of Elah.” There they were, little indie films that truly need your money, being pilfered for free. Granted, Poland’s “Hostel 2 experiment” was a DVD copy, bought on the streets and I have no idea of the availability of small films from street merchants. But it’s even worse to see 295 some odd “leechers” sucking the teet of “Darjeeling Limited” from 98 seeders. How did that film even get pirated? Where and when did this happen?

Now, I have grown tired of the piracy discussion and don’t want to rehash it here. I will say I think movies need to be seen in theaters to be truly appreciated…or loathed. But the thing with illegal downloading is, I simply cannot believe the box office grosses for “Transformers” or “Ratatouille” would have increased substantially had piracy not been an issue. But when the cry of injustice goes out on pirated films, these are exactly the types of films leading the charge. Meanwhile tiny films who do really well on a smaller, per screen average never get to go wider because they aren’t phenomenally successful. They quietly die nationally before winding up on your DVD stores shelf.

I’d like to bounce my ideas for a remedy inside my head more before presenting them here, but I wanted to start by saying if studios and filmmakers are serious about stopping piracy, the little people are the ones who suffer most from this issue. I don’t feel the least bit sorry for Eli Roth but if a big stink was made by the filmmakers behind “Once” or even a bigger wig like Paul Haggis in regards to “In the Valley of Elah,” I think people might take notice. As it is, I liken the complaints stemming from movies who make triple digit millions similar to oil companies coming to us and saying they can’t afford to pay their C.E.O.’s what they were making before.

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I reread my last blog, especially the part about my dream, and umm…

I don’t like it. I editorialized the shit out of my dream. Tried to find context and plot and all of that bad stuff. I didn’t change anything, but I turned it into a “story” and a story isn’t a dream. They’re totally different. To be honest, it’s the wannabe writer inside me. That’s what I do, try to makes sense out of random ideas floating in my head. Still though, it’s a bum way to describe a dream because it takes away everything that gives it power and leaves it as just a bunch of moribund words. Just dry description. It’s like talking about having the greatest sex of your life by saying: “We made love under the moonlight. I touched her chest and she stroked my genitals…”

See what I mean? Blah…

The genius of David Lynch, is that he doesn’t have that stubborn desire to organize things in his head and make them easier to express. He’s not trying to find sense in his ideas, but instead puts them on the screen as is, no matter how completely off the wall they are. He has total and complete trust in the purity of his subconscious. This is why his films appeal to us so completely, because we recognize the seed of our own thoughts in what he does. We recognize the unpolished dream or nightmare that haunts our minds.

Which brings us all to my little Inland Empire experiment and the fucked up dreams I had last night.

Now, I’m not gonna try and make sense of anything. I made that mistake last time and that’s no good. So here’s my attempt to explain it with the purity of Lynch:

The first thing I remember was seeing a man with insanely long legs playing the drums with his feet in an echo chamber kind of room. In the background were playing two identical 50’s records, not quite in sync. They were maybe half a second off and it gave everything an weird warbly feeling. The records were the old seven inch vinyl kind, I could tell because of that scratching/skipping antique jukebox quality. The guy was wearing all white and he kept repeating “I’m the real deal daddy long legs baby.” only he didn’t say it in words, but I knew what he meant. (People rarely speak with their mouths in my dreams)

Then that all dissapeared and things shifted…

Now, before I continue, I have to tell you that I woke up after this next dream and wrote it down on the computer, before laying back on the bed and falling asleep again. So the words in bold are my unexpurgated impressions of what I saw:

Its Emerald city, built in cubist white cardboard. Black windows and red highlights. A movie set miniature hundreds of feet tall and a mile wide with a path running between it. I’m only imagining it at first because it’s in the past. A particularly vivid picture in a magazine, and then I’m there and it’s real. I have my camera. I want to take a picture of this place. It’s beautiful. Jimmy Stewart is in black and white screaming something at me but I can’t hear. I know Naomi Watts is out there, but she’s in a coma hooked up to a dream machine. There are rabbits eating the cardboard of the emerald city. That’s why they’re here. There’s something more, I can’t quite remember. Two detectives are explaining to me why her EEG couldn’t tell that the readings were wrong. She rigged them to seem normal. The sun goes out and it’s night. And in front of me is a giant fucking bunny rabbit. I know its Naomi Watts and if I could only take a picture of her in this form with my camera she’d go back to being an actress and not this rabid thing. Taking a picture would make her unreal and cinematic again, just an actress. Only my camera ran out of batteries and I can’t find any spares.

Jimmy Stewart was one of the cops.

Needless to say, I did not editorialize the above, because that is some freaky crap. I remember it very fucking well too. Naomi Watts turning into a rabbit only sounds cute, it wasn’t. She also didn’t turn into those Rabbits from the Lynch shorts (or the little bit at the beginning of INLAND EMPIRE that I did see). It was darker, more… evil. And it wasn’t Naomi Watts per say, not the lady that’s married to Liev Shrieber and had a baby. It was the celluloid wraith of herself that’s on the screen. As if the act of acting leaves something of you behind, something not quite…

…well there I am editorializing and trying to find sense again. No good. Let’s just leave it as it is. I think the images carry plenty enough weigh all by themselves without me having to explain them.

After I fell back asleep I dreamed a little bit more. There was a homeless lady carrying a video camera stalking the streets of Los Angeles. A dirty old hag. A witch maybe. The camera had a huge light attached to the side and she would shine it in people’s face and they’d recoil. She was looking for someone in particular.

Then… nothing. Woke up refreshed and rested. The INLAND EMPIRE DVD had gone back to the title menu. I turned it off and came here to write down what I saw.

You know, I can’t wait to actually see this freaking movie. Might not live up to the dreams, but it’s gonna be something.

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Over and over and over again, I have to defend myself over my love of Michael Bay’s masterpiece, “Armageddon.” At first I felt like maybe I was just defending the film due to the fact that there’s such a visceral hatred of it from my peers and fellow movie geeks. Nothing like a good ole argument over a fairly arbitrary movie, right? Then I realized, after repeatedly watching the film whenever it came on WTBS, HBO or any other channel (and for some reason, it’s on TV a lot), that I really think you will be hard pressed to find a movie that so successfully combines so many different genres, characters, actors and styles into one awesome gut-busting package.

I need to take a second to say I could care less either way about Michael Bay. I know that next to Uwe Boll there’s hardly a better way to raise the ire of the modern day film enthusiast than to invoke the duo of Bruckheimer and Bay. But for me, I look at their films separately and judge them according to the self contained unit on the screen. I can’t do that with Boll and am starting to get that way with Eli Roth, but time will tell on the latter. I will say that if you’re a film nut and you hate “Armageddon,” five bucks says you hate Michael Bay. That’s no reason to negatively judge the ultimate in popcorn films and it’s rather ticky-tacky if you still judge it based solely on “The Bay Factor.”

My first argument is that “Armageddon” is a classic tale of unlikely heroes forced to do a task they don’t want to do but agree due to honor and a sense of morality. And, money. Films like “The Dirty Dozen,” “Seven Samurai,” “The Wild Bunch,” “Saving Private Ryan” and to some extent, “Star Wars” are about the same thing. Ne’er do wells forced into action who become heroes. Scoff all you want but the plot of all the films I mentioned are similar to, if not the same as, “Armageddon.” No, Bay is not Kurosawa, Peckinpah, Spielberg or Lucas in many ways. But like those directors, Bay is the master at what he does: Big, balls to the wall popcorn movies. Furthermore, he’s the best, most consistent director of big budget films working today.

Also like some of those aforementioned classic films, Bay (and screenwriters J.J. Abrams and Jonathan Hensleigh) isn’t afraid to kill off some of the more beloved characters. The script is tight and never misses a beat as we meet each of the oil rig workers hired by NASA. Each and every one of them has a solid backstory and, if you can grow up long enough to let it happen, you get to know them and relate to them. When some of these characters bite the big one, they don’t come back. Again, if you can step outside your armchair criticisms of “but it’s Michael Baaaaay” long enough and let yourself enjoy it, “Armageddon” is an excellent example of simple character development that happens visually and not through chit-chat. We meet them first as blue collar workers and soon know them as human beings. Then we get on board with them and launch into space after a hilarious training montage followed by one last night on the town. All great and funny scenes.

The stars of “Armageddon” are an incredible assembly of actors and characters from across the cinematic map. Pairing up Johnny-come-lately action star Ben Affleck with classic action star on the decline Bruce Willis is near genius. While the torch never fully passed (either Willis won’t let it go or Affleck effectively blew out the flame with “Pearl Harbor” and “Daredevil”), nowhere else will you find two huge, modern day action stars equally sharing the spotlight in a movie. Furthermore, the rest of the cast is one of the best ensembles ever onscreen. Steve Buscemi, Billy Bob Thornton, Peter Stormare, Owen Wilson, Michael Clarke Duncan, William Fichtner, Udo Kier, Matt Malloy and frigging Charlton Heston as the narrator! Plus, no chicks allowed except Liv Tyler and she’s great in the film as the little girl torn between daddy Willis and loverboy Affleck.

In closing, and again. I feel like “Armageddon” is unfairly judged due to a general mob mentality against Michael Bay and his brand of balls-out action films. Had this film been made in the late sixties/early seventies, I guarantee it would hold up alongside the more rebellious ensemble classics of that time. What hurts “Armageddon” (aside from that stupid “Aerosmith” song) is the fact that film geeks often try to behave snobbishly and act is if they’re above the thrill ride and simple cinematic manipulation of the film. While they fall all over themselves feeling “arty” for loving “Oldboy” (that has a blatantly recycled plot twist from “Chinatown”) and other standardized “safe cine-nerd” bets, disavowing “Armageddon” and giving a thumbs-up to older films of this genre is a contradiction of asteroid sized proportions. Furthermore, if you want to see a director at the peek of his game and if you want to see a big ole fun movie, you can do no better than strapping in with Bay starting in 1995 with “Bad Boys” followed by 1996’s “The Rock” and capped by the best of the bunch, 1998’s “Armageddon.”

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We have a brand new site to add to the investigation.

Jamie and Teddy

It’s a new site discovered a few days ago, that’s once again told us nothing in regards to 1-18-08.

As has been suspected for months, this page seems to be intent on providing characterization as the MySpace pages have, since the movie will indeed be seen through the lens of a hand held camcorder leaving little time for character focus, since the giant monster/s will be roaming New York.

The password is:
jllovesth

And it sets down on a confessional video with Jamie Llascano, who basically gives nothing really interesting away beyond complaining about an infection in her bladder. Many are suspecting it’s a hint to the possible parasitic abilities of the monster, but I think it may serve as a plot device during a time of fleeing and tension.

As for any new information, “Resident Evil: Extinction” is rumored to have another trailer in front of it which will likely have a better coherency and explain to some degree the monster’s carnage and its possible ability to spread some sort of parasite or enzyme. It’s all rumors up until “Resident Evil: Extinction.”

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Hey Gang,

Sure, most of you know me as Chris, but I’m often referred to by friends as “TV’s Chris Gore.” It’s the cute name they use to mock me in public, which I’m cool with. But my various “job” responsibilities range from my column on Suicide Girls to my latest book to the publisher of Film Threat.

But it’s about time that other Film Threat folks get in front of the camera for some face time, including editor-in-chief Mark Bell and writer Eric Campos. Eric was seen recently on Reelz Channel discussing 3:10 to Yuma and Mark has been on G4TV’s Attack of the Show on the Loop discussing celebrity web sites and another Loop segment discussing the Week in Review.

So, now I can finally refer to my Film Threat pals as TV’s Mark Bell and TV’s Eric Campos. Make sure when you run into these guys that you do the same. It’s the least I can do to repay their years of mocking my ugly mug on the boob tube.

Gore gone!

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They say all good things must come to an end. They are right. I wish that weren’t true, but sometimes you can’t stop a tsunami, you know?

I’ve been writing “Excess Hollywood” on a weekly basis for quite some time now. I’ve often thought I’ve written everything I need to write, but that’s not entirely true. I always seem to have some opinion on some subject. Unfortunately, what I no longer have is time or the mental energy.

I’m finishing up another manuscript, I’m struggling with the idea of a book signing, and I’ve got family problems that I won’t go into because I respect everyone’s privacy. Something’s got to give, and while I’ve ridden my bike (I bike to work most days) into traffic enough times to make me think I have a serious death wish, I think it’s much saner to put “Excess Hollywood” on hiatus while I sort out all the shit into neat little piles to be disposed of properly.

I will still do film reviews and the occasional interview for Film Threat, and my writing will continue to appear other places, but a weekly (or even biweekly) column can’t be in the picture right now … at least not at the level I want it to be at.

I don’t think I’ve changed anything with this column. The ratings board still destroys art and dumbs down America. Ticket prices haven’t changed for blockbusters. People’s taste in movies is still pretty poor. (It may have gotten worse.) I did make a lot of friends (and enemies), though. People who are passionate about movies and culture in general. In some strange way, that means more to me than killing off the MPAA (though I would love to be the catalyst behind that).

“Excess Hollywood” says good-bye … for now. My name will still be around. My reviews will still be here. And I hope enough of you care to follow the other stuff I write. Now if any of you happen to be a publisher looking for a very twisted horror manuscript, give me a shout at bauknin@aol.com.

Thanks for reading.

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Well, I finally got my copy of Inland Empire on Tuesday. 

Box is kinda plain, although the little card inside the case advertising David Lynch Gourmet Coffee made me smile like it was my birthday, and the DVD menus and extras are pure Lynch. Haven’t seen the extras because I don’t want to know anything about this movie as I watch it in my sleep.

Have tried the experiment twice now. Letting it play in totality on low volume throughout the night, and it is having some effect on my dreams. Last night I dreamth that I was walking through a department store that sold “Faces”. Didn’t have a name as far as I could tell. It had a definite 50’s/60’s vibe to it. You know, lots of pastels and that weird plastic futuristic neon style. Outside it was snowing. It was night too. The customers all seemed to have walked out of Mayberry. Dad had a tie, mom had those horrible pink or blue dresses. Boys had jeans and those short sleeved shirt. Girls had pigtails and mini-mom dresses.

But nobody had any face. No eyes, no mouth, no nose, no chin. Where the face would be it was as smooth as an egg, like the back of someone’s shaved head.

These people would go up to the counter and buy a face. Picking out someone they wanted to be. Girls would pick out freckles, smiles and big cheeks, dads would pick out strong chins and steely blue eyes, boys would take the one with a missing front tooth, moms would pick out the one that had the most elegant and understated makeup. Good for the kitchen or the bedroom.

As I stood there watching all of this, one of the store employees came up to me. He was wearing a strong mustached face with kind eyes. The sort of face someone could trust you know? The sort of face that sold things whether they needed to be sold or not.

“What sort of face would you like Sir?” He asked.
I kinda laughed “But, I already have a face.” I said.
He smiled and shook his head. “No you don’t.”

And just before I could turn my head to look in a mirror, I woke up. Empire had finished and it was back on the menu screen.

Usually I don’t dream at all. So this is totally due to the film. Is anything like this in Empire? Or is this all me?

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Few other films have garnered as much controversy as the “Za Ginipiggu” (“Guinea Pig”) series. These films have been the subjects of investigations, news reports, speculation and have even been banned. Actor Charlie Sheen saw one of the movies in the series, “Flowers of Flesh and Blood,” and believed it to be a real snuff film (and he contacted the FBI about it). For years the only way to get any of these movies were through underground “collectors,” which lent them an air of authenticity and mystery. They were, for fans of extreme horror, an almost Holy Grail of VHS tapes.

The movies are the brainchild of Satoru Ogura (with the help of manga creator Hideshi Hino), who set out to make some of the most over the top horror movies ever seen. Some resembled snuff films in that they were nothing more than pure torture. (“Flowers of Flesh and Blood” and “The Devil’s Experiment” would cause people who had problems with “Hostel” and its sequel to have a heart attacks if they watched them.) Other films in the series, which also includes a making-of movie and special best-of, were more straightforward … in their own weird way. They dealt with things like murderous “doctors” and mermaids found in sewers. Some of the films felt downright sinister, and if you happened to get a bad copy where the images on the tape were almost unrecognizable, well that made it worse.

As a whole, the series succeeds if only because it does exactly what it set out to do. The best in the bunch, however, is “Mermaid in a Manhole.” It has an imaginative story, some insane gore, and is fairly cohesive. It proved that the series wasn’t simply a gorefest that was all splatter and little matter.

It’s easy to do an outrageous gore film. It’s also easy to shock. It’s not so easy to do it well. The creators of this series did that very thing, however. The entire series feels taboo, raw and demented. It also makes you sit back (once your senses are done reeling) and say, “That actually worked.”

The series, as any series does, has its high and low points. Whether or not something strikes an emotional chord is entirely up to the viewer, but one can’t deny the power of these films. Few who sought them out felt ripped off upon seeing them, and those who don’t know anything about them (it’s unlikely you’ll read about them in “reputable” outlets) probably aren’t going to want to see them. They aren’t designed to appeal to the casual horror viewer, and they definitely aren’t made for mainstream audiences. They are made for those who take their horror seriously, who treat it like an art form, and who are willing to see how far some artists will take things.

The “Guinea Pig” series is the perfect example of one of the artist’s roles in society. Sometimes an artist should push himself and his audience to new heights and into uncharted territory. In a film genre where excess is not only desired but is the norm, the artist will have a hard time destroying those boundaries. These films proved it could still be done, and be done with flair.

And as for the outcome of Sheen’s worried call to the FBI? Nothing but more controversy and more sales. Isn’t that always the way?

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