Hello FT readers and Happy New Year! I’ve been mostly absent from the site due to an un-Godly school and work schedule, the new doc I’m making and life in general. Plus, I manage a band called five a.m. You can check out our new site here: http://www.fiveam.com/
I’ve been managing these guys for like, ten years. And by manage, that means I book shows and then drink all their beer while they play their hearts out. It’s a pretty sweet gig. But ten years for a band most of you have never heard of begs the obvious question, who are these guys? Well, we’re launching some new ways to try and get the masses to listen up and here’s our first effort, a music video starring Eddie Furlong, Ice-T and Rumer Willis!
With the record industry on it’s last legs and the film industry soon to follow, we decided to try and think of some new ways to attract attention to the music without getting bent over by record companies. Filmmakers have been doing this for years so we kind of adopted the idea of getting our stuff out there in new ways. So, check it out. A big chunk of the proceeds from the download of the song, “Still in Love With You” are going to a charity that you can check out on the five a.m. site.
If any budding documentary filmmakers out there are looking for a story, the charity we’re donating to is a great story. It’s called “Pace e Bene” and it focuses on non-violence. It was started by a 73 year old Franciscan monk who was arrested for praying at the front gate of a military base. Thank God our tax money goes to getting criminals like that off the streets!
It’s been reported in Cloverfield Clues that folks keeping in touch with Tagruato have been receiving Sonar imagery of something extremely large lurking in the waters.
Though no sources have confirmed what the unidentified object is, it’s reported to be humongous in mass and not any kind of recognizable aquatic organism. Stick with us as this discovery unfolds…
Posted by Felix Vasquez Jr. in Writer's Corner at 4:19 AM
PST
Since I’m impatient, and I’m already finished with my list, I thought it’d be fun to post the ten worst films I saw in 2007. Granted, films like “Norbit” and “Are we Done Yet?” haven’t been included because I haven’t seen them, but keeping it in mind, this is the (truncated version of the) worst ten films of 2007 I saw. As always, I welcome debating and feedback.
10. Blood & Chocolate
For all intents and purposes Agnes Bruckner is still a fox, but this movie is more of her wasted potential.
9. A Mighty Heart
A manipulative and self-righteous portrait of a gruesome crime that I really ended up hating.
8. Rush Hour 3
Felix thinks “Rush Hour 3″ sucked, Felix sat through this to review for someone and Felix had a hard time sitting through what was basically a repackaged pastiche of shit from the first two movies. Felix thinks Chris Tucker needs to rethink his comedy schtick. The nineties are over.
7. Dan in Real Life
I’m convinced that Steve Carrell needs a great comeback, sorely. Hopefully “Get Smart” does the trick.
6. Dragon Wars
From under developed characters, boring villains who are evil for the sake of being evil, and a hilariously sympathetic ending. You have to hate it. I do.
5. The Hills Have Eyes II
This movie is so painfully bad that it convinced me to completely dismiss everything I ever liked about Wes Craven, who wrote the screenplay incidentally.
4. Captivity
The torture fad on its last legs, and Elisha Cuthbert is gunning for that Oscar by drinking the body part smoothie. Oh me oh my.
3. Rob Zombie’s Halloween
Or as I call it: “The Devil’s Rejects: Haddonfield,” both versions of Zombie’s Halloween were about as fun as constipation and will continue to rot like a piece of meat.
2. Margot at the Wedding
Smug, self-aware, self-indulgent and excruciating. When the most interesting moment of the film involves Nicole Kidman trying to pick a fly out of her ear, you know you’re in trouble.
1. Spider-Man 3
Peter Parker dancing in front of a clothing store, shooting at girls with his fingers, Mary Jane is a pure cunt, and don’t forget That 70’s Venom. No! It sucked on purpose! And if by some chance it did, it’s still the worst movie of 2007, and bar none one of the worst comic book movies ever made.
OVERBLOWN:
I like to think of it as “The age of Tranny Porn,” a year where one of the most mediocre movies ever made is graced by nearly everyone as a masterpiece. Go ahead, thrash at me, “Transformers: The Movie” was average at best, and by the last action packed half hour, I really didn’t give a shit anymore.
GUILTY PLEASURES:
Damn it, I loved “I Am Legend” up until the last hour. Will Smith changes my mind about his acting ability, and I absolutely fell in love with Samantha. Kudos, but it will always be that guilty pleasure for the horribly tacked on finale, and the ridiculously obvious CGI monsters. And there is of course “P2″ a wonderful piece of B Grade horror about a psycho security guard who traps a busty blond woman in a parking lot during Christmas. Deliriously stupid, and yet so damn fun.
This thing rocks. There’s just no other way to put it. 5 versions of the film: The 1982 US theatrical cut which was last seen in 1982, the 1982 international theatrical cut which was released on VHS throughout the 80’s, the 1992 director’s cut which replaced the latter in subsequent releases, the “Final Cut” which is the Ridley Scott made and approved last ever version (the 1992 version was approved but not made by him it seems), and finally the 1982 workprint version. However, technically there’s a SIXTH version of the film on it. Just go to “Deleted and Alternate Scenes” on the 4th disc and press play all, and you’ll get a choppy, not-quite-all-there version of the film composed entirely of material you’ve never seen before. This is blowing me away and I haven’t even started watching the OTHER gajillion extras yet. The set is so monumentally complete that I doubt this could ever be topped in a future release.
Even if Blade Runner wasn’t one of my favorite films in the world, the box set would still be impressive. In my mind it sets a standard for future releases of older, influential films that were made by directors who shot tons of material and kept most of this footage afterwards. More than once I was thinking that this is what they should do with Kubrick films. Can you imagine getting a box set of The Shining with the original version, the international version, the first released version (with alternate ending) and a completely new version compiled with all the most interesting alternate footage he shot? Add to that a full lenght version of Vivian Kubrick’s documentary, other archival material, trailers, interviews, commentaries with Vivian Kubrick (who’s really fun to listen to) and Stephen King (who’d be a hoot to hear rant) and any other stuff you could find in the vaults; then package it in a miniature hedge maze and I’d buy the fucking thing no matter how expensive it was.
I know, it’s Christmas and I should be writing blog entries of Christmas cheer and screaming “Happy Holidays” and… I will, I do that, love everyone, MUAH, but over the holiday weekend and going into the rest of the holidays I like to catch up on my pile of films to watch for review and my mind is elsewhere.
Now, these are films that have been coming in for a couple days, weeks, months that I personally set aside because, I don’t know, the box art moves me, the synopsis sounds cool or it’s a film I’ve heard something about and have an interest in. Unfortunately, as Editor-in-Chief, I’m the slowest to get around to reviewing anything. Just too many other things on my plate besides watching films. However, there are certain times of the year when I get an opportunity to catch up and watch films like the shut-in I’ve become, and I love doing so. I’m currently in one of those times of year and…
So far the three films I’ve attempted to get through have had faulty DVDs. I’ve tried watching them in my normal DVD player, the XBox 360, the Playstation 2 and the various DVD players in the laptop and desktop and… it’s frustrating beyond belief, so I felt I needed to write something.
Filmmakers, test your DVDs before you send them out. Test them repeatedly. Test them to the point where you’re certain that at least one device on this Earth that is commonly owned will actually play your movie, because I WANT to see your film and sometimes I just can’t, and I do not have the time to track you down for another copy.
Seriously, instead of loading your DVD with extra features and the like, make sure the damn thing works. Because if it doesn’t work, I have to move on and your film doesn’t get reviewed, and then I get an angry email about how it’s been months since your film was submitted with no review and… we get too many movies a week to be following-up on your quality control. I’m not being pissy for any other reason than I want to see the films that I’m being sent, and I can’t do so and it is frustrating. You may have made the greatest film ever, and I want to find that out… but I can’t.
Look what I got in the mail today! A Christmas present from myself. The Blade Runner (Five-Disc Ultimate Collector’s Edition) Box Set. I was expecting this to come much later so it was a real surprise.
Externally, this totally lives up to the hype. It’s a nice sized little briefcase that somewhat replicates the Voight-Kampff machine used in the film. Inside you’ll find a little toy “Spinner” car and a pewter Unicorn; there’s also a film cell and some documentation. It just oozes cool. You wouldn’t think that something so dark and serious like Blade Runner could be marketed so effectively, but everything here works and doesn’t seem goofy or out of tone with the material. (Okay, well maybe the little toy car… vroooooooooooooom! -J.K.)
I haven’t watched anything yet or even really looked too deeply at the set since I have to get ready for work tonight, but I’ll probably get a chance to peruse the thing before long. God this seems awesome.
Now, if you’ll allow me, I would like to take a moment out of your time and stop talking about movies so we can focus on the true meaning of Christmas. One that is often forgotten amidst all the hype and the greed and the drinking. Please… just take a minute, just one minute, get your family together and bow your heads in gratitude. Remembering that today, no matter what those crappy commercials and those heathens in the Goverment say, is really about the birth of our Lord and Savior. The greatest man who ever lived. A man who suffered for the sins of all mankind.
Posted by Felix Vasquez Jr. in Writer's Corner at 2:23 PM
PST
Next year brings us Iron Man, Batman, the Joker, Indiana Jones, Hellboy, and a giant monster stomping New York. It may just turn out to be a banner year in pure blockbuster mayhem with films that provide substance along with their monikers. They’re also my most anticipated movies of 2008.
2007 was a great year for films and 2008 may follow along with the same ilk.
I celebrate Christmas, and though I definitely am a cynic of all cynics, Christmas usually demands a joy from me that’s rarely seen. So as I park my ass down to watch a 24 hour marathon of “A Christmas Story” and crack open some egg nog laced with vodka, I wish you all a happy Holidays.
They’re closing in…
As December comes to a wind down the date slowly approaches for the opening of the basic internet buzz craze “Cloverfield,” which comes to movie goers January 18, 2008.
It’s been a wonderful mystery, and an interesting glimpse at the effect proper movie hype can have on impressionable movie lovers and internet surfers all over the US. It’s been six months and not a single person has been untouched by the sheer suspense of “Cloverfield.”
New arrivals to the buzz has been the beginning of the ad campaign for “Cloverfield” which I’ve seen the trailer for on MTV. It’s a longer commercial that basically gives a bit away about the rumors. “We got a bite! We got a bite!” A woman frantically screams as a character is dragged away as she bursts behind a screen in silhouette.
Many are suspecting this will be a deeply human story, but also a terrifying one, and one I’ll be watching when it comes to theaters in January.
Rob’s Blog has also been updated where he discusses a job hunt, and his complaints about his girlfriend, which many know leads to his hiring at Tagruato/Slusho.
I wouldn’t be any kind of a fan of reckless anarchy and perpetual adolescence if I didn’t make a post about this. Seems that you Yanks can watch the semi-new Jackass film for free online at: http://blockbuster.jackassworld.com/
Since I’m Canuckistan (the movie will only play for people in the United-States) I can’t confirm the video/audio quality of the link, so I’d be much obliged if some of my southern cousins could check it out and tell me what it looks like and if it works.
