Not too long ago, a woman who knew I wrote for Film Threat “strongly encouraged” me to see “The Passion of the Christ.” She said the film was the “most important movie ever made” and that it was a major achievement because Hollywood was “run by and filled with homosexuals who hate Jesus.”
The picture of homosexuals running Hollywood is a stereotype that gets thrown around a lot; we’ve all heard the rumors about certain high profile stars and various producers. Is Hollywood really dripping with men who lust after other men, though? No, and I have proof: “Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed.” This film would not exist if Hollywood were under a homosexual regime. Yes, homosexuals can be just as greedy as heterosexuals, and yes they can have questionable taste. (Thanks for disco, jerks!) But homosexuals have style, and that’s one thing totally lacking in the Scooby-Doo franchise. It’s impossible for any true homosexual to come up with something that mediocre.
I don’t believe that Hollywood doesn’t have any homosexuals. That would be unrealistic. I also don’t believe, as the Jesus woman does, that homosexuals are trying to push an “agenda” on heterosexuals through film
and television. When I revealed my skepticism of this plot, she offered her own proof: “American Beauty.” I shit you not.
“The only character with values in that film turned out to be one of them,” she told me with absolute certainty.
My guess is that she saw the “American Beauty” that had been censored by Mormons or something. I didn’t even really have an argument to counter her crazy ideas because there was nothing I could say that would convince her otherwise. The lady lives in a world where homosexuals try to “convert” children and “weak-willed” adults through the use of art and entertainment. This isn’t the real world, but it is her world, and that is all she knows.
I had to fuck with her. I would be remiss if I didn’t. I wasn’t going to attempt to open her mind, however. That would be futile. I figured I’d just screw with her perception of reality.
“Do you know,” I told her, “that many homosexuals love ‘The Passion of the Christ’ because of all the homoerotic symbolism that Mel Gibson put into it to appeal to them?”
She seemed stunned.
“Yeah. He knew gays wouldn’t see the movie as it was intended to be. These days, if you lose the gay audience, you lose a lot of money, and studios that put these movies out can’t have that. Gay crowds only go to see movies by and about gays … like “American Beauty.” You know — films that push the “agenda.” So Gibson put homoerotic symbolism in there to specifically appeal to the gay audience. Some believe the studio put him up to it, but who can say? All I know is that those lingering shots of man flesh, the blood acting as symbolic semen, and the sadistic torture scenes — that’s all for gays. Fortunately, it also appeals to the more religious because they simply aren’t programmed to pick up homosexual imagery.”
I thought the lady was going to cry. I could almost hear the three gears in her brain grinding together as she tried to process the information. Maybe she had heard that gays loved S&M. Maybe she was able to see how the blood could be semen. At the very least, it fit with her conspiratorial way of thinking. Hollywood was run by gays … and they forced Mel Gibson to homo up Jesus.
“I … I don’t know what to … say,” she stammered. “How do you know this?”
“How can I not? I’m an entertainment journalist. I’m trained to find this information. It’s pretty commonplace in all the homosexual trade magazines, too.”
“Why hasn’t this been reported?” she asked.
“Think about it.”
She thought about it all right, and she made it fit her world. “The gays control the media?”
“Especially the Jewish ones,” I replied. “Don’t forget them.”
Our conversation sort of ended there. I had ruined the “most important movie ever made,” and now she wouldn’t be able to think about it the same way.
Was I cruel? A little, but I’m a firm believer in meeting stupidity with stupidity.
“Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed,” folks. Proof positive that Hollywood is not run by homosexuals. “The Passion of the Christâ” — the new proof that it is … at least for some people.
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Posted on May 13, 2004 in Features by Doug Brunell
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- EXCESS HOLLYWOOD: THE GAYEST, JESUS-IEST HERO EVER
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