5. Vanity Fair ^ Witherspoon’s performance is so dumb that she turns Becky Sharp into Becky Stupid.

4. The Chronicles of Riddick ^ Good news for micro-budget filmmakers – Vin Diesel will be available very soon for your production.

3. Soul Plane ^ Anyone found laughing while staring at a movie screen as this film was playing was subsequently locked up in a dust ward and no one misses them.

2. Garfield: The Movie ^ Put all the negatives in a bag filled with rocks and sink them in a very deep river. Sprinkle some garlic over the water for good measure, to make sure the movie never rises to torment the living again.

1. Resident Evil: Apocalypse ^ This one almost escaped The Wrath by planning a mid-September release, but no – we smell your stench and it’s the worst. Watching “Resident Evil: Apocalypse” is like watching the output of a six-year old playing with their parents’ camera. The major players behind this production – you know who you are – have no business making films. Your sins will be absolved if you just drop the camera and back away. These people have nothing like that stuff we saw back in the day…what was it called – oh yeah…TALENT!

Posted on September 14, 2004 in Features by

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