FILM THREAT’S 2005 SUMMER MOVIE PREVIEW

JULY

FANTASTIC FOUR
Released: July 8th
Directed by: Tim Story
Starring: Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Michael Chiklis
The Lowdown: Marvel’s first family of comic superheroes takes the world by storm as the longest running comic book series in history comes to the big screen. Reed Richards / Mr. Fantastic, who can elongate his body; Susan Storm / Invisible Woman, who not only can become invisible at will but can render other objects invisible; Johnny Storm / Human Torch, who can shoot fire from his finger tips and bend flame; and Ben Grimm / The Thing, a hideously misshapen monster with superhuman strength, together battle the evil Doctor Doom.
FT says
Eric Campos: The new trailer has pretty much shed the whole made for Sci-Fi Channel look and feel that was found in the earlier previews. Not that that’s a bad thing, it’s just that a summer blockbuster should look as such, not a made for cable movie.
Blaine Fidler: I’ve seen the trailer and witnessed first hand a month plus of nightly re-shoots for the same damned scene. Chalk this fucker up in the same column that contains The Punisher, Daredevil and Elektra.

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
Released: July 15th
Directed by: Tim Burton
Starring: Johnny Depp, Freddie Highmore, David Kelly
The Lowdown: Tim Burton gets his hands on the classic Roald Dahl tale. Some say it’s a match made in heaven,
FT says
Eric Campos: After the double whammy stinkeroony of Planet of the Apes and Big Fish, if this winds up sucking it’s three strikes you’re out!
Chris Thilk: Initially I was wary about this since I love the Gene Wilder version, but the trailer makes it look like Tim Burton has regained his fastball after the Damm Dirty Movie.
Pete Vonder Haar: Can’t be worse than “Planet of the Apes”, anyway.

INTO THE BLUE
Released: July 15th
Directed by: John Stockwell
Starring: Paul Walker, Jessica Alba, Scott Caan
The Lowdown: Four divers way prettier than you could ever hope to be, go head up with smugglers in a battle for buried treasure in the dangerous waters of the Bahamas.
FT says
Eric Campos: This movie needs some pirates. Real swashbuckling pirates.
Chris Thilk: Jessica Alba is yummy but this just looks too cheesy for words.
Pete Vonder Haar: This one has something for everyone: men get Jessica Alba in a bikini, women get Paul Walker without a shirt, and unrepentant assholes like us get to bitch about how this is a rip-off of “The Deep”. And Jacqueline Bisset will always be hotter than Alba. Snoogans.

THE DEVIL’S REJECTS
Released: July 22nd
Directed by: Rob Zombie
Starring: Sid Haig, Bill Moseley, Sheri Moon Zombie
The Lowdown: Your favorite creeps from House of 1000 Corpses are back in this sequel.
FT says
Eric Campos: Hoping this one is the mean little exploitational film that “House of 1000 Corpses” wanted to be and not the spastic music video that “House of 1000 Corpses” was.
Blaine Fidler: I doubt there’s anything wrong with this movie that a half-sack of hi-test and a few bourbon chasers can’t remedy. Bring it on!
Phil Hall: What, they made a movie about the Film Threat staff?

THE ISLAND
Released: July 22nd
Directed by: Michael Bay
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Scarlett Johansson, Djimon Hounsou
The Lowdown: Clones gone wild as Ewan McGregor and Scarlet Johansson try to escape their fate of becoming spare parts for their human couterparts.
FT says
Eric Campos: Ewan McGregor may be setting some sort of record by starring in two films featuring clones this summer and having both of those films suck.
Chris Thilk: Take one part “THX-1138″. Add the director of “The Rock”. Dash with a bit of extremely watered down “Brave New World”. Put in the oven until it smells like crap that’s been vomited on.

WEDDING CRASHERS
Released: July 22nd
Directed by: David Dobkin
Starring: Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, Rachel McAdams
The Lowdown: Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn crash weddings in the hopes of finding one night stands.
FT says
Rory L. Aronsky: They know where the booze is. They’ve seen the bridesmaids. And they’re coming to your wedding. Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn play the titular dudes on the prowl for booze and boobs, though I would have been entertained seeing Jackie Chan try his hand at this. Or maybe two “Shanghai” movies was more than enough.
Eric Campos: The “Old School” of this summer? Hmmm…maybe…
Chris Thilk: Looks great. As long as this one avoids some dreaded last half-hour of sappiness it could be a classic on the level of “Old School”.
Pete Vonder Haar: The barely contained homoeroticism between Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn will be the fuel that drives this well-tuned celluloid engine.

THE BROTHERS GRIMM
Released: July 29th
Directed by Terry Gilliam
Starring: Matt Damon, Heath Ledger, Monica Bellucci
The Lowdown: Terry Gilliam’s latest is loosely based on the lives of famous fairy tale spinsters Jacob Ludwig Carl Grimm and Wilhelm Carl Grimm.
FT says
Eric Campos: Glad to see Gilliam survived the hammering he took while trying to make his “Don Quixote.” Can’t wait for this one!
Blaine Fidler: Terry fuckin’ Gilliam! It’s been far too long since “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”. “Brothers Grimm” may actually ease the pain incurred by the rest of the summer season’s cinematic stinkers.
Chris Thilk: I’m there for anything and everything Gilliam does.

MUST LOVE DOGS
Released: July 29th
Directed by: Gary David Goldberg
Starring: Diane Lane, John Cusack, Dermot Mulroney
The Lowdown: Diane Lane turns to personal ads for a date when she comes across John Cusack. He sounds like a nice guy, but there’s a catch. Anyone he dates must love dogs.
FT says
Eric Campos: At least Cusack is adept at the quirky sensitive guy role.
Pete Vonder Haar: Anyone else think it’s a bad sign that John Cusack is making more of these so-called “paycheck” movies? We’ve despaired of ever seeing a “Tapeheads” sequel.

STEALTH
Released: July 29th
Directed by: Rob Cohen
Starring: Josh Lucas, Jessica Biel, Jamie Foxx
The Lowdown: “War Games”.
FT says
Eric Campos: Do…you…want…to…play?
Chris Thilk: Or, as it was originally known, “Iron Eagle 6″.

See what’s happening in August in part five of FILM THREAT’S 2005 SUMMER MOVIE PREVIEW>>>




Posted on April 10, 2005 in Features by

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