10. The Longest Yard
“The Longest Yard” is little more than the most recent excuse for Sandler and Rock to trot their tired routines out again (and for Burt Reynolds to go buy another facelift) and give American audiences the annual football-related movie we were apparently promised in the Constitution.

9. XXX: State of the Union
If any sequel deserved the direct-to-video treatment it was this one…it’s merely the same old – same old, only less spectacular.

8. Fantastic Four
“Fantastic Four” is anything but, and should serve as an indication that maybe its time to put the brakes on the current avalanche of comic book adaptations.

7. Herbie: Fully Loaded
There’s no swearing, no violence, and one kiss sans tongue. Aside from the breasts, inserted along with the gratuitous racing footage for the benefit of fathers taking their children to the Saturday matinee, the film is depressingly wholesome. In that respect, it accomplishes what it sets out to do, which is to distract the children of America from the horror of their eventual futures for a couple more hours.

6. The Island
“The Island” ends up being a poor man’s attempt at futuristic sci-fi smarts along the lines of “Logan’s Run” or “THX-1138.” Calling a Michael Bay movie disappointing may be a little trite but what makes this movie so inadequate is that there are some moments in it that could have been really worth watching. There are some really good ideas that aren’t focused on enough because something has to explode. If only some of that product placement coin was spent on working on a few more drafts of the screenplay, “The Island” could have been a much better film.

Brace yourself! The stinkiest of the stinky await in part four of SUMMER OF STINK 2005>>>

Posted on September 13, 2005 in Features by

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