WHY STAR WARS IS BETTER THAN TITANIC

1. Titanic’s big, but it doesn’t have hyperdrive. ^ 2. Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential. ^ 3. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water. ^ 4. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedimaterial; Rose is just marriage bait. ^ 5. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage. ^ 6. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can’t say “Look at the size of that thing!” and really mean it. ^ 7. It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun. ^ 8. Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyedamphibians to Admiral. ^ 9. Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship. ^ 10. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun. ^ 11. Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing? ^ 12. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt. ^ 13. Two words: John Williams. ^ 14. There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars. ^ 15. Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed “kings of the world”? ^ 16. If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key. ^ 17. “I’d rather be his whore than your wife” just doesn’t have the same sting as “I’d rather kiss a Wookie.” ^ 18. Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes. ^ 19. We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could’ve anticipated “Luke… I am your father”? ^ 20. Han Solo would’ve missed the dang iceberg! ^




Posted on May 12, 1999 in Features by
Buffer


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One Comment on "WHY STAR WARS IS BETTER THAN TITANIC"

  1. Chanimoon2 on Thu, 16th May 2013 1:03 am 

    I read you 50 reasons why Return of the Jedi sucks. I like this movie. It was made for a younger audience. I was a teenager when I first saw it. I think you should give Han Solo some lack. He was older when he made this film. The scene where Leia talks about her mother should be overlooked because Lucas thought it was easier to kill her off in the prequels.


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