10. George Lucas finally got around to another trilogy. “Rapture” has no release date.
9. Lando Calrissian eventually finds his backbone. Pontius Pilate never given shot at redemption.
8. The 12 disciples had no gay robots for comic relief.
7. The “Force” doesn’t act like a petulant 15-year-old girl with self-esteem issues.
6. While rival “Star Trek” fans are pathetic, they don’t wake your ass out of bed on Sunday morning carrying a copy of “The Watchtower”.
5. “Empire Strikes Back” and “Return of the Jedi” don’t drag nearly as much as the “Old Testament” after Deuteronomy.
4. There is no “Special Edition” of the Bible that fixes glitches and continuity errors.
3. While hardcore “Star Wars” fans may seem silly waiting in line for a month, it definitely beats shooting doctors and bombing abortion clinics.
2. “Star Wars” – Luke sacrifices self to save people; survives experience to party with Muppets. “The New Testament” – Jesus, they crucify the poor bastard.
1. Christianity promises a third and final act only after you’re dead. Lucas, at least, tells you not to really expect anything after this trilogy.
…and to be fair… [ JESUS IS SO FLY! ]
Posted on May 12, 1999 in Features by Ron Wells
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- “SPIDER-MAN 3″ IS “A SILLY MOVIE?” SO SAYS GEORGE LUCAS…
- “STAR WARS THE PHANTOM EDIT”: THE FAN’S CUT
- GEORGE LUCAS: FLANNEL SHIRTS AND DOLLAR BILLS
- SILENT BUT DEADLY
- STAR WARS: ELEMENTS
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