10. None of the 12 disciples as useless at Jar Jar Binks.
9. When the final reckoning comes, it won’t be with a disappointing “Super Death Star” and “Super Star Destroyer” from a burned-out God who just wanted to wrap things up.
8. The 12 disciples had no gay robots for comic relief (or ethnic aliens).
7. When God creates a populated world, it actually has weather, seasons and more than one climate.
6. No Muppets.
5. God did not feel the need to appropriate plot elements from Kurosawa films
4. Afterlife promises to be more interesting than following some know-it-all punk around the galaxy.
3. God does not attack every perceived blasphemy with his lawyers.
2. Thanks to new prequel, “Star Wars” fans now 30% more zealous than fundamentalist Christians.
1. If God turned out not to exist, it would still be less disappointing than “The Phantom Menace”.
Posted on May 12, 1999 in Features by Ron Wells
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- THAT DARN PUNK
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