FILM THREAT’S FRIGID 50: THE COLDEST PEOPLE IN HOLLYWOOD 2006 (31-40)

31. DVDs / HD-DVD / Blu-Ray
It’s the battle for the end of the format! The one that comes out on top should have at least two weeks before everyone moves on to HD download-on-demand through their cable or internet. BitTorrents, MP3s… the kids coming up just do not have an attachment to a physical medium.
Anti-Freeze: Drop the price, offer more content and shorten the release window. That should extend the lifespan of DVDs in any format for a bit longer.

32. Steve Martin/Robin Williams/Adam Sandler
Martin went from genius to remake-aholic; Williams manages to bring the same performance despite portraying every type of character ever conceived in any genre, live-action or animation; and Sandler is two-note – either the quiet, lovable schlub or the loud-mouthed lovable schlub. Why does this bother us? Because you were all funny until you got so comfortable with life, and we miss your greatness.
Anti-Freeze: A celebrity sex tape entitled “Hairy, Screamy and Frosty.”

33. Jessica Alba
In her own words, “What happens when the looks fade? If I don’t establish myself as someone who can act a part rather than look the part, I will soon be finished.” Which is why she played a stripper in “Sin City,” cavorted in a bikini throughout “Into the Blue” and flashed her undies in “Fantastic Four.”
Anti-Freeze: As much as it hurts, a couple cameos in films where the clothes stay on and the acting is allowed to develop organically. Oh, too serious an answer? How about a bikini endorsement deal?

34. Cameron Diaz
You’ve become a CGI princess for all of eternity. “There’s Something About Mary,” “The Mask,” “Charlie’s Angels”… they’re gone now.
Anti-Freeze: Stick with the “Shrek” films. The writing is better and you don’t have to worry about anyone accusing you of getting by on your looks like that Jessica Alba person.

35. Wrestlers as Actors
Wrestlers-turned-actors hasn’t always been a bad idea. The tomfoolery started with Lenny Montana’s turn as Luca Brazzi in “The Godfather,” moved into a “Rocky” grappling Hulk Hogan, and brilliantly peaked with Andre the Giant in “The Princess Bride.” In recent years, however, the charm has worn off. The Rock made a respectable go of it, but failed in “Doom” and “Be Cool.” Kane got his own tepid movie in “See No Evil” and now the world gets to see John “The Marine” Cena? Sorry, but it stops here.
Anti-Freeze: “Mick Foley: The Movie” starring Ron Jeremy.

36. Uma Thurman
You killed Bill, and then what? “My Super Ex-Girlfriend?” That’s like saving someone’s life just to stab them in the gut.
Anti-Freeze: Call Quentin up, see if he’s just joshing about that Vega Brothers nonsense and start brainstorming a new film.

37. Tim Allen
For some reason all of Allen’s major theatrical motion pictures just have that smell of direct-to-DVD all over them. And they’re just as forgettable. You went from the epitome of clueless male in “Home Improvement” to a staple in children’s flicks. This grunts for you, former awesome guy.
Anti-Freeze: Just become the real Santa Claus already.

38. Will Ferrell
Frank the Tank’s problem is that every one of his comedic roles is a variation on the same slightly dim protagonist who gets laughs by hollering a lot. “Stranger Than Fiction” showed he has more range.
Anti-Freeze: Get serious.

39. Eva Longoria
TV popularity doesn’t necessarily translate to big screen success (hence no “Baywatch” or “Xena” movies…yet). If her performances in “The Sentinel” and “Harsh Times” are any indication, Longoria better pray that she doesn’t get killed off on “Desperate Housewives.”
Anti-Freeze: Marry a Count, so you can be forever known as the ravishing Countess Eva Longoria.

40. Woody Allen
Woody continues to release one movie a year, regardless of originality or quality. This year’s output was “Scoop,” and that’s what we did when we found the film in the litter box.
Anti-Freeze: You’re already the most prolific professional filmmaker; why not take a year or two to really develop a project.

The list continues in part six of FILM THREAT’S FRIGID 50: THE COLDEST PEOPLE IN HOLLYWOOD 2006>>>




Posted on November 18, 2006 in Features by
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