Good Luck Chuck
Unfathomably popular comic Dane Cook gets to mash lips with Jessica Alba in a movie that proves once again if there is a God he is a remorselessly evil bastard…
John Carpenter must have one hell of a Beanie Baby fetish, for we can think of no other reason why the once-acclaimed director continues to whore out his old properties to be remade. “The Fog”? “Assault on Precinct 13″? It’s only a matter of time before he gets to one we really love, like “They Live” or “Big Trouble in Little China” (“The Thing” was already a remake, which blunts our normally keen sense of righteous indignation).
And then the blood will flow.
“Halloween” is arguably Carpenter’s greatest original horror movie (“original” in the sense that Bob Clark gave him the idea, and Carpenter borrowed several of Clark’s moves), which should elicit outrage, but such bitterness is hard to maintain with the flood of them that are released every year. Should it be remade? Probably not. Could we do a lot worse than Rob Zombie as director? Probably.
‘80s-era revenge is back, as Kevin Bacon levels bloody vengeance on the gang that tormented his family. If only Charles Bronson was alive to put in a cameo.
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Everybody hates Uwe. Just as there’s nothing new under the sun, there’s also nothing original to say about Uwe Boll. Reviled, resented, and ripped to shreds by almost every critic in existence (yes, even the likes of Earl Dittman and Peter Travers), the good Herr Doktor continues to convince big name talent (Ben Kingsley? John Rhys-Davies?) to appear in his Z-grade video game adaptation while also coercing actresses who should know better into showing their tits. Hate him? Hell, we admire him.
And thus the 2007 Summer Movie Preview ends with a Uwe Boll film, as most things in this universe do. Check out all the trailers again, if you’re so inclined, at Film Threat’s 2007 Summer Movie Preview>>>
Posted on May 1, 2007 in Features by Pete Vonder Haar and Felix Vasquez Jr.
If you liked this article then you may also like the following Film Threat articles:
- RAGING BOLL KICKS ASS…STILL SUCKS THOUGH
- FILM THREAT’S 2008 SUMMER MOVIE PREVIEW (PART 2)
- THE BOOTLEG FILES: “SUPERSTAR: THE KAREN CARPENTER STORY”
- BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF UWE BOLL…SERIOUSLY!
- HAVING ANOTHER GO AT THIS ACTING THING, ELISHA?
Popular Stories from Around the Web