FILM THREAT’S FRIGID 50: THE COLDEST PEOPLE IN HOLLYWOOD 2007 (21-30)

21. Vanessa Hudgens
Take note all young and aspiring Disney stars: Your soul belongs to Disney, but once a nude picture of you gets out, your ass belongs to the public.
Anti-Freeze: Don’t sweat it Vanessa, it’s not like anyone will remember you ten years from now.

22. Quentin Tarantino
At this point, everyone knows that Tarantino is the biggest movie geek to ever walk the Earth. He doesn’t need to prove it anymore. While “Grindhouse” was a great experiment and ode to a time gone by, and “Death Proof” was a perfect example of a bad exploitation film… it was still a bad exploitation film.
Anti-Freeze: “Inglorious Bastards,” just finish it already.

23. Children’s Fantasy Films Not Beginning with the Words: “Harry Potter and the…”
What do “Eragon,” “The Seeker: The Dark is Rising,” “Aquamarine” and “The Last Mimzy” have in common? The sum total of their combined grosses wouldn’t add up to the opening Sunday matinee box office for “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.” Now that “Deathly Hallows” has been written and released, studios are scrambling for other child-friendly fantasy properties to fill the void that will be left when the last movie hits theaters. Frankly, the current crop ain’t making the cut.
Anti-Freeze: Donald Sobol needs to sex up his Encyclopedia Brown books with some magic.

24. Mia Farrow
Since Hollywood isn’t calling, Mia placed her own call: to Sudan’s government, offering herself for imprisonment in exchange for the release of a terminally ill leader of Darfur’s rebel movement. Hey, that’s funnier than any of her Woody Allen movies!
Anti-Freeze: Stop bothering Sudan’s government with publicity phone calls; let Don Cheadle and the more socially conscious celebrities do their duty instead.

25. Christina Ricci
Has it really been almost ten years since Christina had a (somewhat) successful film? Apparently, seeing as her output since 1999’s “Sleepy Hollow” has been lackluster at best and even getting completely naked in “Prozac Nation” didn’t turn up an audience for the film.
Anti-Freeze: Whatever she did to piss off Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, she needs to apologize for it… NOW!

26. Tom Sizemore
He’s back where he belongs: in jail.
Anti-Freeze: Get a good parole officer and a better agent.

27. Chris Rock
It’s hard to believe that in 2005 he hosted the Oscars, because he has been doing his best to force any former pleasant memories of when he was hilarious from our minds. Be it the multitude of bad animated movies or the utter lameness that was “The Longest Yard” and “I Think I Love My Wife,” he’s fading faster than Britney Spears’ performance on the VMA’s. His next projects are an “untitled Brett Ratner” film and something called “The Gilmores of Beverly Hills” which is about a poor inner city family that moves to Beverly Hills. Yeah, you’re movin’ on up all right!
Anti-Freeze: Be offensive. Challenge people through controversy again instead of acting in such easy paycheck films.

28. Leonardo DiCaprio
We know Leo is concerned about global warming. Who isn’t? And we know “The 11th Hour” was a sincere, well-intended effort. However, Al Gore got the subject to the movie screens a year before Leo did with “An Inconvenient Truth.” Did anyone outside of Leo’s posse actually bother to see “The 11th Hour”?
Anti-Freeze: Leave the tsk-tsk lefty documentaries to Michael Moore and just look pretty for the cameras.

29. Ray Liotta
He may be a Goodfella, but he’s a bad driver (a February DUI where he rammed two parked cars) and an on-screen liability (he was barely cited in the marketing for the non-comedy “Wild Hogs”).
Anti-Freeze: Call Marty Scorcese and see if he has a bit part in his next flick.

30. Winona Ryder
It seems like Ryder has been cinematically broken since “Girl, Interrupted” left theaters 8 years ago. Flitting from one genre to another, the talent that made her a household name seems to be spreading as wide as shotgun buckshot in an attempt to establish something, anything, of a career again.
Anti-Freeze:
Playing Spock’s mother in the new incarnation of “Star Trek” is not enough; just go old school and make “Heathers 2: The Ultimate Grab for Indie Credibility and Cinema Nostalgia.”

The list continues in part five of FILM THREAT’S FRIGID 50: THE COLDEST PEOPLE IN HOLLYWOOD 2007>>>




Posted on November 20, 2007 in Features by
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