41. Natalie Portman
She’s still a geek’s dream, but her cinematic power, like the Mighty Samson, may have been lost when she shaved her head for “V for Vendetta.”
Anti-Freeze: We’re about due to find out how adult life is treating “The Professional’s” Mathilda right about now, don’t you think?
42. Penélope Cruz
If there’s ever a Tom Cruise Fallout Frigid 50 list, she’d be near the top. Despite strong performances in indie fare such as “Volver” and “The Good Night,” she’s still nowhere near the draw she was when she was with the little dictator.
Anti-Freeze: All Almodóvar, all the time.
43. John Travolta
Travolta’s career started off huge then devolved into unbearable comedies and sequels to already unbearable comedies. Then, Tarantino resurrected his career as a movie star and now he’s come full circle by crapping all over his second chance with tripe like “Wild Hogs” and “Be Cool.” From the looks of his upcoming projects, the decline will continue as he’s being paired with Robin Williams, box office poison so potent that including him in the Frigid 50 is like saying “water is wet.”
Anti-Freeze: Embrace the fat, boring and unfunny old man that he’s become rather than trying to hide it.
44. Larry the Cable Guy
Anyone who believes talent is a prerequisite for film stardom should watch this guy’s movies. Even the hillbilly audience stays away from his big screen stink bombs.
Anti-Freeze: Hey, put Larry in one of those Jane Austen chick flicks – it can’t be worse than what’s he doing now.
45. Sam Raimi
He’s obviously sick of “Spider-Man,” because the third movie was a by-the-numbers affair more notable for a Bruce Campbell cameo and an emo Peter Parker than the hero, villains or remaining plot. It’s okay to get burned out – it happens to everyone – but it’s time to move on.
Anti-Freeze: Forget re-making “Evil Dead;” just grab Bruce Campbell and make “Evil Dead 4″ already.
46. Jodie Foster
Okay, okay, we get it, you’re not a lesbian. What? You were offended by “Sin City?” Can you go back in time and tell us that in 2005, when it may have been relevant news?
Anti-Freeze: Less forced cinematic controversy, and more explanations why “Flightplan” was so bad, please.
47. O.J. Simpson
Apparently O.J.’s deal with the Devil didn’t include getting off for murder and attempted armed robbery.
Anti-Freeze: Just go to Hell already.
48. Diane Keaton
Few things have been as damaging to the careers of all 50+ female actors in Hollywood than Diane Keaton’s cinematic output in the 2000’s. “Something’s Gotta Give,” “The Family Stone,” “Because I Said So”… if she keeps this up, not only will studios continue to go to younger talents – they might start reinstating the old practice of tossing grandmas into volcanoes after they pass their acting peak.
Anti-Freeze: Retire, and stay there unless Woody Allen says otherwise. Bonus points if she can convince Woody to take a break too.
49. Jerry Lewis
Hey, what better way to raise money for muscular dystrophy research than by using anti-Gay slurs in the middle of his monotonous Labor Day telethon? The out-of-touch 81 year-old not-so-funnyman quickly apologized for his lapse in language – though maybe he should apologize for raising billions of dollars over the years under the guise of medical research without financing any significant breakthrough in the fight against that debilitating disease.
Anti-Freeze: Release “The Day the Clown Cried” – the world may finally be ready for a Jerry Lewis Holocaust comedy!
50. Michael Richards
Just because his racism-laced meltdown at the Laugh Factory happened right on the heels of the 2006 Frigid 50 does not mean that he snuck by the “Careers Beyond Repair” radar.
Anti-Freeze: It’s been a year, and Richards has done nothing, said nothing, been nothing. Continuing with said behavior may be the only way out at this point.
51. Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay’s on-again, off-again drug, partying and rehab news has been so overwhelming in the media that she almost didn’t make the Frigid 50 because of how sick and tired everyone is of constantly hearing about her. Still, how dead does your career have to be when even (Lack of) Power Lists don’t want you?
Anti-Freeze: Take it one day at a time, away from the cameras, preferably by setting up camp in a cave in Afghanistan with Bin Laden. Learn from his “less is more” publicity style.
Brought to you by the Film Threat staff with contributions from Rory L. Aronsky, Mark Bell, Michael Ferraro, Sally Foster, Chris Gore, Zachary Haddad, Phil Hall, Don R. Lewis, Felix Vasquez Jr., Pete Vonder Haar and sources who prefer to remain anonymous.
Posted on November 20, 2007 in Features by Film Threat Staff
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