THE FRIGID 50: THE COLDEST PEOPLE IN HOLLYWOOD (15-30)

[ 15. DENNIS QUAID ] ^ Has anyone else ever noticed the fact that he has never starred in a hit film since “Breaking Away” back in 1979?!!! How in the world does he maintain the ability to stay in feature films with two decade’s worth of flops and fizzles?
[ 16. DANA PLATO ] ^ The Different Strokes star is plotting a comeback as we speak. Oh, wait, she’s dead.
[ 17. LISA MARIE PRESLEY ] ^ She still hasn’t released an album despite being Elvis’ daughter and marrying Michæl Jackson.
[ 18. MACAULY CULKIN ] ^ The former child star is now divorced, out of work and, worse, no longer cute.
[ 19. DAN AYKROYD ] ^ It’s bizarre but he still fancies himself a serious actor. “Ghostbusters III” isn’t going to happen in this lifetime, so what else does he have? (He’s made it on every one of our Frigid 50 lists, so why stop now?)
[ 20. SYLVESTER STALLONE ] ^ How many theatrical stinkbombs can Sly lob at paying audiences and still have a career? Here’s hoping that the numb-skulled remake of “Get Carter” is the final straw in the fast-sinking career of an over-the-hill Action Zero.
[ 21. KATE HUDSON ] ^ With the over-rated “Almost Famous” fading at the box office and Kate’s incessant and shameless invoking of mom Goldie Hawn during her recent jaunt on the talk show circuit, this child of Hollywood may have to wait for a relaunch of “Laugh In” to make her mark.
[ 22. TIM MEADOWS ] ^ The longtime SNL second-stringer takes his nonexistent sketch comedy talents to the big screen with “The Ladies Man” and dazzles no one. If he’s looking for career security, Meadows better hope that Adam Sandler gives him bit parts in his next few movies.
[ 23. ELIZABETH HURLEY ] ^ The former model and current scab actress is on the verge of being thrown out of the Screen Actors Guild for filming a perfume advertisement in defiance of their strike. Now if only ex-boyfriend Hugh Grant would quit acting, we’d really be getting somewhere.
[ 24. BEN AFFLECK ] ^ Ben Affleck!! Action star?! You have to be kidding. And now he’s a producer? And will the man step forward (William Goldman) who helped he and Matt Damon write that script so he may be blamed for all of this. And do you pronounce it AF-fleck or af-FLECK?
[ 25. GEENA DAVIS ] ^ It’s bad enough she mucked up her big screen career…now she’s making a pest of herself through an unfunny, ABC TV comedy series and idiotic commercials. Yikes. She should get back to what she does best – dating big Hollywood directors.
[ 26. CHARLIE SHEEN ] ^ He’s coming to ABC Television’s “Spin City”!!! And nobody cares!
[ 27. ROBERT DOWNEY, JR. ] ^ All cleaned up and coming to television in FOX’s Ally McBeal and no one thinks this is odd? Television is truly turning into welfare for movie actors who can’t find work.
[ 28. NATHAN LANE ] ^ He just ain’t funny, no matter how hard he tries. And he tries very, very hard.
[ 29. ROBERT DENIRO ] ^ He’s making a new career parodying his own persona. And his appearance in Rocky and Bullwinkle as Fearless Leader in which he made fun of his famous “Taxi Driver” you-talkin-to-me? speech made us cringe. Please kill… somebody in a movie! Stop with the schtick already.
[ 30. ANNE HECHE ] ^ Her highly-publicized “power couple” pairing with lame comedienne Ellen Degeneres ended recently when Ellen hooked-up with some new tail. Look for Anne to head back to her roots: direct-to-video releases.
GET THE REST OF THE LIST>>>




Posted on October 22, 2000 in Features by
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