The dating scene can be real bummer. Especially when you think you finally found that perfect someone and all seems to be going great. Great, that is, until you find out they have the worst taste in movies ever. What if the first time you make it to their house is like 3 months into the relationship, and it’s at this time when you notice they have crap like Boat Trip or Just Like Heaven on their DVD shelf.
That’s not a good thing. Then you just wasted months of your life for something you could have avoided from the get-go. The following is a list of 10 films you can use to avoid such mishaps in the future and help you move on with your life a lot quicker.
10. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (James Cameron, 1991) – Robots. Lasers. Fire. Linda Hamilton in sweatpants. Skulls. Explosions. Robert Patrick running faster than the speed of sound. Eddie Furlong screaming like a little girl. Helicopters. There is something for everyone here.
9. Seven Samurai (Akira Kurosawa, 1954) – Here lies the ultimate test. A three-hour samurai epic, in black and white. If subtitles or black and white annoy them, this will steer them away quickly. You don’t want anyone in your life that doesn’t like this Kurosawa masterpiece.
8. (Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song ( (Melvin Van Peebles, 1971) – If your special someone can handle the first 10 minutes of Melvin Van Peebles’ 1971 classic, you got yourself a keeper.
7. Dr. Strangelove… ((Stanley Kubrick, 1964) – Nuclear Bombs, especially in today’s politically challenged climate, are funny. So is George C. Scott. And Peter Sellers.
6. Boogie Nights ( (Paul Thomas Anderson, 1997) – The minute your date claims that this movie is about porn, you’ll know he or she cares nothing about family.
5. Oldboy ( (Park Chanwook, 2003) – Sometimes, love will survive through any storm. Or hammer blow. Or teeth-pulling by way of hammer.
4. John Carpenter’s The Thing ( (John Carpenter, 1982) – If your future spouse doesn’t appreciate the hefty beard Kurt Russell is sporting, or the gore-a-plenty, show them your front door.
3. Audition ( (Takashi Miike, 1999) – Finally, a movie on this list that actually has something to do with dating… sort of. The last act of this film is the ultimate test of love. I actually don’t even know what that means.
2. Requiem for a Dream ( (Darren Aronofsky, 2000) – An hour and forty minutes of watching four characters destroy themselves over an over again. What’s not to like?
1. Happiness ((Todd Solondz, 1998) – The following immortal father-son exchange is one that the world of cinema will probably never conquer:
(Son) Billy: Would you ever fuck me?
(Dad) Bill: No… I’d jerk off instead.
That wacky Solondz.
Posted on February 10, 2009 in Features by Michael Ferraro
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