Huh? Wha? Is it over? The film industry’s annual self-congratulatory shot of televised morphine finally ended after nearly 4-and-a-half hours of filler. “Alias” got pre-empted for this? What the hell happened? Has the telecast’s new home in the Kodak theatre drained the last bit of entertainment value to be had out of the show? I probably would have slept right through the end of this funeral procession if Halle Berry hadn’t thrown herself on the casket as it was (finally) lowered into the ground. My memory may be a bit hazy, but I don’t normally remember it normally taking nearly 4 hours for a celebrity to embarrass him or herself live in front of several hundred million people. About the only time I perked up was when a camera would pan to a shot of Uma Thurman’s mesmerizing décolletage, though it seemed Mrs. Ethan Hawke was the only one who wasn’t too good to wear a bra. I’ve got two words for Gwyneth Paltrow and a certain Best Supporting Actress winner: “undercarriage support.”
… but I digress. Every year I’ve got to bitch on this site about some piece of garbage that suckered in Academy voters and/or the public. Can you guess which one it is this year?
Get the rest of the story in part two of ONE MAN’S VIEW OF THE 2002 ACADEMY AWARDS -or- WHY “A BEAUTIFUL MIND” STILL SUCKS ASS>>>

Posted on March 25, 2002 in Features by

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