FILM THREAT’S FRIGID 50: THE COLDEST PEOPLE IN HOLLYWOOD (20-29)

20. GWYNETH PALTROW
On a recent “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” appearance, Conan gushed over this Hollywood brat and told her that she does such the most authentic British accent he’s ever heard. But when a clip from her latest film Possession was shown, she sounded like a first-year acting student at a community college. Bottom line — Gwyneth Paltrow can’t do a British accent to save her life. Why is it that no one else in Hollywood sees this?

21. STEVEN SPIELBERG
Sure, he’s a genius filmmaker who has made some awesome films. He even did justice to Stanley Kubrick’s vision in A.I.. But digitally erasing the guns in the re-release of E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial??? Christ!

22. HARRY BELAFONTE
It is one thing to have an intelligent disagreement with political philosophy, but for Belafonte to crudely compare Secretary of State Colin Powell’s position in the Bush Administration to that of a plantation slave in the Old South is an uncommon gaffe for the usually-articulate folk singer. Perhaps Belafonte slipped over a peel on the banana boat and fell on his head?

23. ALISON EASTWOOD
If she wasn’t Clint’s little girl, this talent-challenged cutie of the straight-to-video circuit (anyone remember Just a Little Harmless Sex?) would be lucky if she could get a job as an understudy in a Kansas City dinner theater. Talk about giving nepotism a bad name!

24. BARBRA STREISAND
In her self-ordained role as cheerleader for the uber-liberal branch of the Democratic Party, La Babs hasn’t been this badly miscast since “Hello, Dolly!” Pity she doesn’t get herself invited to Baghdad for yet another round of farewell concerts and a retro screening of “The Mirror Has Two Faces”…Saddam would be waving the white flag within hours.

25. NANCY PIMENTAL
It was the quintessential Hollywood story – a nobody in L.A. sells her first script for $1 million dollars and lands Cameron Diaz in the lead role. But the putrid piece of celluloid that resulted with The Sweetest Thing showed more of Pimental’s shallow nature than it did box office receipts. Her strongest credit before this was as a “South Park” staff writer, and her name is noticeably vacant from any big picture deals in the future. For her own sake, let’s hope that Pimental didn’t blow her million dollar paycheck on booze, wild times and maggoty steaks wrapped in aluminum foil swans.

26. ADAM SANDLER
He just can’t catch a break. Punch-Drunk Love was hailed by critics, but audiences stayed away in droves. The animated actor is coming to the screen in a cartoon Hanukkah that is not even being advertised as a movie about the Jewish holiday. Perhaps Hollywood marketing execs fear if they tell the public what the movie is really about, they’ll give this one the Punch-Drunk Love treatment.

27. PARKER POSEY
Where have you been?! We all miss you, Parker. Please make a movie. Any movie.

28. RICK BERMAN AND THE STAR TREK MOVIE FRANCHISE
We can’t wait for the new chapter in the Trek saga! This one is going to be sooooooooo coooooooool! Major characters die, there is a clone war and it’s going to be awesome! Kidding! Are any fans even bothering to wait in line for that new movie “Star Trek: Nemesis”? Anyone? Didn’t think so. Looks like the Star Trek movie franchise is now officially dead. Perhaps Rick Berman might consider retiring and putting the Trek franchise into more capable and imaginative hands. Like anyone else’s hands. Please!

29. MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY
Matthew “boxoffice death” McConaughey’s most recent films like The Wedding Planner, Frailty and Reign of Fire have done little to light up his downwardly spiraling career. Who knew that it would only be downhill after his amazing debut in Richard Linklater’s “Dazed and Confused” almost a decade ago?

Get the rest of the list in the next part of FILM THREAT’S FRIGID 50: THE COLDEST PEOPLE IN HOLLYWOOD>>>




Posted on November 26, 2002 in Features by

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