HOLLYWOOD EXPLAINED

With all the stress the Dances have bestowed upon us, we figured it’s high time for a few stupid jokes, so here you go…

Q: How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Executive Producers don’t screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

Q: How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.

Q: How many Studio Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: We don’t know. Light bulbs last longer than studio executives.

Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say, “I could’ve done that.”

Q: How many D.P.s does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. No, two. No… How many do we have on the truck?

Q: How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Does it have to be a light bulb? I’ve got this neat candle holder…

Q: How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If we change the light bulb, we’ll have to change everything.

Q: How many P.A.s does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine……..one to do it and eight others to wish they’d been asked.

Q: No really… How many P.A.s does it take to screw in a li…
A: Done!

Q: How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.

Q: How many Screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The bulb’s IN and it’s staying IN!

Q: How many 1st A.D.s does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Why the fuck are you asking me that

question? Can’t you see I’m busy?!

Q: How many U.P.M.s does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None! If you’d just make it a day exterior we wouldn’t be screwing around with all these damn light bulbs!

Q: How many casting directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Well, if I really had to choose, there’s this bulb, he’s a little oversized for the socket but he burns really bright, or there’s this little bulb, he is really energy efficient if you want to save time and money, or there’s a fabulous bulb I just saw in a showcase, he has no name value whatsoever, but the design was to die for!

Q: How many extras does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Is the light bulb S.A.G.? How did it get it’s card? Did it know someone?

Q: How many publicists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That is a total rumor. The light bulb has some very good friends, but at this time, is not interested in screwing.

Q: How many directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. The director holds the light bulb and the rest of the world revolves around him.

Q: How many prop masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Light bulb? Light bulb? The script doesn’t mention any light bulbs!

Q: How many union electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. You got a problem with that?




Posted on January 16, 2003 in Features by

Buffer


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