MOVIES ON THE BRAIN: “S.W.A.T.”

1:07 – The director of photography seems to love the fact that the suspect is lying on Alex Trebek’s Hollywood Star. Not sure what that means. Was Trebek a producer? Is he the uncle of a lighting guy?

1:08 – One thing movies never seem to get the right feel of – TV news.

1:10 – OK, I just love the phrase “Let’s get this frog in the bird”. This may become my new slogan for life.

1:13 – Dan Rydell is acting kind of funny. Maybe he is having some more issues with his father that need to be worked out over the course of season in therapy. Have I mentioned how much I loved “Sports Night”?

1:16 – Based on the coordination and skill demonstrated by LA street gangs in this ambush, they must have been training for months despite the fact they couldn’t have started planning this more than 24 hours ago. I’m going to tune out and think about the ambush scene in “Clear and Present Danger” for the duration.

1:17 – Hopefully there will be a repairman to help them if they can’t find their way out of this basement.

1:20 – And there’s the ex-partner, out to avenge the wrong that was done to him in the first 15 minutes of the movie. Breaking up is the hardest thing to do. Perhaps Colin Farrell could have said, “It’s not you. It’s me. I just need to work some things out.” This always helps to soften the blow.

1:23 – Does anyone else have a band they like but can never remember they like? For me this is Simon & Garfunkel or Paul Simon solo. Whenever I am looking for music to listen to I’m always surprised to find these discs in my collection. Yes, I occasionally forget I’ve bought things. This is not a sign of any mental disability. Really.

1:27 – They keep going deeper into subway tunnels and sewers and I keep wondering when they’re going to come across the river of pink slime.

1:28 – I miss “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer”. I didn’t start watching it until the seventh season thanks to the persistence of my brother-in-law but have caught up with the DVDs. “Angel” is good, but it’s not “Buffy”.

1:29 – That, my friends, was a shitload of bats. Shouldn’t they be off somewhere providing a symbol to a young man of how he will beat back the criminal world?

1:33 – I’m officially declaring this movie beyond me. It’s staggering disregard for plot, writing and character development coupled with the deadly serious tone with which it takes itself have pushed me into a stupor. I’m just sitting here with my mouth hanging open. The drool should start any moment now.

1:37 – At least Colin Farrell’s American accent is better in this movie than it was in “Phone Booth.” It sounded like he had some sort of speech disorder. Very distracting in an otherwise perfectly fine movie by Gus Van… I mean Joel Schumacher. Damn. Dear Mr. Van Sant,….

1:38 – Apparently the captain is not, at this time, “feeling” Samuel L. Jackson. Just thought I’d keep everyone updated.

1:44 – If there is one positive about Warren Beatty’s version of “Dick Tracy,” it’s the set design. Also, Al Pacino’s performance is just not to be believed. I still can’t find the words to describe it.

1:48 – I hate fights in train yards. You’re just waiting for the shot of the two guys pummeling each other as the train approaches. You know, like the one that just happened. I hate fights in train yards.

Parting Thoughts – Is it bad when you can’t even formulate an opinion of a movie? I could have not watched it and felt the exact same way I do having seen it. Colin Farrell continues to do his best to look bad while looking good and Michelle Rodriguez is given nothing whatsoever to do. Putting in a Frenchman as the bad guy was interesting, but I couldn’t shake the notion that he’d rather be sleeping.

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Chris Thilk has an easier time remembering lines from movies he hasn’t seen in five years than he does the birthdays of people close to him. For this column this is actually a good thing. He is easily scared by snakes, low-clearance bridges and the rantings of weblog writers.

Posted on February 8, 2004 in Features by Chris Thilk

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