FOOTAGE FETISHES: “WEIRD SCIENCE”

“First I’d like to…butter your muffin.”
The bikers are vanquished, the bullies sent on their way, and furniture still floats in the pond outside. Our heroes have retired to the bedroom with Deb and Hilly – with chastity intact, it would seem (Garry’s and Wyatt’s, I can’t speak for the girl) – for both couples can be seen blissfully slumbering away fully clothed as Chet returns.
For a guy who’s just discovered snow in his bedroom and a Pershing missile in his kitchen, Chet handles everything with remarkable aplomb. Trouble is, he’s still Chet, and his abuse of Wyatt elicits Lisa’s fearsome wrath. When the boys return from dropping off the girls, they discover she’s turned Chet into what appears to be a giant, talking turd. Such a Kafka-esque transformation would be enough to make anyone see the errors of their ways, and Chet confesses to Wyatt that he loves him and will cease all bullying (if only Lisa had been around when I was in middle school). Lisa also magically repairs the party/paranormal magnetic storm damage to the house just as Wyatt’s parents pull up (if only Lisa had been around when I was in high school). Cue Oingo Boingo song.
John Hughes doesn’t direct movies anymore, something else to hang on the critical flogging of “Curly Sue,” I guess. He still writes – if “Baby’s Day Out,” “Maid in Manhattan,” and the seemingly endless series of “Beethoven” movies counts – but Hughes seems content to wash his hands of the teen genre that made him famous. It’s just too bad he couldn’t have moved on to something other than inane romantic comedies or dismal straight to video sequels.
Remake My Day
“Weird Science” reappeared as a TV series in the early 1990’s, signifying Hollywood’s one billionth appropriation of old source material for the purpose of wringing some new money out of it. If I was in charge of remaking this, I’d do it as more of a horror film, and try to tie it in with the “Re-Animator” franchise. Garry and Wyatt (played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Ethan Embry) could be interns working with Dr. Herbert West (Jeffrey Combs, of course), who’s forced to work the “graveyard shift” (get it?) at Shermer General Hospital thanks to the disgraces of his past research. Using West’s medical techniques and Garry and Wyatt’s computer know-how, the three end up resurrecting, and enhancing, a series of hot dead chicks. That is, until Lisa (Julie Strain) returns to foil their nefarious scheme.
And Barbara Crampton can play Wyatt’s mom.
Go ahead and talk to Pete about his “Footage”>>>




Posted on February 12, 2004 in Features by
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