Crappy Movie Confessions

[KevinCarr]

I just spent more than $11 to rent the DVD of "Van Wilder." Why? Because I'm an idiot.

I've done this before... picked up a DVD on a whim. What the heck? It's only $1.50 at the local video store. I'll watch it in the evening and get it back the next day...

...but I don't. I end up falling asleep, or my 2 year old demands to watch "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh" for the 17,403rd time, and I give in. What the heck? I'll just pay another $1.50 rental and return it the next day. That's $3.00 to rent the movie, which is still less than Blockbuster prices.

But this cycle keeps happening, and I end up keeping the movie for the better part of a week, just NOT watching it but refusing to return it because I'm already spending money on it.

I finally knuckled down and watched "Van Wilder" last night. It sucked hard. I returned it today and forked over $11.

The worst part is that whenever I do this, it ends up being a total CRAP movie. It happened with "The Master of Disguise," "fear dot com" and "Deep Blue Sea." I'm better off buying previously viewed DVDs for $10-$12! But who wants to actually own these movies???

Am I the only one who falls into this cycle of stupidity?

Any other confessions about crappy movies out there?

[Seedy Edgewick]

I'll confess to renting crappy movie after crappy movie. But I have an even worse confession to make:

I like them.

Malibu's Most Wanted made me laugh. So did The New Guy, Van Wilder, Deuce Bigalow ("Don't make me he-bitch man-slap ya!"), Tommy Boy, Beverly Hills Ninja, and Zoolander. I must really be stupid.

I don't know which is worse: laughing at the above crap, or NOT laughing at the flick that's supposed to be good: Run Ronnie Run. I mean, c'mon! The Mr. Show guys make a movie! I think Bob Odenkirk and David Cross are really fucking funny, and I loved their show on HBO. But that flick SUCKED. I barely laughed at it, and even Nikki Cox in a bikini couldn't hold my interest.

I think it's time for another Ichi the Killer screening.

[El Duderino Diablo]

Originally posted by Seedy Edgewick

I think it's time for another Ichi the Killer screening.

I'll second that!

[Pete Vonder Haar]

Bad news about "Run, Ronnie, Run." But Bob and David said as much on their web site.

[mruzick3]

I have to admit my wife and I watched 'Deuce Bigalow' and laughed our asses off. There's just something about a crappy movie that you can just turn your brain off and laugh out loud about a moron throwing his career in the shitter.

But I do feel for you about spending so much on crap rental fees. It's such a feeling of futility when you look over to the clock and find that it is past that cryptic time schedule that only movie rental stores and banks keep. I mean, who really turns in movies at noon....or at eight o'clock for that matter?

I remember having a tremendous bill for 'The Thomas Crown Affair' (the remake.) I really wouldn't have minded owning that one (I like Rene Russo, what can I say?) but now I'll never buy it because of the money that I shelled out for it already. Live and learn, right?

_________________
Mike Ruzicka

[KevinCarr]

There are tons of crappy movies that are really funny. Almost anything by Renny Harlin is a celluloid piece of crap, but I generally like them. (Although I couldn't even try to stomach "Driven.")

Other crappy movies that I liked include "Starship Troopers," "The Hot Chick" (Anna Faris made it all worth it) and a bunch of the Earnest movies.

... a momemt of silence for Jim Varney...

[Gorillaboss]

Originally posted by KevinCarr

... a moment of silence for Jim Varney...


We lost a God Among Men when Mr. Varney passed.

Just ask Mr. Vonder Haar about how moved I was when he left us.

(No, I am NOT being ironic or snarky.)

[Pete Vonder Haar]

Oh, he was, he was. Wrote a eulogy for him and everything.

Sadly, there was no "Varney Memorial Movie Night" to commemorate his passing.

[automanic]

Say what you want about Jim Varney, but in Ernest Goes to Jail, he did the funniest impersonation of James Mason doing a Jimmy Cagney impersonation I've ever seen.

"You're the one that killed my brother, and I'm the one that's going to destroy you."

[automanic]

"Dirty Work" was a really bad movie, but hilarious. I've seen it like 20 times.

And people talk shit about "Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey," but you've gotta love Bill Sadler as Death with a Swedish accent a la "The Seventh Seal."

[Tobester]

Kung Pow has me rolling on the floor everytime... but I'm still not sure...is it crappy or is it genius? Oh well I liked it a lot, guess that's all that counts.

[Eric Campos]

I actually like Mortal Kombat 2...

[ny_pitbull]

the first 4 steven seagal flicks,i know worthy of some caning with that admission,but for some reason the pre-lard ass seagal flicks always caught my attention.

[loconav]

I can't rent movies around where I live. I owe every fucking store late fees. I just have a problem returning movies on time. Now I just buy every movies I watch.

[Vintango]

Originally posted by Tobester
Kung Pow has me rolling on the floor everytime... but I'm still not sure...is it crappy or is it genius? Oh well I liked it a lot, guess that's all that counts.

Kung Pow is amazing, I was laughing tears of joy the first time I saw it. Not everyone "gets it" though, like all the intentional continuity errors. The commentary is great, early on they point out that a few reviews criticized the bad dubbing. Ah...see, that was the joke...

And I think Freddy Got Fingered was great. There, I said it.

[KevinCarr]

I thought Kung Pow was pretty bad, but it definitely had its moments (like the old Chinese guy massaging his master's breasts to help heal him).

The funniest thing, though, is on the DVD. They have original dialogue from the actors that shot additional footage. They made nonsense phrases in English so they had something to dub over. It's a hoot.

[Last Resort Man]

Originally posted by Eric Campos
I actually like Mortal Kombat 2...

I liked BOTH Mortal Kombat films. Great fights, fun films.
You know Mortal Kombat 2 opened up as the #1 movie in THE COUNTRY it's opening weekend?!?! With NO big ad campaign.:confused:

[Kuato]

i work at a small video store and we make it a point to watch the worst movies made...

we've gone through Boat Trip, The Hot Chick, Daddy Day Care, Eight Crazy Nights, Justin and Kelly.... and you can guess that they were the worst of the worst
funny thing is - those are always the ones that people come in to rent!

[Eric Campos]

I just got done watching the first Charlie's Angels movie...in the nude...

[Rory L. Aronsky]

And was it a different experience watching it in the nude? Oh wait...I may not want to know that.

[Eric Campos]

Some things are better left to my handy dandy webcam.

[Bernard Shakey]

You guys should really try netflix to rent dvds, to avoid late fees and such.

[The Baron]

A truly crappy movie confession, and one that I have doubts that anyone here may have seen: "Zombie vs. Ninja"!!!!!

This little gem is more than one crappy movie... It's TWO crappy movies edited together.

It seems that a company in either New Zealand or Australia bought a bad Hong Kong chop-socky flick about a martial arts master in feudal China who uses the dead as mercenaries and sparring partners. This is spliced in with footage of Occidentals, circa 1980s, and dubbed with a story of blackmail and murder. Incidentally, all the Chinese characters are redubbed with really WASP-ish names. (The hero's name is Ethan.)

Watch for the infamous "I've never watched anyone take a sh*t before" scene.

I've only found it at the Odyssey Video in North Hollywood. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll curse my name if the rental is more than 99 cents.

[saccharine]

the thing i find very interesting is that i can sit down and watch a shit film on tv or even sometimes as a rental and i enjoy meself.

like Malibu's most wanted, not particularly a good film i wouldnt say, haha. none the less i enjoyed the hell out of myself watching this next to friends at home. however had i seen this in the theatre it would have sucked hardcore and i more than likely would have left the theatre pissed. for some reason more films are pissing me off nowadays than not. kill bill and elf are the only two that come to mind that havent sent me in a blind rage for awhile (i havent seen master and commander yet).

anyhow, ive heard a similar thing from several friends of mine. anyone care to divulge on why this would be? i have my theories but i want yours first :)

[Bryan]

Kung Pow was great, haha. I especially liked when the director said the girl talked too much in the original footage and he didn't have anything for her to say, so he just made up that noise. Weoweoweoweo-waahhhh! That's just good shit.

It's so terribly awful and yet so brillantly funny!

[Zebo]

All right, here's the worst of the worst:
I am the only known mortal in the universe to actually enjoy Blair Witch 2.
As silly as it is, as horrible as it is, it almost -- just almost -- has something -- somewhere between satire/parody and actual horror, and fool that I am, I actually enjoy it.
Ah hell. No one's going to love me now.:)

[automanic]

Originally posted by Zebo
All right, here's the worst of the worst:
I am the only known mortal in the universe to actually enjoy Blair Witch 2.

Okay, it's not easy for me to admit this, but... Blair Witch 2 actually really creeped me out, which is pretty rare for me. I know it's a crappy movie, and I was cracking jokes and laughing at the preposterous bullshit in front of me the whole time, but when it was over... I don't know, something about it struck a nerve.

There. I said it. Make fun of me all you want.

[Jason]

I liked blair witch 2 also. I saw it on dvd so like the other guy said maybe in the theatre I would have hated it.
I also saw the hot chick on hbo the other day and it was so awful but I laughed at all the "I'm rob schneider but really I am a girl" jokes. adam sandler should have let someone else be the rasta dude it was some of the most painfully unfunny moments in comedy Ive ever seen.

[truepictures]

This is not a confession. I just wanted to say that I want to get my money back from when i watched BULLETPROOF MONK. Worst movie ever. EVER!

[GiGi]

Here Here! Van Wilder dos suck a big, crusty, runny, scabby one.
But! I did find the Mr. Show guys movie some funny. Was it as good as Mr. Show? No way. But got a crack up over seeing things like Mandy Patankin singing "can't a man control his bitch with violence." Odenkirk went to MY University BTW, so we all love him here.

[The Baron]

Originally posted by truepictures
This is not a confession. I just wanted to say that I want to get my money back from when i watched BULLETPROOF MONK. Worst movie ever. EVER!

Yeah, I know what you mean. I walked out of the theatre and told my friend that I wanted two hours of my life back.

Chow must have needed a house payment.

[VidVicious]

Cool, I'm not the only one who disliked Van Wilder. Some guy loaned it to me, and told me it was one of the greatest movies of all time. So I didn't lose any money off o f this, just 2 hours of my life.
I wrok at a movie theater so I don't really fork over any cash to see bad movies, if I'm curious (Grind, Master of Disguise) I'll catch a couple of minutes, so if I don't hate it I'll watch it.

[bizzlejig]

CRAPPY MOVIES THAT I LIKE:

TOYS – Everyone else hated this movie, but I think its mixture of visuals, music, and social commentary was actually quite satisfying.

THE ADVENTURES OF FORD FAIRLANE – This is one of my all-time favorites. I still don’t understand why everyone hated it when it came out in the theaters. I have yet to talk to anyone who hasn’t liked this movie. Great musical score by the German group Yello, and a great little performance by Mr. Robert Englund as a villain with 9 lives.

SORORITY BOYS – Thought this one was going to suck big time. I’m a big fan of Harland Williams, so I had to watch it. And quite frankly, it was hilarious. Bad, but hilarious. And there was obviously some connection between this movie and ANIMAL HOUSE (still not sure, probably had one of the same producers or something) cuz there were a LOT of cameos by that movie’s cast.

KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE – Just classic in every sense of the word.

HUDSON HAWK – Honestly, what was so freakin’ bad about this movie? I thought it was pretty neat and clever.

And

SHOWGIRLS – One of the absolute greatest films ever made. This generation’s ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. My wife and I watch this movie all the time and add our own dialogue. And every person we’ve shown it to has totally fallen in love with it.

I know there’s more I can add to this list cuz I absolutely love “bad” movies. I guess I’m just able to watch them with a less critical eye, I don’t know. I’ll update this list later when I get home and can look through all the so-called “crappy” DVDs I own.

[Foddre]

I always go to Blockbuster or Hollywood to partake in the deals -- you know, buy 2 movies get 1 free or buy 2 movies for $20 -- and, in order to get a great movie in the deal, I also got some hooorrible ones.

Like Levity and Abandon

That's about it. Those deals at Blockbuster and Hollywood are sweet, though, if you're too impatient to wait for Amazon or whatnot. (I got like Gangs of NY and Punchdrunk for like $20 wtf.)

[The Baron]

Originally posted by Foddre
I always go to Blockbuster or Hollywood to partake in the deals

Well, yeah... I know I always like getting my movies from a place that edits their videos for content (Blockbuster). Why get a movie with all that really offensive stuff in it?

Supporting Blockbuster is supporting censorship.

[Foddre]

Groan. You take yourself too seriously.

Like Blockbuster edits anything from Punchdrunk Love, Gangs of NY, Frida, Secretary. I don't see the reason in being a snob about it; if the movie hasn't been tainted and I get a cheap deal, what's the big deal?

Like, I agree that Blockbuster blows, they have shit selection and whatnot, but you're being way excessive and haughty. Get some perspective.

If you want to be that judgmental and take it thaat far, I can always pigeonhole you based on your dorky-irrational post:

Rahh Corporations suck! I only shop at Whole Foods and exclusively watch Indie movies bc it's hip to not be mainstream Rahh down with the GAP

Lame.

[El Duderino Diablo]

Sorry but I have to agree with Baron. Although it's unlikely Ballbuster would edit anything from those particular videos (though I wouldn't have expected Secretary to be entirely left intact) they have a history of editing movies of percieved "offensive" material and I think it's safe to say that that practice pretty much offends near every movie fanatic on this board. In fact I daresay we all find it a pretty foul business, indeed.
Thus, just buying a bag of Twizzlers from Ballbuster is a sign of support for their odious ways. In a manner of speaking.
:shrug:
Probably everyone on this board has a Ballbuster membership that they used once or twice. 'Course I personally haven't used mine in several years for the aforementioned reasons.


EDIT: And speaking of deals, I just picked up Lone Wolf and Cub: Sword of Vengeance at my local indy store for $15 bucks less than my favourite discount DVD retailer. I'm willing to bet Ballbuster doesn't even carry that title much less sell it at such a deal. ;)

[Foddre]

It's amazing how willing ppl are to identify with someone's [alternate] messages when they isn't saturated in condescending, indignant gehness.

But, yeah. I agree they probably don't. Everything about their selection and editing *is* ridiculous. Their foreign section is the worst thing I have ever seen. Their new releases are usually putrid. However, I'm not going to go so far to the left that I will ignore good deals and pay more somewhere else.

That isn't to say I don't support indie stores like Vulcan or even I Love Video (indie compared to Block). In fact, when renting, Vulcan is the best place to go, and I fully support those stores and independant directors > much else.

Still it doesn't bother me to buy sweet deals at Blockbuster occasionally. I'd say, it's only $20 but then everyone would start yelling. Of course, I also shop at HEB, Albertsons, Barnes and Noble, Halfprice bks, the GAP and, when I can afford it, buy coffee at Starbucks. There, I said it. Throw your childish idealisms at me.

Anyway, I can certainly respect someone ignoring Block/Hollywood altogether and wish I had the willpower and perhaps funds to do so as well.