Gwynnie's Preggers!

[Ellen M.]

Okay, the Michael Jackson pedophilia thing is old news, so I just have to rant a bit about the latest bit of Hollywood gossip (even though our buddy CG HATES Hollywood gossip)...

I now have ANOTHER reason to hate Gwyneth Paltrow!... Yep, not only is she pregnant with boyfriend Chris Martin's
baby (and has no plans to marry), but she'll probably be beautiful & radiant through the whole thing, make it look totally easy, not show until the 7th month, and then pop right back into a size 2 after the baby arrives! Ah yes, the joys of being trendy & having an illegitimate celebrity love-child!...

Anyone else wanna back me up on this one?
Or am I "Bitter, party of one!"...?
Ellen
:confused:

[Furious D]

Originally posted by Ellen M.
Anyone else wanna back me up on this one?
Or am I "Bitter, party of one!"...?
Ellen
:confused:

;) Well, you are very, very bitter. But that doesn't make you wrong.

You made some good points. But you missed something. She will not actually be doing things so perfectly. She will only appear to be doing things perfectly.

She's got an army of personal assistants, make-up artists, fashion designers, personal trainers, yogic masters, and god knows what else who are dedicated to creating the illusion of the 'perfect stars' supposedly 'perfect life.'

Off camera she could be retaining enough water to float a battleship and have flatulence that could sear the hair off a yak, but we'll never see it on the cover of PEOPLE magazine. Her phalanx of publicists will make sure of that.

As for her boyfriend. Well, we have a saying about his band COLDPLAY. "We liked them better when they were called RADIOHEAD." But don't get me started on them.

[Ellen M.]

Right On Furious D!
Thanks for validating the "illusion of perfection" thing... in fact, I bet Calvin Klein & Vera Wang are busy designing her entire maternity wardrobe as we speak... Gag!

I'm not bitter, but I do hope the bitch gets varicose veins, stretch marks & hemmoroids
the size of golf balls... no really, I'm not bitter!

And maybe "Coldplay" will do an album of lullabies!... heh!

Ellen :p

[Ricky Retardo]

Well, you can always hope that none of that works and then she won't need the prosthetics for the much-anticipated sequel to "Shallow Hal".

[Reverend Ned]

Originally posted by Ellen M.
And maybe "Coldplay" will do an album of lullabies!... heh!

As if their shit dosn't already put people to sleep...

[Ellen M.]

Well, well... Looks like those crazy kids went & eloped! And they were able to keep it a secret (unlike BenLo & Tiger Woods). Maybe someday Princess Gwyneth will get the Big Fat Hollywood Wedding of her dreams!...

Anyone want to guess how long this will actually last?... I'm guessing 10 minutes... and that's after the baby arrives!

Ellen ;)

[Furious D]

Originally posted by Ellen M.

Anyone want to guess how long this will actually last?... I'm guessing 10 minutes... and that's after the baby arrives!

Ellen ;)

Aren't we being cynical? ;)

You should look at all the successful Hollywood marriages like Elizabeth Taylor & Richard Burton, Drew Barrymore & Tom Green, Elizabeth Taylor & Larry Fortensky, Carmen Electra & Dennis Rodman, Liza Minelli & David Guest, Elizabeth Taylor & Mike Todd, Angelina Jolie & Bill-Bob Thornton, Nicolas Cage & Lisa Marie Presely, and let's not forget Elizabeth Taylor & Richard Burton II. Don't they prove that love can make it?

Love springs eternal in Hollywood. Too bad common sense fails to bloom in the rich fertilizer of La-La Land.

Maybe I'm just a romantic at heart, but I predict the marriage will last until Gwyneth listen's to her new hubby's music & says: "Is it just me, or did Radiohead get really sucky lately?"

[Ellen M.]

You kill me Furious D!
Yep, the precedent for happy Hollywood marriages has definitely been been set. Gwynnie will have lots of mentors to turn to for advice!

Actually, they're being really PC by getting married "post-oops". Or maybe she thought that the only way to tear him away from his fabulous music career & get him to marry her, was to get pregnant?

I mean all of the cool, unconventional Hollywood types just go for the "child-out-of-wedlock / co-parenting" thing. Like Helena Bonham Carter & Tim Burton... since she was recently quoted as saying how romantic she thinks it is to have his illegitemate baby & live next door to each other in London... GAG!

I guess if I was a celeb with loads of $, I could afford to make stupid choices and still seem cool!... Then again, I like being firmly rooted in my middle-class, bourgeoius reality... 'cause I'm all about keepin' it REAL!

Ellen
;)

[Ellen M.]

And I know our fearless leader CG's just sitting there reading this going, "WHO CARES?"!... And he does have a point...

Celebrity foibles are pretty damn ridiculous & not really newsworthy (although they are entertaining)! Don't get me started on Ozzy's latest troubles...heh!
Ellen

[Pete Vonder Haar]

I predict Mrs. and Mr. Paltrow's child will be pale of complexion, blond, and rather homely.

Just like the parents.

As for Ozzy's latest...troubles, I think Warren Ellis said it best:

"WHO the FUCK let OZZY on a QUAD BIKE?"

[Furious D]

I think the reason people like to bitch about celebs and especially when they screw up or act or talk like a chimp with a head injury, is that we like to see people who are richer, and therefore better, than us trip up. ;)

To paraphrase (or bastardize) John Cleese: Present a man with a nervous twitch and the IQ of a turnip and he's homeless, it's a tragedy. Make him a billionaire or head of the secret service and it's comedy.

Why do you think anyone's even remotely interested in watching that vaccuous exo-skeleton Paris Hilton without the 40 minute download. It makes common folk feel better about themselves.

Besides, from what I hear Gwynnie has to do something to distract attention from that awful Sylvia movie she made.

[Ellen M.]

Once again Furious D, I totally agree with you.

And here's a few reasons why...

A - If I supposedly molested young boys, my ass would've been thrown in jail years ago.

B - If I got pregnant by a boyfriend & eloped, I'd be a seen as a social pariah (or a naughty girl), and would most likely be living in a trailer park in Florida.

C - If I was a palsied, recovering alcoholic / drug addict, who crashed an ATV, people would say, "Why'd you even let her get behind the wheel?", or, "Who gives a shit?".

Ahhh, the perils of being an ordinary person!
Oh well, at least if I fuck up, it's not in the tabloids the next day! Perhaps these mega-celebs (who really are no better than the rest of us) really DO get what they deserve when they engage in completely stupid or illegal activities!?...

Ellen M.