We here at FILM THREAT love to spread the word of lesser known films to not only inform you guys of what’s going on out there in the true indie world, but to also help filmmakers draw more attention to their projects.
Well…every once in a while we get an email from a filmmaker that has us scratching our heads here. So, for your reading pleasure, here’s the latest email treat in its entirety -
Dear Friend (hope I’m not being too presumptuous, but you’re like a very unique brother and/or sister to me):
A couple years back, two “filmmakers” approached me about shooting a documentary of my life on the Citizens on Patrol unit. Jason and Shane Morris were likable enough fellows. At first, I thought they had been married under the laws of Hawaii, but they owe their shared last name to the fact that they have a common mother and father.
I thought long and hard about whether or not I wanted my life taped for the world to see. I am usually an intensely private man, though my virginity at the age of twenty-five is not self-imposed. I am also a man who faces danger day in and day out. You see, my daddy, who is Sheriff of our town (the John family actually has sheriffs dating back to prehistoric times), created the Citizens on Patrol program to allow people to volunteer their services in the prevention and detection of crime. Our primary role is to report crimes to the quote unquote real police. We’re like neighborhood watch, but we get to wear a uniform. And, like I always tell my lawyer, if they’re going to let me wear a uniform, then they better not act surprised when I carry a firearm and arrest people. It’s that simple.
So, could these two lightweights follow me around even when the sloppy stuff hit the fan? I wasn’t in the Nam, but I know what it means to be in the shit. The last thing I needed was a couple of FNGs getting in my way.
Lo and behold, twelve vanilla milkshakes later, I was signing a release form and inviting them to my wedding (should that event ever take place).
The result was “C.O.P. Tales,” a short documentary that follows me around as I battle crime and defend the innocent with my Honda Civic (the budget for the C.O.P. program isn’t that hot, so I drive my personal vehicle). What did I think of the film? The music basically rocks.
So, check it out for yourself at www.livingroomtheatre.com. The Morris boys have a bunch of films over there. There’s one about Hitler working at a dot com and a guy who’s scared of robots. Oh yeah! And one where a one-armed kid takes his road test, which I guess is funny unless you’re the kid with one arm, though I did have a cousin with one arm and he was the best ping pong player I ever met.
And remember: Crime does not pay. Stay in school for the big bucks.
Your BFFL, ^ Officer Christopher Paul John
I actually get frightened when i start pondering the possibilites of what “BFFL” can mean, so I’ll stop right now.
You might wanna check this out.
Posted on August 26, 2002 in News by Film Threat Staff
If you liked this article then you may also like the following Film Threat articles:
- ERROL MORRIS BRANCHING OUT
- CONTEST! GET YOUR HANDS ON KING KONG’S HAIRY GOODS!
- COVER YOUR NAKED BODY WITH SOME “STEPFORD WIVES”
- JIM MORRIS: LIFELONG FITNESS
- STREAMING CINEMA 2.0
Popular Stories from Around the Web