Year Released: 1998
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 92 minutes
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Back in the days when I did reviews for the late, great Film Threat Video Guide – a moment of silence, please – I had an unwritten rule. If a movie was shot on film, as opposed to video, I’d automatically give it at least a “1” rating. “Barn of the Blood Llama” was shot mostly on Super 8 film. It also has a cool name. That combined with the fact that we here at FTW operate on a five-star scale accounts for all of “Llama’s” 1/2 star rating, because I can’t think of another single good thing to say about it.
If a gun was at my head and I had to come up with a plot summary, it’d be something like: Jug and Gibby, a couple of inbred hillbillies, trap a variety of poorly-acting passersby at their World O’ Wool Llama farm. There, an equally irritating animal coroner is conducting genetic experiments on said llamas; experiments which turn them into sex-starved toxic beasts. Stupid effects and nudity-less animal sex scenes ensue.
Believe me, it wasn’t as interesting as it sounds. In fact, most underground films like this are more interesting to read about than to actualy see. This was such an awful, pointless, confusing mess, I’m not even sure that really was the plot. I actually considered giving “Llama’s” a negative star rating, except that I’m afraid the filmmakers would somehow turn that to their twisted advantage. Avoid this one at all costs!
Posted on April 27, 1998 in Reviews by Merle Bertrand
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