THE FOUND FOOTAGE FESTIVAL, VOLUME 5

5 Stars
Year Released: 2010
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 90 minutes
Click to Expand Credits:

Joe Pickett and Nick Prueher, the self-proclaimed “Champions of VHS,” are back on the road across the U.S. to bring you the newest in VHS gold found in yard sales and thrift stores. As usual the show leaves you dizzy from laughing at the machine gun of hilarious moments commented on with MST3K-like perfection by Joe and Nick. The formula of insanely odd and funny video montages mixed with the two host’s personalities makes for one of the most fun nights you can have for 20 bucks. I can’t stress enough what a good date night this show can be.

As a bonus, a screening of Heavy Metal Parking Lot has been added to the show in honor of it’s 25th anniversary. If you haven’t heard of it than that’s worth the price of admission. Filmmakers John Heyn (of the Howard Stern Show) and Jeff Krulik videotaped locals at a Judas Priest concert in Maryland in 1986 in an arena parking lot and since has been one of the most quoted documentary shorts ever. “Madonna’s a dick.”

Here are some other highlights from the exhaustingly funny montages compiled for this year’s show:

Ventriloquism
An uncomfortable montage of instructional videos on how to make your creepy doll talk. From one-on-one tutorials to entire stadiums of instructors staring at the camera repeating, over and over, words like, “Duh.” My favorite clip is of a creepy guy in a suit giving a church sermon while holding a black puppet, making the entire audience feel like they have been kidnapped for ransom; the oddest part about these clips is how overtly racist most of the puppets are.

Public Access
A collection of rest home entertainers that look like Mike Judge drawings. Shows include a singing cowboy, a fat old woman dancing to seduce a man to the tune of “He Loves A Full Girl” and lots of bible thumping. If you’re a fan of the series you’ll know that watching creepy people sing has always been a highlight of the FFF.

Seminars
A group of clips showcasing “experts” in the fields of love, reproduction and, of course, the bible. The funniest parts of these are the reaction shots from the slack-jawed crowd, always illustrating the seriousness of the lectures. One of the best clips is a preacher reading Prince lyrics off a sheet and describing his viewing of Purple Rain.

Let’s Work It Out
Workout videos! See the American Gladiators teach you the importance of warming up. See Jackie Stallone (Sly’s mom) rap. See Lou Ferrigno tell jokes to kids. See a CG-animated Barbie teach children how to do high kicks. See Cher teach you workout moves in a glitter body suit. See OJ Simpson teach you how to squeeze your buttocks from an airline seat. That’s not even half of the highlights.

Linda Blair’s How To Get Revenge
The title says it all. One of the creepiest videos in the show’s history as the former Exorcist star shows you the basics in screwing people over. From the ol’ water hose in the mail slot to how to properly let the air out of tires to putting your enemy’s name in “gay magazines.” This is one of the few collections where I morbidly want to see the rest of the tape.

Lying and Stealing
These are clips from videos Nick and Joe had to go the extra mile to acquire: A meat slaughterhouse video set to odd muzak. Training videos on how to spot shoplifters. A plumbing instructional using fake poo to illustrate clogging problems. And one of the highlights of every FFF: It Only Takes A Second, a collection of scenes of people getting hurt on the job. Who knew there were so many ways to show somebody getting their hand cut off by a metal press?

Hunting Calls
Just like the title suggests, rednecks showing off to the camera various ways to imitate animal mating calls; each man required to either have a creepy porn mustache or a camouflage baseball cap. Out of context these clips just look like outtakes from Deliverance.

Spring Break ’85
Sort of a sequel to Heavy Metal Parking Lot. A series of clips of headbangers on the street so excited to see a camera that they leap at the chance to make complete jackasses of themselves. The cherry on top is the guys running the camera seem as clueless as their subjects.

Rent-A-Friend
The show has a new star and his name is simply, “Sam.” He talks to you, the viewer, and attempts to be your friend, but instead makes you completely uncomfortable by telling you personal stories about himself, attempting to stare into your livingroom, showing pictures from his yearbook and of his family as this tape slowly turns into a confessional from a possible serial killer.

Guy Stuff
More instructional videos. Knife throwing! Self defense through “speed”! How to tell dirty jokes! A doc on outlaw motorcycle gangs! Plus many more! And for some reason every year a penis gets put on screen as you are shown how to inject yourself to combat impotence -youch!

And the DVD has bonus material including Coming Attractions and my favorite thing in this year’s volume simply titled, “Modeling.” From child models to Denise Richards telling you all her secrets.

So call up the babysitter and get your tickets because the boys are making stops everywhere across the U.S.



Posted on March 1, 2011 in Reviews by
Buffer


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