SLASHERS

1.5 Stars
Year Released: 2002
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 100 minutes
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It’s a mixture of “The Running Man” and a walkthrough Halloween spook house, so how could’ve this gone wrong. Well, there’s quite a bit of MTV’s “The Real World” thrown in as well and that’s the third ingredient that certainly isn’t welcome to the party.
Like “The Running Man,” a select group of people is sent into a battlefield, so a live and televised audience can watch them defend themselves against trained killers. One of the differences is that these people aren’t convicts trying to win back their freedom, they’re money hungry morons who are putting their lives on the line to make some fat cash…something like millions of dollars or whatever. Another difference is that the trained killers chasing these greedy meatheads aren’t steroid fueled wrestler types, but instead are creeps you’d see roaming the corridors of your friendly neighborhood Halloween attraction – Chainsaw Charlie, The Preacherman and Dr. Ripper. I don’t need to describe these characters as their names pretty much say it all. Right now, you have a mental picture of what these guys are all about and you are correct, sir. And the last major difference is that there isn’t a decent host for the muderous reality television show called “Slashers.” There’s no Richard Dawson, but rather an uninteresting and even annoying young Japanese chick instead. You see, “Slashers” is supposed to be a reality show from Japan, so there’s a full Japanese crew working the show, including the host, cheerleaders, a DJ and even the audience is all Japanese, but for some reason, this specific episode features a selection of non-Japanese, English speaking contestants. I don’t know what the deal is with that, but hey, I was going along with it. All I wanted was a good, scary ride. So did I get it? Well, you can probably guess that from the rating I gave this clunker.
So, the contestants are sent out into the field, a large warehouse decked out with spooky lighting, a little fog and several shacks and mazes for everyone to go hog wild in. Yes, the budget on this film is very low and the sets appear to be created out of cardboard boxes, but once again, I’m in the Halloween mood and I just want to see some mindless carnage. Give me a proper spook show and I’m a happy camper. But instead, the contestants all pile up in one of the shacks and commence bickering at one another…for a very long time…and this is where we’re supposed to understand that these characters have some sort of depth, but will you give a damn? Ffffffrrrrrttttt……fuck no! I say, if you don’t have any Aunt Jemimah, don’t try and make fuckin’ pancakes. This film is equipped with neither the well-written script nor at least half decent actors to be able to pull off anything with any meaning. Despite your good intentions as a filmmaker, you always have to step back and realize what you’re working with. You don’t try and create endless scenes of rambling dialogue with a cast that can’t act and a script that’s fot for ass wiping…ESPECIALLY when you’re making a horror film called “Slashers” that’s supposed to be about a bunch of people being hunted down by bloodthirsty savages. I mean, what the fuck is everyone standing around, jabbering at each other for? RUN!!
There’re definitely moments in this film where you realize that something really cool could’ve been made. These moments capture the feel of a haunted attraction that are primed to slip you right into the Halloween mood, but then the fighting and bickering between the contestants starts up again and you just wish that everyone would shut the hell up. Seriously, it’s the abhorrent cast and the choice to hand them pages of dialogue that flushes this film straight down the toilet. These guys are better off on MTV’s “Road Rules” rather than a murderous reality show called “Slashers.”
On the back of my screener it reads – “Six contestants…three slashers…no rules!!” Too bad there wasn’t a NO BULLSHIT clause as well because then maybe this wouldn’t be a horror film that skimped on the horror.



Posted on October 11, 2002 in Reviews by
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