I DON’T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT

0.5 Stars
Year Released: 2011
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 89 minutes
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What I’d like to know is why they let her keep doing it. Did the suits responsible for green lighting this derivative dreck not see Sex and the City 2? If a movie ever offered irrefutable proof that the time had come to pull the plug on the Carrie Bradshaw character, that one provided it in spades. And yet here we are 13 years after Sarah Jessica Parker first voice-overed her way into the public consciousness being expected to find the same tired, manic tics endearing.

Sure, the name has been changed. The city too. But virtually every aspect of the actress’ performance here recycles every performance she’s given in the role that brought her fame. This time around, she’s a fortysomething Boston wife and mother of two by the name of Kate Reddy. Not helping matters is a time warp factor afflicting the script by 27 Dresses scribe Aline Brosh McKenna. The film’s creators seem to be under the impression Kate is the first movie mom to confront the challenge of juggling career and family. Where have these people been for the past 20 years?

Not in megaplexes, obviously. Wow, it’s just jaw dropping to watch Parker pretend this stuff is fresh. Not to mention funny. She brings a palpable desperation to please to scenarios which would have gotten sitcoms canceled several administrations ago.

For example: Early on, a typical day of multitasking finds her arriving home from a business trip late, clocking quilt-allaying face time with her direct-from-central-casting brood and flirting with her understanding, underemployed architect husband (Greg Kinnear in his thinnest role to date) only-once he’s out of the shower-to be found adorably fast asleep in her business suit on their bed. Cue the laugh track.

Things only get staler and more slapstick when she becomes involved with a generic Manhattan tycoon played by Pierce Brosnan in his thinnest role to date (and, yes, I own a copy of Mamma Mia). He’s a suave widower with the power to give Kate her big break in the financial management game. How lowbrow is the writing? The first time they confer it’s by video feed and, wouldn’t you know it, Brosnan signs on just as Parker is hiking up her skirt to adjust her pantyhose with her back to the video camera. Cue adorable, flustered blushing.

You can see where all this is headed fifteen minutes into the film and the single surprise along the way is the performance given by the usually winning Olivia Munn in the role of Kate’s assistant. She is not winning this time around. Admittedly, she’s not given a lot to work with. However, that doesn’t account for the disconcerting Kristen Wiig impression she appears to do through most of the movie. A: It’s not particularly amusing and B: Watching her has the unintended effect of reminding you that you could be home watching Bridesmaids on DVD instead.

There’s so much not to enjoy: Cutesy dialogue, cliché overload, pointless Office-style mockumentary interviews with characters, Douglas (Emma) McGrath’s style-free direction, the fact that players actually say “I don’t know how she does it” over and over again, wasted talent (Kinnear, Seth Meyers, Busy Philipps, Jane Curtin) and, perhaps most of all, Parker’s gratingly peppy, relentlessly insipid voice-overs.

There comes a not surprising moment when Kate commits to refocusing on her family. “Somehow, some way, someday,” she gushes, “things have to change.” I couldn’t agree more. For starters, Parker might try playing a character other than Carrie Bradshaw.



Posted on October 3, 2011 in Reviews by
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