1 Stars
Year Released: 1999
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 9 minutes
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Three women in skintight body suits writhing around a campfire are the opening images of W. Anthony Luna’s “The Kindred.” Unfortunately, it was all downhill from there. These “Sirens of Delphi” wriggle and gyrate all over The Overlord Tyrannus’ lap in a successful attempt to make a deal. They’ll give him control over the powerful “Shadow Warriors,” thus enabling him to defeat a rival warlord and taking as his prize the Lady Jihan, AKA “The Queen of Light.” In return, the warrior pawn will give the Sirens the son he and Jihan bear for them to raise for their own wicked purposes. “Sirens of Delphi.” “King Tyrannus.” “Shadow Warriors.” Uh, oh. Who gave the “Dungeons and Dragons” freaks a movie camera? Part of what makes “Hercules” and “Xena” at least watchable is that both shows have a knack for self-deprecation and tongue-in-cheek irreverence. Well, that and Xena’s wardrobe. Not this sucker, though. Filled with such melodramatic on-the-nose dialogue as, “Quick! I will drag thee to safety!” and “My destiny is mine to forge! I am the conqueror!”, “The Kindred” takes itself way, WAY too seriously. It doesn’t even tell a complete story. Instead, these nine minutes serve more like a prologue for the rest of a movie which we don’t get to see. Not that I’d particularly want to watch another eighty minutes of trite sword and sorcery nonsense such as “The Kindred.” Well, except for those Sirens…

Posted on October 11, 1999 in Reviews by

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