FAMILY VALUES

3.5 Stars
Year Released: 2001
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 25 minutes
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Becky and Donna are a lesbian couple living in the Philadelphia area. Donna, a cop, regales her significant other with the story of a particularly gruesome crime scene one night. This gives Becky the idea to start a company that specializes in crime scene restoration.
So begins “Family Matters,” the documentary featurette from Eva Saks. Becky operates the company and discusses such topics as Messiest Ways to Die (double buckshot is apparently pretty bad), Gummiest Body Parts (brain tissue), and Tools of the Trade (the steam cleaner from Home Depot is indispensable). We even get to see the team in action, cleaning blood and assorted suppuration from a toilet and bathtub. No word on whether the deceased was any relation to Jean-Paul Marat.
But just as we’re getting good and interested in the family business, Saks moves on to an interview with the couple, where they discuss some of the more mundane aspects of their lives. Frankly, I can’t decide if I was more horrified by the bathtub scene or Donna’s collection of Barbra Streisand memorabilia. Yow.
Then it ends. Clocking in at just under half an hour, “Family Matters” seems like a teaser reel for a larger feature, and one I wouldn’t have minded seeing. Unfortunately, Saks can’t seem to decide which aspect to focus on: the business or the couple. Ultimately, we’re left dissatisfied.
Except for the Streisand stuff. If I never see another piece of “Yentl”-related merchandise I’ll die a happy man.

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Posted on November 26, 2003 in Reviews by
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