3 Stars
Year Released: 2003
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 118 minutes
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Things that annoy me almost to the point of violence: cuckoo clocks, mini-vans with vanity plates, mini-vans in general, people who drive mini-vans, rhyming poetry, and movies that start out in a killer fashion and just plain blow it by the end.
Read my words, you adorable little indie filmmakers: Stop it with the submissions that are so fucking long your audience will hate you, no matter what, by the time the film is over. Say whatever you want – that’s fine. Say it in whatever medium you think works best – that’s also kosher. But what makes you SO VAIN, so presumptuous, taking it for granted that anyone watching your film would want to watch a tale that just *feels* even longer than “Gone With the” Goddamned “Wind?!?”
I mean … come on … really …
To give credit where it’s due, “Shade and Shadow” has some truly disturbing “Ring”-esque moments, some full frontal female nudity, some interesting acid-trippy camerawork, some decent dialogue, and some creepy music. It’ll also wind up in the underground classics section of various video stores, in a few years, that is, if Netflix hasn’t taken over the world by then.
“Shade and Shadow,” however, just does not meet my standards for acceptable filmmaking – passable filmmaking, yes, but not acceptable, because (insert sound of my foot stamping here) I just *know* it could have been better. IF someone had known how to edit and wrapped it all up at 75 minutes and if another disclaimer (other than the one already included that correctly stated: this demo version DVD features the uncut/unrated widescreen version without finishing touches to the picture, effects and sound and may vary from the final version) contained within mentioned that: if the viewer is not imbibing in some illegal substance, actual interest in the film may wane considerably. Also, purposeful mouth movements are out of sync with the dialogue, which works for a short time, and the film initially relies heavily on a bedtime story narrator, which is lost halfway through, regrettably.
Other than that, I could tell you that the story has something interesting to say overall, some underlying theme, but it doesn’t, at least not one that I can discern – the film’s real strength lies in individual moments, such as a terrifying porcelain masked hostess, a love-making shower sequence with nails that scream torture device, and a nightmare-inspiring sequence involving a cross between the midget from “Twin Peaks” and the Joker. Oh yeah? And did I mention there are boobies?

Posted on March 2, 2004 in Reviews by

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One Comment on "SHADE AND SHADOW"

  1. Gabriel Maitreya on Wed, 21st Mar 2012 11:53 pm 

    This was one of the first reviews the movie got. It was positive, but I still emailed them back to chew them out for letting this moron review my movie. If you HATE my films, fine. But dont bitch and moan because they dont compare to that perfect imaginary movie in your brain. And hate it for the right reasons. The MALE nudity far outweighs the female nudity in this movie, so BOOBIES aint at the top of the list if you’re over 12. But then again, this dumbass obviously reviewed a DVD screener of a fine work print (as in mostly done, but not 100%) and decided that the disclaimers were part of the movie. So yeah, you should consider that part of the movie and talk about it. What a fucking idiot. Plkus she rants and raves and stamps her little foot, then concedes and gives it 3 stars. Film school hipster loser. Throw a tantrum because someone else made the movie you wish you had? Then go so far as to suggest it could be made at (arbitraryu running time)? Film school nonsense. Stick with it, get your degree, and TEACH film. beacuse you will never MAKE film, you stupid fucking cunt. I’ll take an INTELLIGENT pan over an idiotic POSITIVE review ANY FUCKING DAY. Sorry but critics dont write checks, and if you’re going to sling your poo in a public forum your aim needs to be a LOT better. Plus I dont wish to impress or be taken into the fold of dipshits who watch MAGNOLIA and INCEPTION repeatedly and whose only ‘inisghts’ they are spitting up from other reviews and film classes.

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