0 Stars
Year Released: 2012
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 127 minutes
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Black Biscuit is a two hour and seven minute headache. At the time of writing this review, the film’s story was described on IMDb as “A group of misfit outsiders all face the difficult question of choosing between their dreams and talents, or following greed,” but in practice what we’re actually shown is 127 unnecessary minutes of random footage of random people doing random shit and having random conversations.

Throughout the film there are vignettes, random clips, flashy imagery, and just about everything possible a director would throw in so he can call himself an auteur and his film avant-garde. What Black Biscuit really seems to be is a collection of things filmed over the years that the filmmaker compiled, loosely edited together and then called a “movie.”

In the beginning two guys are having a mumbo jumbo discussion about making a movie on their mobile phones and how easy it would be–you can film in a dentist’s office or a butcher’s shop without having to get the rights. That’s exactly what Black Biscuit is: those guys shooting everything, calling it a movie, and wanting it to get into film festivals. Except there’s a huge flaw in Black Biscuit: it forgot to be a movie.

I’m not sure why this was made. The excessive running time of over two hours makes this even more painful to sit through. Since I just did that, you don’t have to.

This film was submitted for review through our Submission for Review system. If you have a film you’d like us to see, and we aren’t already looking into it on our own, you too can utilize this service.

Posted on December 26, 2012 in Reviews by

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3 Comments on "BLACK BISCUIT"

  1. Hal on Wed, 26th Dec 2012 8:29 pm 

    It boggles me that Chase Whale continues to get work writing movie reviews, as his work is boring, flat, without nuisance or education, and often riddled with mistakes.

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  2. Mark Bell on Wed, 26th Dec 2012 11:08 pm 

    You probably meant “nuance,” but “nuisance” reads funnier in light of the overall comment.

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  3. Chase Whale on Sun, 30th Dec 2012 1:05 am 

    I’m definitely a nuisance as well.

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