2 Stars
Year Released: 2004
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 88 minutes
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The first ninety seconds of Bite Me! comes off like a Cheech & Chong film; two guys drive down the interstate arguing about pot, of which they have an enormous crate full in the backseat. However, such antics are quickly interrupted by a giant bug that crawls from the crate ‘o weed and causes the car to wreck, cut to boobs. That about sums up the most exciting moments of the film. The general idea is that the crate of marijuana is in some way poisoned or cursed (the exterminator claims that it is a special government tainted mixture that is a secret weapon of the ever-popular “War on Drugs”). The poisoned marijuana ends up being delivered to the remote Go-Go-Saurus strip club and more huge computer generated spiders escape from the crate and bite people. The strippers at the Go-Go-Saurus are overworked to the point of lethargy (one falls asleep on the pole), and, therefore, make easy targets. Bartender Gina (Sylvianne Chebance) gets bitten and conveniently acquires a sudden interest in women. The obnoxious club owner, Ralph (Michael R. Thomas), calls an exterminator who, along with stripper (or I should say “dancer”?) Crystal (Misty Mundae), wage war on the insects. A Federal Agent shows up to further complicate matters and he somehow eventually transforms into yet another giant bug that Ralph and the strippers must contend with.

In all fairness, I should say that I did fall asleep for about twenty minutes in the middle of Bite Me! and just didn’t have it in me to re-watch the section I missed. However, unless something truly amazing occurred during those twenty minutes, the film is not really worth the time or effort. There is some bland girl-on-girl action and a few topless strippers, but with all of the options online nowadays one has to wonder how Shock-O-Rama Video stays in business, it’s definitely not due to their amazing special effects. I love B-movies as much as the next person but, Bite Me! put me to sleep (literally) and with the massive number of B-movies available, well….let’s just say there are better options.

Posted on May 20, 2005 in Reviews by

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