DIE YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS!

2.5 Stars
Year Released: 2005
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 97 minutes
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“Die You Zombie Bastards!” claims itself to be the world’s first ever serial-killer superhero zombie flick and, for all we know, they could be right. I think it could be better described as the definitive hillbilly beer drinking horror-comedy, but sadly it lacks real potential for greatness in too many areas. Sure it has plenty of bare-breasted zombie vixens, violence and weird creatures with large “apparatuses” flopping around, yet, for a film that includes a scene where some characters thrust a four-foot rubber penis into a giant oozing sphincter to enter a secret fortress, these odd gimmicks make their way to redundancy a lot quicker than you can imagine. If that’s the kind of stuff that may gross you out, you might want to stay away. If you dig that sort of stuff, this is the film for you.

Tim Gerstmar stars as Red, a cannibalistic serial-killer/superhero with a costume Hannibal Lector would envy (complete with the male reproductive system flopping about). When his precious wife Violet is kidnapped by the evil Nefarious, he goes on an interesting quest (to say the least) to rescue her. Nefarious has a plan to take over the world by turning every human being into zombies and wishes Violet to rule the world along side him.

Like many characters in this film, Nefarious also has a penile problem – it’s rather large and the only sexual pleasure he seems to get from it, is when it’s beaten with hammers by three naked zombie chicks, which just goes to show that no matter how many times you stumbled across the adult video store shelves (and even the internet), there is probably something out there you just haven’t seen yet.

With all of that said, there are moments of utter genuine hilarity here but those moments are few and far between. The scenes that try too hard to be funny come around a lot more than the moments that cause real laughter. “Die You Zombie Bastards!” is like an Ed Wood film for the hillbilly set only with gore and a Rockabilly soundtrack. There are even a few interesting cameos to look out for – Lloyd Kaufman and Rufus – and also a supporting role by Hasil Adkins, the infamous one-man Rockabilly band.

If nothing described in this review grossed you out, then “DYZB!” will make a perfect evening cinema experience with you and your friends (and perhaps a case of the cheapest beer you can find). At best, this film could be described as an under-par Trauma film. At worst, even comparing it to other tasteless trash cinema pieces, it still ranks under-par. The filmmakers make it perfectly clear that they have a vast knowledge of Trauma films and other films with that same style, so let’s hope the next time around their ideas are a little more focused.



Posted on September 20, 2005 in Reviews by
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