U N33D HELP

1 Stars
Year Released: 2005
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 96 minutes
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I would rather masturbate with sandpaper and rubbing alcohol than sit through this film again. Yes, it’s that bad. Why? It claims to be a “dramatic comedy,” and it tries. It also tries to be deep and meaningful. Unfortunately, it gets nothing right. It isn’t dramatic. It isn’t funny. It isn’t even amusing. And deep? “Blood Feast” was deeper. What it is, though, is a train wreck of a film that doesn’t deserve the amount of time I’m devoting to it here.

To go into the plot would only serve to waste readers’ time. In a nutshell, the plot doesn’t matter. Some people kill. Some get killed. Some lawyer is a sleaze. Some guy plays crappy music at open mic night. Along the way they gain insight … or maybe not. Yawn.
The only redeeming thing in this film is James (Mindaugas Vaitekunas), a man who kills frat boys to rid the world of their “cancer.” He wants to stop killing, but nobody seems to want to help him meet that goal. I felt some sympathy for the character, but it might have been because he was in such a bad movie. (To set the record straight, Vaitekunas can’t act. Neither can anyone else in this film, so it’s no big deal. And why do all their voices sound dubbed?)
It should also be noted that director/writer/actor JJ McMoon, who plays Lee Singer — the delusional man who struggles at the previously mentioned open mic night — also does the film’s score and songs. His songwriting ability is no better than his screenwriting talent, however, so don’t think the music will make this any easier to tolerate.
If I sound bitter it’s because I had to spend an evening watching a semi-arty, unimaginably bad film when I could have been doing almost anything else. What made that even more frustrating was that there were glimpses of gold underneath all the grime that let me see where McMoon actually has talent.
McMoon, next time you make a film, don’t try to do everything at once. Do one story. Make it a comedy, or a drama, or a horror movie, or an art film. Don’t do all of them in one picture. Get someone else to score it, too. Sure, it may cost more, but it will make the film that much easier to sit through. If you can’t do these things, and you must send your movie to Film Threat, request a different critic. I don’t like having my time wasted twice by the same director, and I won’t be so nice about it the second time around.



Posted on January 9, 2006 in Reviews by
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