2 Stars
Year Released: 2005
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Running Time: 86 minutes
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Finally, a movie as tasteless as its name. “Whatever You Do, Don’t Fuck the Dead Chick!” is a cross between “Clerks” (the black and white film, “meaningful conversations like your friends would have,” a dead girl) and “Townies” (necrophilia that’s played mainly for laughs). It all centers around a dead girl (Holly Cassidy) in a laundromat and the sickos and morons who come into contact with her.

Yes, there is the slightest of stories here. It is underwritten and poorly acted. What’s worse is that it could’ve worked, but the final product seems like a joke that goes on far too long. People panic because there’s a dead girl. People commit more crimes instead of doing the intelligent thing (and thereby ending the movie). People attempt to have sex with the girl. Her murderer shows up and overacts. Eighty-six minutes will feel like four hours by the time it is done.

On the plus side, there are some funny bits (Gay Day at an amusement park comes to mind), but most of the pleasurable moments seem forced, almost like they were ideas for other movies that were brought into the film to pad the running time. (Again, the Gay Day scene.) Writer/director Anthony Catanese seems like he wants to make a good film, but he falls into that trap of throwing all his eggs into one basket. It makes a keen observer wonder if he’s got enough in him to do another (hopefully better) movie, because this one is far from satisfying.

If a film that doesn’t know if it wants to be funny or dark sounds like your cup of tea, go right ahead and give this necrophilia-in-a-laundromat-wannabe-Kevin Smith-film a shot. If your expectations are that low, you won’t be able to help but come away from it with a smile on your happy little juvenile face. If, on the other hand, you have some self-respect, see “Townies” or “Clerks” and forget this film ever happened.

Posted on January 16, 2007 in Reviews by

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